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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

HELP! If you or someone you know have ever left an abusive spouse/SO...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 94 Replies
2 moms liked this

What did it take for you to finally leave your abuser? How did you get out? Did you have help?

I'm asking because a close friend of mine just got done telling me about her husband's abuse. I can't believe I never saw the red flags. He's completely isolated her from everyone. She moved halfway across the country with him and now has no friends or family that she can turn to. Anyone she tries to befriend he convinces her that they're no good for her. I don't know how to approach this. I don't want to say the wrong thing and push her away, but if there's a chance that I could convince her to come back and stay with me or her sister, anything to get her away from him, I'll take it. Is there anything I can do?!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:10 PM

bump!!!

missamanda86
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this

The last straw? My daughter being killed before I had her...abusers dont get better and thats all I really have to say about it. She needs to get out now

ms-superwoman
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:14 PM
1 mom liked this

The last straw was when he took it a step further and put my son in harm. My neighbor called the police, he went to jail, my mom picked me up and I never looked back.

You can offer her a way out. An airplane ticket, a place to stay. Or let her know where her nearest women's shelter is, etc... But it will be completely up to her, whether she leaves or not.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:15 PM

 

I'm so sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. She doesn't think she can leave. She feels like she's obligated to stay with him and take care of him because he's disabled.

Quoting missamanda86:

The last straw? My daughter being killed before I had her...abusers dont get better and thats all I really have to say about it. She needs to get out now


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I had help. The last straw, he held a gun to my head in front of our three yr old son and laughed when I begged him not to kill me in front of our baby.

I had help from family. Two days after I left him he threatened ti kill himself if I didnt come home. My sister called the police and he was taken into emergency protective custody. He was hospitalized for 5 days on a psych eval. During that time I got a storage unit and moved all my stuff out and filed for divorce and full custody of our two boys.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:17 PM

 

I offered her my home, but she said he's disabled and can't work, so she has to stay to support him. I would come and get her in a heart beat if she'd be willing to leave him.

Quoting ms-superwoman:

The last straw was when he took it a step further and put my son in harm. My neighbor called the police, he went to jail, my mom picked me up and I never looked back.

You can offer her a way out. An airplane ticket, a place to stay. Or let her know where her nearest women's shelter is, etc... But it will be completely up to her, whether she leaves or not.


 

missamanda86
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:18 PM

My sister was like that with her first husband. He was epileptic and had cerebral palsy...I dont know what happened to make her leave him, I think her now abusive SO was her 'knight in shining armor' but she left, and when he died she felt like it was her fault that she wasnt there to help him. Now as far as your friend, are you near her? Is there any way you can help her or gert ahold of family for her that can help?

Quoting Anonymous:


I'm so sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. She doesn't think she can leave. She feels like she's obligated to stay with him and take care of him because he's disabled.

Quoting missamanda86:

The last straw? My daughter being killed before I had her...abusers dont get better and thats all I really have to say about it. She needs to get out now




Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:19 PM
He broke my nose and gave me a concussion. Three days after the corrective surgery I moved out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:23 PM
Last straw, he dragged me down a flight of stairs and then chased me when I ran. The look in his eyes when I locked a glass door between us, I really thought he would kill me. This was less than a month after I had our son via csection and he ripped me open when he pulled me down the steps in addition to dislocating my shoulder and breaking a rib.
People tried to get me to leave before that, I think I needed that last shove to be ready to actually do it.
My advice is to just BE THERE, she'll need you when she is ready...
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:23 PM

I'm not anywhere near her. I'm in Texas and she's somewhere near Georgia. We've always been long distance friends, and just keep in touch. I know her aunt has listened in on a few fights when she was on the phone with her, but everyone else in her family is already in their own toxic relationship. She's been around it her whole life, so it's just become normal for her I guess. She even said she knows he's abusive, "but there's so much good in him" and she doesn't want to fail at her marraige. He's already put a man in the hospital after nearly beating him to death in a drunken rage. I'm so scared he will do that to her.


Quoting missamanda86:

My sister was like that with her first husband. He was epileptic and had cerebral palsy...I dont know what happened to make her leave him, I think her now abusive SO was her 'knight in shining armor' but she left, and when he died she felt like it was her fault that she wasnt there to help him. Now as far as your friend, are you near her? Is there any way you can help her or gert ahold of family for her that can help?

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I'm so sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. She doesn't think she can leave. She feels like she's obligated to stay with him and take care of him because he's disabled.

Quoting missamanda86:

The last straw? My daughter being killed before I had her...abusers dont get better and thats all I really have to say about it. She needs to get out now

 

 



 

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