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i caught him :( **edit...**kind of an update...just need to type some of these feelings out**EDIT3**......I TOLD HIM UPDATE *3-5-13*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

So I posted about a month ago how I found my husband was on some site, that you ladies told me was just a porn site. Ok, gave him that one. And that I had saw a pic of a girl ( just a body shot) in his email, in his sent folder sending it to another email.
Ok well I was alone with his phone and decided to go through it to see if he had kept his word that he was sorry and wouldn't do it blah blah blah. I know childish, but I had to I just had this feeling.

So I look and decided to try to get into this other email. And I get on, idiot uses the same password as his other stuff. And I see more pics of this girl and I start to recognize the background, and then I see the face pic. It's his fucking ex. We've been married almost 3 years...really???? I knew that damn background looked familiar. She sends him pics of their daughter a lot that's how I knew.

Im livid right now. I was shaking earlier but I calmed down. I'm laying in bed beside him right now and I'm so hurt. I feel disgusting and ugly and just worthless. I look at him sleeping and I think he doesn't even know that I know. And we've been so good since the last incident. I don't want to start a fight but I deserve some fucking answers damnit.

I havnt decided when I'm goin to talk to him. But I've takin notes from other posts on here and I'm gonna copy and paste and save all the proof so he can't lie. I'm gonna go through his email a little deeper ....Idk...maybe not. I really can't handle it again.

But I am gonna talk to that bitch. She's fucking pregnant and engaged and 5000 miles away but still, its the point. But I'm not gonna be a bitch to her. I'm gonna kill that bitch with kindness and see what all I can get out of her. I'm not the revengful type or one for confrontations. I'm nice that's all I know to be lol. So why not use it to my advantage. But BUUUUT...if she goes into bitch mode and trys giving me hell I will threaten that bitch that I will send the pics she sent to my dh to df. That whole idea makes me nervous. But I've hit my breaking point. How dare him. I'm just in aw right now. I'm scared if what will happen. I'm just so thankful that my dd is with her dad right now and not seeing how much of a mess I'm in right now. But I wish she was here so I could snuggle up with her :( .

oh and another thing, he's got an account in here spying on me. I saw an email from cafemom in his email. But I didn't see what his email was. But as soon as I find out ill report him. Or if he really pisses me off i ll give his sn to u guys and you can let him have it.

I'm sorry if I'm not making since, I'm just upset and hurt and numb and just everything. I promise I'm not pyscho lol...just have a broken heart :( I have no one to talk to all my family and friends are 5000 miles away :( so I wanted to come here....please please no bashing...




*******edit******
So ladies I found out what his sn on here is but I don't want anyone giving me away just yet..I have a little more deeper to dig and I still havnt thought about how I'm going to handle it. He's been at work anyways and this will not go down over the phone, it will be face to face. And I've decided after I tell him I will message her df and tell him and send him pics. Your right if it were me I would want to know. Thanks for all the support ladies :) ill keep you guys updated.



***edit 2*****

Well I'm just getting on to let you ladies know that I appreciate so many nice thoughts for me. Makes me feel good and empowers me to be strong. I have been strong but I still I have my moments where I stop and just think " REALLY?" And have a moment where I feel I want to cry..but I suck it up and go about my day. Even though it's only been 24 hours since I found out, I still can't get it out of my head. I feel like I'm over reacting. Yes , I know he didn't "physically" cheat, but he's not exactly acting like a married man and makes me feel betrayed I guess you could say.

I didn't sleep very good last nite, kinda figured I wouldn't. Since I woke up this morning I've been going going going, which is good. I'd rather stay busy then sit around and marinate in all my thoughts. I didn't come home til almost 9pm. And he was upset and went to bed when I got home. He had the nerve to ask me what took so long, and how he doesn't believe me that I went where I said I went. I just told him that if he knows what's good for him, he won't go there with me right now. I'm just surprised that he's sitting here accusing ME of doing something I'm not suppose to be doing when he's the one doing stupid shit. Ugh...he really pisses me off.

