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I just called CPS on my friend's stbxw, was I justified? Or should I have minded my own business?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My friend is recently in the midst of filing for legal seperation from his stbxw.

This is why I called:

She has two boys, one is from a previous father, the other is my friend's son. 

She lives in a refurbished old van/bus thing. It's like one of those buses you see that drives around the disabled? An out of comission one of those. She parks it in front of her grandmothers house (who they used to live with but left because she says the grandmother was abusing the children).

She thinks she's a "gypsy" and travels around the country in the bus selling her crotchet items at ren fairs. She crotchet's ALL day in prep because she's leaving next month to go to Texas for their ren fair. 

The bus is just that, a bus, it doesn't have a kitchen, or bathrooms, hell I don't know if the kids even ride in a carseat while it's driving. She thinks of it like an RV but it's not.

The REASON I called cps is because it's snowing outside, it gets very cold here at night, what is she doing for warmth? She can't leave the van running! What about carbon monoxide poisoning?

So that's why I called. Was I wrong? The lady that I talked to seemed very stoic the whole time she took down the information, even a little exasperated when I didn't know the last names of her and her first son that I called about. My friends son screams and cries every time he's dropped off with his mother and it's breaking my heart. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:45 PM
Replies (101-110):
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:00 PM
And besides that wouldn't it help his chances of getting custody of the kids??

I don't know if I would have called. Especially if all the information was coming from one source, your FRIEND. Have you seen this yourself? Have you been in the "RV"? Has the mother told you about the living conditions? And why hasn't your friend stepped in at this point?

Quoting MrsDavidB25:

 Bullshit. It is an anonymous call. Does he know you called now?

Quoting Anonymous:B

He's afraid that calling cps on her will hurt his chances for custody of his son.

Quoting MrsDavidB25:

 Um if you are so concerned why hasn't your friend called? After all it's his kid...




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by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:01 PM
Im at a loss for words When I Keep hearing " I would of minded my own business" Because what If something happens to them then it will be , why didn't someone do something?
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by Anonymous 25 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Im at a loss for words When I Keep hearing " I would of minded my own business" Because what If something happens to them then it will be , why didn't someone do something?
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:04 PM
I bet they stay in the grandmas house or hotels.
You don't need car seats on buses.
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by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:04 PM
Because they are 'close friends'.

Quoting Anonymous:

How do you know he screams and cries everytime he's dropped off?

by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:08 PM

Why can't he call CPS to protect his own child? He would have had more info (like their names) and it might have been taken more seriously

by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:08 PM

 I do not know if I would have called. It does notseem as if they are being abused but they are no doubt being neglected. Hopefully if CPS investigates they will be able to help her.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:35 PM

Someone who is mandated by their job- to report any signs of abuse or neglect to DCF.  This may be in any situation- at home, at work, out in public, etc.  As a nurse, I am a mandated reporter.

Quoting graciesnycmama:

Just curious, what is a mandated reporter?

Quoting opal10161973:

I am a mandated reporter and I would have had to call.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:39 PM
I've always been intrigued by the Romani culture.

Quoting Anonymous:

LOL, I hate when people call themselves gypsy when they aren't...she should come up with a different word! People who do that think that being a Romani is mystical and fun...when in reality our people have been brutalised and marginalised for centuries...but anyway. :)

Now, I can not speak for all clans (you may know there are different "types" such as Romanichal, Lovari, Sinti, Xoraxai, Cale-that's what I am- etc.) and some may not be continuing the traditional ways...also religion of the clan or family may play into it. For example, I follow Hinduism and will therefore be creamated. That is not the traditional way of the Romani people in general. Traditionally, a Romani is buried in the ground and their belongings are burned. No belongings are kept because it is thought that if they are kept that the person to whom they belonged may become mulo (undead spirit) who may haunt and torment those people who kept the belongings. Those who lived in a vardo (the wagon) when they die will have their belongings placed inside the vardo after they are buried, and the entire vardo is burned. Mourners wear white (not black).

I was adopted and not raised by my Romani family, (however, I found them when I was in my 20's and now have known them nearly 20 years)...I think this may be partly why I am okay with having a Hindu funeral. If I'd been raised to believe in mulos, maybe I wouldn't be! :)

Hope this helps!

Quoting Anonymous:

Are you really? I'm doing a report for my pyschology class on Romani funeral and death rituals. Could you tell me what the modern funeral and death rituals are for a gypsy in this day and age?

Also, gypsy is her term from her mouth, not mine.

Quoting Anonymous:

First, they can't get CO poisoning if they are parked outside, even if they ran the van all night...unless they put a vacuum hose from the exhaust into the vehicle (OR if they ran it inside a garage with the door closed).

Second, I actually AM a "Gypsy" (the proper term is Romani) and living in converted buses and other vehicles is not all that strange. She may not BE a Romani, but many people travel like that and the kids are no worse for the long as they are clean, fed and educated...who cares if they live a bit non-traditionally. In many other countries EVERYONE lives like that and manages to raise their children just fine.

I would have found out more before calling...if they are malnourished or simply not getting an education at all (not in school or being homeschooled if of age), or are filthy all the time...that's one thing, but just because someone doesn't live in a house like you doesn't make it bad, necessarily.

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by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:42 PM


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