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If your husband cheated and you found out

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And you and he miraculously worked it out, would you secretely keep up with him? 

My husband had a one night stand with an old girlfriend (long story but I was the one that introduced them again not knowing they had a past!!).  He told me and after ALOT of prayer and open, honest communication, we decided to stay together.  Now 4 years later we are stronger than we have ever been in our marriage. 

Up until recently, I kept tabs on his phone line (I can see who he calls and texts on our online bill) and he doesnt know.  The last time I did this his main phone calls and texts were to me.  I havent looked since because I really do trust him now.

Would you secretly keep tabs?

I think I've either liked or responded to everyone's comments (I'm still learning cafe mom and its hard to keep up!!) Thanks for all your responses alot of you guys know what it's like to stay in a marriage that was originally doomed to fail!!! 

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:55 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this

IF we worked it out, I probably would keep tabs. I just can't fathom rebuilding trust again to he point where I wouldn't want to check. 

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Thank you and yes it is hard.  But I think it would be harder if it was an emotional affair.  I was lucky I never got to see the texts that would have probably hurt me more than just the one time sex because he would have been giving his heart to her.

Glad your marriage survived!

Quoting Anonymous:

Dh had an emotional affair from September 11 to December 11. When I found out I did the same I wanted him to feel my pain. We both forgave each other and our marriage has been stronger then ever. I stopped going through his phone in may of 12. I don't worry anymore. I'm sure had it been physical I would probably still worry.

by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this
I didn't have to my husband willing handed over his phone and passwords to prove himself to me.
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM

thanks for your input.

Quoting supermomz25:

number one, my husband wouldn't have the balls to cheat on me
number two, my husband and I keep no secrets
number three, my husband and I completely trust each other
number four, if I ever thought something fishy was going on, I would confront him directly, not sneak around and keep tabs on him

by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM

if my husband cheated on me. We would not be working it out and I would take his ass to the cleaners!! 

by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM
After my affair dh did it to me. He still brings it up it still eats away at him, it still kills me, i wish it was further behind us. He checks my phone from time to time, but we share a fb account, and he grills me about how much gas is in my car all the time when i really only go somewhere like 3x a month without him an its usually to the grocery store. :/ it is what it is, but i honestly feel like it has made us stronger and we can communicate much better then before.
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:10 AM

No its very time consuming to try to stay on top of things like that!!! 

Thank you!

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sure I would, but it's not something I'd want to have to deal with. I'm glad things worked out for you.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:11 AM

I wouldn't be there TO keep tabs. Cheating once is it for me. No excuses.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:12 AM


Thanks for posting.

Quoting Anonymous:

i would be so happy that i could finally put my marriage behind me 

i love him / love my kids / love my life 

hate being married to a man that has a very imature and limited intimacy level ---  i have been having an affair for 3 years and it has kept me from walking out and screwing up things for him and the kids financially and emotionally ....  yep wrong .... yep go ahead and bash ... but yep makes me happy and need him in my life....  even if on the side from time to time -- we are talking 6 - 8 times a year only -- but man are they amazing dates and if i got caught --- it would just make the process of getting a divorce ugly and painful but --- none the less i know the risks and love my S/O and love my life with both men in it. 

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:13 AM

If he hadnt changed so drastically (cut all ties) I wouldnt have... 

Quoting Megan11587:

I wouldn't have it in me to stay. I would always want to keep tabs and I can't live like that.

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