Soooo, I had a really bad idea...as in a bitchy idea. LoL..I was thinking I was going to continue with my valentines day like everything is normal and lay it on him. I had planned on making him pancakes, red and normal color ones, with heart cut outs in the middle and take those cut outs and switch them. And cut him some heart shapped fruit and strawberries for on the side. And I was going to make a goodie basket with all homeade goodies. Like pink heart shapped rice krispie treats with some with just white chocolate drizzed on top, and some that are pink and have cute words on them like those little heart candies. Then I was gonna make heart shaped cookies and decorate them with sprinkles and stuff, also chocolate heart lollipops, and chocolate covered strawberries and put all of that in a basket and decorate it. And I was going to decorate the table for valentines. I was gonna do a goodie basket and breakfast because he's got the dinner. ........Ok so anyways..I was gonna do all that and then after he eats his breakfast, reads his card, and trys some of his treats out..I was gonna tell him I had another present. Tell him to close his eyes, and put the pics in his lap. BOOM...lol...buuuuuuut I could never do that. Even though that would be awesome. LoL...I really need some bitch lessons girls lol.

But anyways..I checked into his account again when I got home because he was home alone a good bit today. And the only thing new was he signed up for a video chat site. But I don't really think he opened an account because when I clicked on it, it said your account has now been activated, and it wasn't clicked as read. So that wasn't really a big deal. I just figured he was probably looking at porn and was trying to get in and found out he had to pay or something. I have no problem with porn, I know guys look. Ex gf's? Not so much. Ugh..I'm so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. I was honestly thinking of telling him today only because I couldn't hold it in any longer. But I will tell him, I just don't know when. I havn't came across the right time yet. I honestly would be happy with telling him with what evidence I have right now, it's enough to prove him wrong. And honestly he couldn't lie his way out of this one, in any way. 1. It's recent pics of his ex, why the fuck would he want those, and how did he get them. 2. They're naked pics of her 3. He sent them to an email he never told me about since we have been together, which means he's trying to hide stuff, at least that's how I see it, ya know? But anyways, I'm going to bed I'm exhausted. Have a good day tomorrow ladies!! And thanks again for the advice and support, I appreciate it so much more then you guys know :)



*****Edit 3****

Hi ladies. Just wanted to give you a small update. Dh has been working a good bit and worked a guard duty yesterday and last nite and didn't come home til 10 am this morning. So I havn't got to talk to him hardly, and I didn't even have a chance to do my Valentines "surprise" lol. And I didn't get to spend V-day with him either, which I was perfectly ok with. Well I babysit and the baby usually leaves around 5:30 and he will wake up before then. So after the baby leaves today, I'm going to tell him. I don't want to do it while the baby is here. I'm going to hand him the pics and ask him to explain. Sorry it's taking so long ladies and yes I know I should of told him when I first found out. But I was so furious and upset I didn't want to just scream  and I want to SEE if we can talk like adults. I'm afraid if I get angry at him it will make him want to lie to me, and that's NOT what I want. Ugh...why do I not want to do this? Why am I the one that's nervous about bringing this up??? I don't get it, I feel so dumb feeling this way but I can't help it. But it has got to be done. *sigh* I plan to get on here after we talk, but I might need to go for a ride or a walk or something afterwards, but I will come back and update. Sorry such a boring update, just wanted to let you guys know I havn't forgot.




****EDIT 3-5-13****





Hey ladies, I'm sorry for waiting so long to get on and update!! But wanted to tell you guys that I ended up telling him that weekend (from when I posted this). I didn't end up waiting for that "perfect moment".  He had a guys nite out and I had a girls nite out the night when I told him. The place we went to was within walking distance, so me and my friend walked and him and his friend took his truck and went somewhere into town.  I was totally fine with this, bc the week I was having I didn't want to be near him and I needed a drink. Well my friend ended up getting so drunk she could barely stand, and I couldn't walk her home, so her guy friend( that she's known for ever)said he would drive us home. Well she starts talking about how she's hungry and wants dennys and he says he will take us. I said no we need to get you home. She caused a big scene and her guy friend just kept driving instead of stopping at the house to drop us off. 

