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If your husband cheated and you found out

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And you and he miraculously worked it out, would you secretely keep up with him? 

My husband had a one night stand with an old girlfriend (long story but I was the one that introduced them again not knowing they had a past!!).  He told me and after ALOT of prayer and open, honest communication, we decided to stay together.  Now 4 years later we are stronger than we have ever been in our marriage. 

Up until recently, I kept tabs on his phone line (I can see who he calls and texts on our online bill) and he doesnt know.  The last time I did this his main phone calls and texts were to me.  I havent looked since because I really do trust him now.

Would you secretly keep tabs?

I think I've either liked or responded to everyone's comments (I'm still learning cafe mom and its hard to keep up!!) Thanks for all your responses alot of you guys know what it's like to stay in a marriage that was originally doomed to fail!!! 

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:55 AM
Replies (31-40):
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:14 AM

My husband has cheated and we have worked it out. In the beginning I kept tabs on him. But I dont anymore. I do have the password to his phone and can check it if I feel the need to. He knew I was checking on him too.

by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

It's been three years since I found out.Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been. I do have my moments where I feel vulnerable and suspicious, I just talk with my husband then.

by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:15 AM

My husband did cheat and it wasn't just a one night stand. They snuck around for over a year. He's been "back" with me since the begining of November...but I still look at facebook, his phone/text etc. But it hasnt' been 4 yrs like it has for you, so I don't know, guess it would depend on what our relationship looked like in four yrs but as of now, no I don't trust him.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:16 AM

Thanks for your input.  I still had insecurities I talked to my counselor and we have worked through those.

Quoting NBean311:

No. If I had prayed, and we had open, honest communication... Then I would be left with no reason to keep abs. 

If I still felt the need, then clearly things weren't as open and honest as they appeared. 

by Emerald Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:16 AM
no. it wouldn't be a secret that he needs to earn my trust and that might mean me looking through his stuff.
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by Anonymous 11 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:16 AM
You haven't worked it out if you feel you need to keep tabs on him.
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:16 AM

yes. i would.

by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:17 AM


I was upset, but more with myself than him. I completely understood why he was doing it. I was upset because it was something my husband never in a million years thought I would do. He had always had unconditional trust in me, even though there were times he should have been suspicious, he wasn't. So when it came out that I was in fact cheating, his shock and hurt completely destroyed me. After a while I did start getting upset that he still wasn't trusting me, but I still understood that I had to give him as much time as he needed and I stayed on my best behavior and made sure that I didn't do anything that would make him think I was doing something wrong.

Yes, you can ask me anything.

Quoting kimkrys1:

Thank you for posting this.  Your husband sounded like I was especially in the beginning.  

How did it make you feel? Were you ok with it being under the microscope? I know my DH felt horrible sometimes because I wouldnt just let it go.

I'm glad to see you worked it out.  Can I ask a personal question and if I need to private message you just message me and I'll ask you there.

Quoting Anonymous:

My husband kept his guard up for a while after finding out about my affair. It use to be that I couldn't even run to the store for 20 minutes before he was calling asking why I was taking so long. If I needed to run out at night after he was in bed he would wake up very paranoid and grill me in the morning about where I went. I know he looked at my phone often, even though he thinks I didn't notice, but after a few years he realized I wasn't going anywhere and that I was honest about wanting to be trusted again, and not ever breaking his trust again, so he stopped being so suspicious of every move I made.


by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:18 AM
I kept tabs, but it was a bit more difficult because neither one of us had cell phones at the time (this was over ten years ago). We had AIM and email and I had passwords to both. I also checked phone bills and made sure he was where he'd say he was going to be. It took months before I stopped checking up on him daily and nearly a year before I stopped completely.
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by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:18 AM

Jam at one point I think I told him I was keeping check.. I have actually forgotten alot of it its in my subconscious I suppose... but I dont think he knew I was still keeping tabs up til last month.. 

Quoting jamamama00:

No, I would openly keep tabs. Transparency

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