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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do you let your baby cry it out at night?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:36 PM
  • 234 Replies
1 mom liked this

Letting Your Baby 'Cry It Out' Doesn't Make You a Bad Parent

Posted by Andrew Kardon on February 12, 2013 

Babies cry. It's a fact. Next to pooping and sleeping, it's what they do best.

Why they cry can be anyone's guess. They could be wet, hungry, tired, scared, confused, sick, or just need some attention. They can't talk yet, so crying is the closest thing to a language they have.

For the most part, it works. You hear your baby cry, you quickly try to figure out what's wrong and rectify the problem. Crying baby = bad. That's what we're instinctively taught.

But at what point do we stop listening to our instincts? When babies cry all night long unless you're holding them, should you be comforting them or do you need to give them some tough love?

When our oldest son was a baby, he was a terrible sleeper. I'd easily give him an F. My wife was very into breastfeeding so she'd end up nursing him almost the entire night. We'd put him in his crib and maybe he'd last an hour. Things got so bad at one point that he literally woke up every 45 minutes. That's just not healthy for anyone.

The baby would be tired and cranky. My wife would be beyond exhausted the next day, which doesn't do her or the baby any good. And I'd be wiped too as I headed off to work. Though at least I could pass out under my desk when the boss wasn't around.

No, something had to be done. And when my wife and I started discussing the Ferber Method, we knew it was time to give it a shot. Ferberizing involves putting your baby down for the night and letting him "cry it out." It's done slowly over a few nights.

I still remember that first night of just letting him wail for five minutes in his crib as my wife and I sat on the living room couch staring at each other. Believe it or not, five minutes is an excruciatingly long time when you're listening to your child scream bloody murder.

As soon as the clock hit five minutes, my wife BOLTED down the hall to pick him up, comfort him, and put him back in the crib. Then we'd wait 10 minutes and repeat, adding five minutes on to each round. I think we got up to 30 minutes that first night before he finally fell asleep for good that night. It was certainly a long night.

The second night was slightly easier. It was still painful to sit there listening to him cry, but by the third and fourth night, we saw a massive improvement. He'd still cry but only for about five or ten minutes and then fall asleep. We were shocked. It actually worked.

Now it wasn't a perfect science and he didn't magically just sleep through the night from that moment on. But going from waking up every 45 minutes to falling asleep in 10 minutes and sleeping for a few hours at a time was a big win in our book!

Ferberizing truly taught us the phrase, "This will hurt me more than it will hurt you." It was extremely hard to do -- you need incredible patience and a strong will not to run into your baby's room the second he or she starts crying.

It may sound completely cruel on the surface. Your baby's crying and you're just ignoring him? He may think you've completely abandoned him, the poor thing. He could be terrified! Yeah, all that ran through our minds too. But we realized that letting your baby cry it out does not make you a bad parent.

If you run to your kids every single time they start crying and simply comfort them, how are they ever going to learn how to soothe themselves? Sure, every kid is different and will learn this on their own at their own pace. So it's up to you whether you want to try the cry it out method or not.

All I know is that when this kid becomes a teenager who sleeps until noon every weekend, I cannot wait to wake him up at 7 a.m. just for kicks.

Do you let your baby cry it out at night?

by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:37 PM

No. I check to see why she is crying, get her calm, and walk out the room. She may still be awake but she is not crying.

usmcwifey11
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:38 PM
2 moms liked this
Nope.
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gigis1
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:40 PM
5 moms liked this

his sleep and well being is more important than mine.. he has different cries, i can tell when something is just bothering him that i can do nothing about but hold him.. if thats the case then thats what im doing. he is just 2months old, when he's a bit bigger, we will see how things go

crzctl8de
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:40 PM
2 moms liked this

Yes I did and she is now a happy strong independent adjusted 17 year old college student. 

mich.el.le
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:42 PM
18 moms liked this

Letting an infant cio is total crap. He's a dipshit. 

LadyF86
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

 I cannot just let him cry. I have tried it a few times but it breaks my heart and i fail every time. It does not happen often, thank goodness, but I cannot do it.

Wonderwoman1432
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:42 PM
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:44 PM
No! I nursed on demand and my last one was able to nurse pretty well lying down which made everything perfect.
GhettoKoolAide
by Lighthouse Blues on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:44 PM
10 moms liked this
This. It's like as soon as we have the babies we want them to be independent adults ASAP. I cannot fathom leaving my infant to scream and then giving up because they finally figure no one is coming for them so they might as well figure how to take care of themselves.



Quoting mich.el.le:

Letting an infant cio is total crap. He's a dipshit. 



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MistyMoo
by Ruby Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Only once in a while. If I've been up so long that I'm falling asleep sitting up, yes because I have to be very VERY super tired in order to do that...
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