So anyways, we finally get back to the house and my husband is livid and asking why I was with a guy and whatever. I tried explaing what had happened and that I felt better going with her anyways to make sure nothing happened to her. Bc even if it was her really good guy friend, stuff still happens ya know? Well he wasn't having it, and being that I had a few drinks in me myself, I started saying oh really??? You wanna through the trust card at me? Well how about this......and went into what I found out. And at the end of the rant I told him and tell your lil girlfriend that her fiance will find out about this, I've got the pictures and he will see them. And he said " Oh yeah I bet you know her fiance" Trying to imply that I was doing something behind his back or something with him...um....yeah ok. I don't know him, I just know he's engaged to this chick. 

So anyways, when I felt myself starting to cry, I went downstairs because I didn't want him to see me hurt and crying, I had held it together for so long, I knew it was gonna happen the minute I talked to him about it.  So anyways, he comes down behind me and says he's sorry and fessed up to everything. And saying that he had no intentions of cheating and would never physically do anything with a women (like that's suppose to make me feel better? psh) and that we were in a bad patch and he was weak and knew he could get those types of pics from her. And I told him that wasn't a good enough excuse. Marriages go through rough patches and that I refuse to go through this everytime we go through a "rough patch" just because he can't control his fucking urges. Boo freaking hoo. 

So we talked it out and there were a lot of tears and I showed him the pictures and I have never seen him look so embarassed in my life. I feel bad bc I was thinking GOOD you need to be embarassed...but at the same time I felt bad for him and showing them to him. I told him if anything happens like this again, I will be gone. I refuse to deal with this. I deal with his shit all the time, but do you see me wanting to cheat because of it? Nope, because I have alot more self control and respect for my marriage than that. And he proved to me that none of that mattered to him. All he did was think with his dick, and he was willing to throw his marriage away for it....I love him and I want to work on it, and I'm willing to. But I refuse to when I'm the only one with respect for this marriage.

So I know I didn't go about it the right way ladies, so please don't bash me for it. I didn't intend for me to tell him the night that I did, but it happened and I can't take it back, and even though I didn't do it the right way, I feel so much better with it off my chest. I still think about it from time to time. I wonder what he does on his phone while he's at work and stuff, but I'm at a point right now where I'm just like " If he's gonna do it, then he's gonna do it, no need in stressing about it, I'm giving my 100%, that's all I can do and if he slips up again, I will be gone" And I still have access to his email, that I didnt' tell him about lol. I will say this. With him doing this, it's made me stop and look at myself and my ways. And I've tried very hard to change and do more for him so he's not tempted again, bc yes he did it, but I can't help but feel it was because of me. And I take sole responsiblity for that, just not all of it. Because if he had a problem he should of came to me and talked to me, instead of doing something like this ya know? I told him that too. His communication sucks!! He isn't the one for talking at all. He's been home from work today for 5 hours and he's said maybe 5 words to me the whole time lol..but oh well. Another problem for another day I suppose. We have a marriage retreat this weekend. I'm hoping that it helps us out a little bit. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 13, 2013 at 5:41 AM
Replies (381-390):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 8:31 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

I never understand why people want to call and scream at the other woman? The blame is on your man. He's the one married to you. If the ex's boyfriend finds out, then he is the one who is to deal with the ex. Not you. Don't call her. Won't even help. Will just start unnecessary drama...look at Brandi Glanville and Leann Rimes. Just leave the ex out of it and deal with your own man.



I get why she wants to confront her. The ex knows they are together and is sound it anyways. There are two parties at fault.

