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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

All adults need to work and people should only be a SAHP if both parents agree

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:05 PM
  • 67 Replies

I disagree with both of the above.

Adults should support or strive to support and care for their children.

Assuming you can do that on one income, there is no imperative for the other person to work.  They can if they want to, or to meet agreed upon goals, but assuming the breadwinner has no plan or desire to cut back on their hours, they do not need to.  If the breadwinner does want to cut back on hours, the non-breadwinner should pick up the slack if it is necessary to make ends meet.  

I diagree that both people need to agree for one person to stay home.  Person A should not have to go to work because Person B wants more money (not needs more money - wants more money).  

My husband does not get more say in whether or not I go back to work than I do assuming we can make ends meet. His desire to have more money does not trump my desire to be home for the kids, make decent meals, volunteer, etc.  


(fwiw, I do work part time, and my Dh agrees with me on the above - I am just using it as an exmapl,e)




by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kitchen.ninja
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I think the choice to have a SAHP is up to both parents.

For example my situation: I'm a SAHM. Dh works and financially supports me. This works because we both agree to it. If we did not both agree the marriage would eventually suffer and I would end up having to work anyways :)
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mamalusbear
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:09 PM
4 moms liked this

I think it's best to agree on things as a couple when you're married.

kmugs
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:11 PM

What if he made 80 000 a year and you were doing fine finacially - he justed wanted you to work so he could go on two vacations a year and have a fancier car?  Does he still get to decide?


kmugs
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:12 PM



Quoting mamalusbear:

I think it's best to agree on things as a couple when you're married.


Ideally.  Sometimes people do not agreee.  What do you do then?  I just do not think it should default to the one who says "go to work!" without any consideration of financial need, what the persona ta home is doing/saying....

VannaMae307
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:12 PM
2 moms liked this

I think the only thing that is important is the well being of the child, including the fact that the parents need to agree on what happens...which will limit fights and tension, anyway. If they can afford a SAHP, great. if they can afford but the SAHP wants a part time job, great. Regardless of the final decision, they need to be in agreement and be aware of what will make the happiness mindset in the household, unless that means one of them wants to stay home and they just flat out can't afford it...the solution to that is fairly obvious.

QueenBof6
by Ruby Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree

If a couple is financially secure on one income they should agree on one being a sahp. No one should be financially responsible for another adult unless they want to be. And no adult should expect to be taken care of.

I am a sahm. If he wants me to go to work I will go to work. No issues. He's not responsible for me.
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terpmama
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:19 PM


You example is not both people agreeing its just switching which person gets their say

Quoting kmugs:

What if he made 80 000 a year and you were doing fine finacially - he justed wanted you to work so he could go on two vacations a year and have a fancier car?  Does he still get to decide?




okijet
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:24 PM

 All depends upon how much extended family each has they can trust if (they even have children, ) or not. 
Daycare gets added for cost :  IT' IS expensive over a months time.

Both would need their own car to job hunt, get food, or switch child care responsibilities during the day (or night)

Both would need to make sure adequate food had been bought and not JUNK<  WASTEFUL FOOD,

Both would need to balance their own books to make sure each had brought the right things to the home, with care of expense and added burden of residual costs, like extra electric for something like an A>C> unit one buys, and the other needed that money for a new tire.

RENT: alone this is over the top, and if you aren't in a nicer newer up top of the line home, you STILL PAY the rent for someone else's expenses, (YOUR LANDLORD"S) 

Knowing all these things each month can be a huge burden to share and one money maker and bookkeeper each, (bookkeeping is a fair standard, ) where if the man even has extra that is HIS choice to spend it or make allowances for that, but the wife is subject to his plans.

It doesn't mean in all things bad and wrong his ways are right, He can be totally wrong without her permission and that would make her upset finding out.. . . but he should've known better.  in the first place.

I see people as simple.   But it's not always that easy.   If I had a home I"d NEVER have cable.  OR t.v. just perhaps a radio, a simple one, and I'd NEVER have spent extra money on things that could otherwise have been put ''away'' for vacation or nice days at the stores for us/ children.


Quoting kmugs:

 

 

Quoting mamalusbear:

I think it's best to agree on things as a couple when you're married.

 

Ideally.  Sometimes people do not agreee.  What do you do then?  I just do not think it should default to the one who says "go to work!" without any consideration of financial need, what the persona ta home is doing/saying....


 

kmugs
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:25 PM



Quoting QueenBof6:

I agree

If a couple is financially secure on one income they should agree on one being a sahp. No one should be financially responsible for another adult unless they want to be. And no adult should expect to be taken care of.

I am a sahm. If he wants me to go to work I will go to work. No issues. He's not responsible for me.


People are responsible for children, though.  Someone has to take care of them - and I should not have to put our kids in daycare if I disagree with daycare because he has $$ for eyeballs (remember, we are assuming a decent amount of money is coming into the house)

I think it is a moot thread (sorry folks).  I would not stay with a man who put extra money above things I thought were important.  Likewise, I would not expect a man to stay with me if I put extra money above things that were important to him.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:28 PM
4 moms liked this

Not all adults need to work.  But all adults need to act like adults--which means make decisions based upon what's best for their families--and mind their own business as to what other families do.

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