I gave birth 5 months ago to twins and ever since I just have no motivation at all to do anything but take care of my kids. All I do is cook and teach and interact with them, but I don't do anything else.
Some days I forget to eat all day long till I get shaky at night, then I remember. Some days I forget to shower, sometimes for 2 or 3 days in a row and don't even realize it till my hair gets greasy.
Nothing makes me smile except for my kids. Nothing makes me mad except for my kids. I feel almost nothing for anyone else; my husband, my family, my friends... I couldn't care less if I don't speak to another adult.
I can't get motivated to clean my house. There are toys everywhere, unfolded clothes piling up in baskets because I don't care to fold them and put them away after I take them out of the dryer.
I cry myself to sleep every night and cry harder when I try to figure out what I'm crying about to begin with and can't think of anything... and I can't bring myself to leave the house for anything other than grocery shopping and find excuses for people to not come over and not to go visit them.
We were supposed to have a Walking Dead viewing party and I lied and told my friends that our cable was on the fritz and I don't even charge my cell phone because I don't want to talk to anyone, and if it isn't charged it just goes to voicemail and if anyone asks, I can say my daughter lost it.
This morning it just hit me, I haven't actually cleaned anything other than the dishes and the bathroom in months. I pick up, and I vacuum once a week or so, but I haven't actually cleaned. I wake up saying that I will clean this or that room and then I just don't do it... I think I use the kids as an excuse too because I'm always rushing to them every time they cry out just a little, rather than just let them fuss for a few minutes while I clean.
Idk what to do, even as I write this I'm sitting here crying, I cry all the time... I have a beautiful life and a lovely family so why am I so sad and unmotivated? I don't understand, but I'm afraid its going to ruin my life and even though I know I need to change it, I don't know how and I don't know whats wrong.
If its PPD, will I have to stop breastfeeding to go on medication?