When my Asshat husband would have chats with other women I was livid at him. He said he stopped only to find out she would still send him stuff. So I sent her a message that said. I don't know who you are, but were a family with a baby on the way. And that bitch still messages him. Obviously she didnt get the memo that her nasty ass was not going to get my man. He. Had no intentions of leaving. It literally took him ignoring her to get her to stop. The thing is I did some digging and found out who she was and where she lived and got her phone number. Oh the things you can find on the Internet
FinchsMommy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

Ugggg...you are keeping your cool better then I ever could!!! I would of confronted him the day I found all of that...and demanded why he felt the need to see naked pics of his ex...plus the fact he felt the need to be on a mommy website!?! There is an old saying "the one who complains loudest is the one who's most guilty"


I am so sorry...but to me trust is HUGE in a relationship...without it...there just simply isn't a point in continuing the marriage...and to me he has distroyed all of that trust...but that's just me

I wish you the best of luck...and I hope you accomplish what you are seeking.



Oooo!!! Great saying. Does that apply to MIL too?
cerainwondrland
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 8:52 AM
Bump for telling him
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 73 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Yes!!! Most deff!!!

Quoting FinchsMommy:

Quoting Anonymous:

Ugggg...you are keeping your cool better then I ever could!!! I would of confronted him the day I found all of that...and demanded why he felt the need to see naked pics of his ex...plus the fact he felt the need to be on a mommy website!?! There is an old saying "the one who complains loudest is the one who's most guilty"





I am so sorry...but to me trust is HUGE in a relationship...without it...there just simply isn't a point in continuing the marriage...and to me he has distroyed all of that trust...but that's just me



I wish you the best of luck...and I hope you accomplish what you are seeking.





Oooo!!! Great saying. Does that apply to MIL too?
LadyF86
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:35 PM

BUMP!

FinchsMommy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:00 PM
Quoting Anonymous:


Not to sound terribly dense, but I need some definition so I can tell this to my husband the next time we "discuss" MIL shenanigans. He doesn't get sayings so I have to give him context.

This is a new tool for my toolbox. :-) stoked!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 75 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:11 PM
You're holding it together better than I did!!
Don't forget men are like computers. Every once in awhile they need a reboot!
Kick him in the nuts and while he's bent over give him a good knee to the face! That should do it!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 76 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:15 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

I never understand why people want to call and scream at the other woman? The blame is on your man. He's the one married to you. If the ex's boyfriend finds out, then he is the one who is to deal with the ex. Not you. Don't call her. Won't even help. Will just start unnecessary drama...look at Brandi Glanville and Leann Rimes. Just leave the ex out of it and deal with your own man.



I get why she wants to confront her. The ex knows they are together and is sound it anyways. There are two parties at fault.

When my Asshat husband would have chats with other women I was livid at him. He said he stopped only to find out she would still send him stuff. So I sent her a message that said. I don't know who you are, but were a family with a baby on the way. And that bitch still messages him. Obviously she didnt get the memo that her nasty ass was not going to get my man. He. Had no intentions of leaving. It literally took him ignoring her to get her to stop. The thing is I did some digging and found out who she was and where she lived and got her phone number. Oh the things you can find on the Internet

The girl my husband cheated with would say horrible things about me and plotted to have my daughter taken from me so you bet your ass I told her what was what. I didn't threaten her, just told her what I thought of her and I'm pretty sure it scared her that I knew about them. 

20Keller12
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 7:32 PM
Bump for update?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TheMacFamily182
by on May. 7, 2013 at 2:07 AM

I don't know you but you seem so sweet..You seem like you have a good heart and you're the last person to have to deal with bs. I hope it's better for you however, you're strong. Do not allow him to walk all over you. If you keep forgiving him and brushing it off he will continue to do it. He'll know that all he has to do is say the right words and you'll move on. You stand up for yourself.

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