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boyfriends mom vent

Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

I moved in with my bf about 6 months ago. I knew he lived with his mom because she can't support herself and couldn't pay her rent and had this big house all to herself so he moved in with her over a year ago. She lost her husband (his father) to cancer about 3 years ago and it was really hard on the both of them obviously. well he has a lot of guilt associated with his father telling him to take care of her and never let her want for anything. so it's his house now, he pays the rent and the bills and buys the food and everything. my money is mine and I pay my part of the bills and groceries, it never goes towards her and whatever she needs. 

the thing is, while she does the dishes and laundry whenever I don't, she's constantly complaining. she refuses to let us put any of our decorations up in the house, basically confining all our stuff to storage and our bedroom. she tells him taht I don't do anything, even though I cook all of us dinner every night and do her laundry when she's having such horrible bouts of depression that she doesn't even leave her room. I applied for unemployment for her since she's only working part time and refuses to find another job. I even applied for food stamps for her which she never followed through with because the application was too long. evertyime bf tells her he's sick of this that she has to figure something out or move back home with her mom, she throws her weight around saying he doesn't respect her, she's his elder and his mother and she deserves to be taken care of, that that's how she raised him. she even told him that I don't respect her because I don't treat her like my own mother. well I don't think she deserves it! my mom is working full time, supporting herself, living in a place she hates because she can afford it! this woman refuses to sacrifice anything! she makes bf buy her all the food she wants, she eats everything. if there's 6 bagels and you ate 5 of them, leave the last one for some one else. ffs. 

I've told bf before that I think she's being disrespectful of him and that she's selfish and taking advantage of him but it's not my business and not my money. we got in a huge fight about it because he says he can't deal with her and I not liking each other, that it's creating too much tension. I told him that I can't bare seeing some one take advantage of him and, no matter who it is, I won't sit idly by while it happens. I'm sorry but she can't afford her phone bill, why is she buying candles and shit while he's paying for it?! I told him I won't butt in anymore I just wanted to bring it to his attention. well yesterday, him and her got in this huge fight about the electric bill because she didn't have any money to pay it so she let it go for THREE MONTHS and now it's almost SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS and she doesn't have any money to pay it so now he has to cover the whole thing. it's shit liek this that bothers me. he works soooo hard for his money and she just takes advantage! now he's looking for a house to buy with a granny flat or a guest house so she can still live with us wihtout living in the same house. smh. I don't know what to do. if we lived in seperate houses, I wouldn't care. then she couldn't say that I was lazy and, even if he's still paying her bills, not my problem. and I wouldn't have to deal with HER laziness, she can't even load the dishwasher right or put the dishes away where they go, she just sets stuff on top of things so they all fall out of the cupboard when you open it. but I can't stand living with her much longer. she's rude and inconsiderate and I'm over it. I told him that we're gonna end up throwing away a perfectly good relationship because she would rather him endlessly support her than sacrifice her luxuries so he can be happy. he's really upset about it because he doesn't want to lose me but that's what's gonna end up happening because he feels obligated to take care of her.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:58 PM

Ok- if you didn't take the time to learn about his home-life and you moved in anyway, isn't it your fault that you have to live this way?

Why don't you move in with your mom and help her out?

You and the BF could meet for dinner maybe?

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:02 PM

I knew what she was like before moving in. she's gotten worse since I've been here. she's lonely and bitter because of us. 

my mom takes care of herself and lives 15 hours away. my bf and I were long distane before moving in with eachother.

by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:03 PM

If you don't like it, why don't you move? It's her house. If your boyfriend wants to be with you, he will move with you. He does not have to let her leech off of him. He can tell her what he will and will not do for her if he wants to, but he chooses not to (at the moment anyway). SO did it with his mother.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:09 PM

This will not last. You are miserable. If possible could you get your own place?  I am in a situation where I have 2 weeks to get out of somewhere and I can't find an affordable place to live. So if you can afford it please move out. Boyfriend might leave momma and stay with you!

by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:11 PM

Cut your losses and move on.  Do you have children?

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:13 PM

yes i have a 5 year old daughter that lives with me half the time. i told bf i was gonna get my own place soon if he didn't decide to move out. he's sad it came to this but i told him i can't stand it anymore. she makes everyone in the house feel awkward. 

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:18 PM
Why are you staying with him. His loyalty is with his mother and make no mistake he will never pick you over her. His relationship with her is very dysfunctional and his relationship with you will continue to be very dysfunctional. You are being used, manipulated and abused by them both. Cut the fish from the line and move on.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:38 PM

abuse seems like an extreme thing to say, he's obviously not abusing me and doesn't want to lose me. he has a lot of guilt associated with the loss of his father and his mom is still struggling with her grief and depression, to the point of talking about killing herself so he doens't want to leave her alone with nothing. i tell him to get his own place and she can move into a smaller apartment and he says he can't afford a mortgage and her rent. he's just as stuck. the problem isn't him it's her.

by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:42 PM

You are just his gf not his wife, you  and your kid need to move out.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:03 PM


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