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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Dinner guest/Hostess etiquette question

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 81 Replies

My husband and I are pescetarians (vegetarian, although we do eat fish or seafood once a week).

We were invited to my daughter's boyfriend's home last night for dinner.  BF's parents know we're pescetarians, but cooked a casserole of rice + chicken chunks, anyway, with a side of steamed carrots.  the hostess actually remarked, "Oh, I realize you don't eat meat, but I figured you could pick the chicken out of the casserole."

My husband and I had the BF's parents over to our home previous, and we made a meatless chili + a chili that included meat, and had a lengthy discussion on our dietary restrictions, so I know the parents are fully aware that we don't eat meat.

When the casserole was passed around, my husband and I each took a spoonful of it, then picked out the chunks of chicken pieces and ate the remainder.

However, this morning, we were both running to the bathroom with diarrhea and cramps. 

(*for those of you who will say meat is fine to eat and we should buck up...we've not eaten meat for nearly 7 months now, so when we do, this is how it affects our intestines/stomachs...with cramping and diarrhea.  Just like when you have a baby and you're introducing meats into their diet, you first start with pureed veggies/fruits, and then work your way to meat.  If you start with meat, their bodies aren't adjusted to digesting meat protein so they get stomach upset).

Anyhow, what should've been our response?  Or...conversely...what should the hostess have done differently?  Anything?

Thanks!

For anyone interested in why we don't eat meat, we don't eat it for several reasons, (which is NOT the point of my post but I know several of you CMers will ask):

  1. The meat in most grocery stores comes from factories/farms where the animal is fed genetically modified food, the animal has been given hormones/shots that sits in the meat, and sometimes the animals are treated extremely inhumanely at the slaughterhouses.
  2. Organic, free-range meat is best, but studies show (from harvard and elsewhere) that vegetarians have a healthier body than meat eaters, overall.
  3. Studies show that meat-eaters suffer more cancer and physical disorders than plant-based eaters.

Anyhow, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the etiquette question.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jillbailey26
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:51 PM
7 moms liked this

I think you had the right response.  You ate, but picked out what you didn't want to eat.  It's polite without making a big deal.  I'm sorry that it made you sick.  That really sucks that they didn't take your eating style into consideration or even call to make sure.  Now that you know they're not willing to alter what they eat to accommodate you, I would decline future invitations.  You could always eat before you go or schedule a dessert (rather than a dinner) and provide the dessert.

If it were me, as a hostess, I wouldn't invite you over and knowingly serve you something I know for a fact you won't eat.  If I wasn't willing to make a change for the one night (which isn't hard to do), then I wouldn't have invited you.  Knowing your diet is the way it is, I would've made a seafood type of meal with probably rice and a veggie.  


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:54 PM

Okay, thanks for your response!

I didn't put in my OP that the hostess actually remarked, "Oh, I realize you don't eat meat, but I figured you could pick the chicken out of the casserole."

Next time, we won't go, unless it's like you said, a dessert party or something. 


Quoting jillbailey26:

I think you had the right response.  You ate, but picked out what you didn't want to eat.  It's polite without making a big deal.  I'm sorry that it made you sick.  That really sucks that they didn't take your eating style into consideration or even call to make sure.  Now that you know they're not willing to alter what they eat to accommodate you, I would decline future invitations.  You could always eat before you go or schedule a dessert (rather than a dinner) and provide the dessert.

If it were me, as a hostess, I wouldn't invite you over and knowingly serve you something I know for a fact you won't eat.  If I wasn't willing to make a change for the one night (which isn't hard to do), then I wouldn't have invited you.  Knowing your diet is the way it is, I would've made a seafood type of meal with probably rice and a veggie.  


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM

My OP might also enlighten meat eaters about the affects on vegetarians when "picking out meat" from a dish to eat the remainder, LOLOL

mommytoeandb
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM

I think your response was very gracious.  However, I wouldn't eat anything that would make me sick.  I would have just said, "No, thank you."  I'd either skip meals at their house, eat beforehand, or bring a meal bar to sneak if you got hungry.  

jillbailey26
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Ugh, that makes it even more rude and ignorant, lol.  Chances are, she tossed the chicken in there while the rice was cooking, getting all of those chicken juices on everything.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Okay, thanks for your response!

I didn't put in my OP that the hostess actually remarked, "Oh, I realize you don't eat meat, but I figured you could pick the chicken out of the casserole."

Next time, we won't go, unless it's like you said, a dessert party or something. 


Quoting jillbailey26:

I think you had the right response.  You ate, but picked out what you didn't want to eat.  It's polite without making a big deal.  I'm sorry that it made you sick.  That really sucks that they didn't take your eating style into consideration or even call to make sure.  Now that you know they're not willing to alter what they eat to accommodate you, I would decline future invitations.  You could always eat before you go or schedule a dessert (rather than a dinner) and provide the dessert.

If it were me, as a hostess, I wouldn't invite you over and knowingly serve you something I know for a fact you won't eat.  If I wasn't willing to make a change for the one night (which isn't hard to do), then I wouldn't have invited you.  Knowing your diet is the way it is, I would've made a seafood type of meal with probably rice and a veggie.  





"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

SillySally83
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM
3 moms liked this

When we go to visit people for dinner we always bring a dish and a bottle of wine as a courtesy, maybe next time bring a veggie lasagna or potato soup and  bottle of wine, that way you can eat what your stomach can handle and still enjoy their company :)

boldrumble
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:59 PM
I would habe told them you were sorry, but picking out the meat wouldnt work.because it was all cooked together. Now...well deal with the shit....literally.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:04 PM

 


Quoting SillySally83:

When we go to visit people for dinner we always bring a dish and a bottle of wine as a courtesy, maybe next time bring a veggie lasagna or potato soup and  bottle of wine, that way you can eat what your stomach can handle and still enjoy their company :)


 We did bring a huge garden salad with fresh herbs and sweet peppers and carrots and broccoli.  I had asked her prior to the event what I could bring, and that was her suggestion.

They did offer wine, too, but my hubby has been alcohol free for 2.5 years now.  :) :) :)

baquick
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow. How rude! I can't imagine knowing that and still serving a dish with meat in it. Even if it can be picked out. To me that's like saying "I know you are allergic to peanuts, but I figured you can pick the nuts out". Smh.
For ds's birthday I had guests coming that were gluten free and another that was vegetarian. The food was burgers and hot dogs. I bought gluten free buns and veggie patties for them. I also had gluten free cupcakes for the 2 kids that were gluten free. Both families were shocked that I was so accommodating to their diets.
You acted appropriately IMO, but next time I would just bring my own dish or politely refuse. Make sure you let her know what happens when you eat meat or dishes with meat in them.
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Schmoopi
by QueenOfAllThings on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:07 PM

 I think you should decline future dinner invitations unless you know for a fact that someone is going to consider your diet/views and respect them. It's something you should be honest and open about.

As a hostess, if I extended the invitation, I would most certainly serve something that fell into the scope of what you ate.

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