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Do you have to be married to be considered a " STEP MOM " ?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Even though we are not...can I still be called the step mom ?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:25 PM
Replies (61-67):
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:49 PM

i think u r whatever the child considers you.. i mean what about when someone widows and remarries or something similar, child might call the other mom/dad.. not sm or sd unless they hate them or something.. my daughter calls SO by his first name but she is 2, she loves him and doesnt know the defenition of "daddy" but once the new 2 month old speaks and says daddy, we hope she will too

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 6:49 PM
My best friend calls his Dad's gf his stepmom. They've been together for almost 18 years though. We don't live in a common law state. She helped raise him. Guess it depends on the kid and your relationship.
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by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:41 PM

Yes, I would never consider a girlfriend a step-mom

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:54 PM

A girlfriend is a girlfriend, a Stepmother is dad's wife.   A spade is a spade.  Want to be more than a gf?  Get married.  No point in making oneself out to be more than they really to other people's kids when they can't even get married. 

It isn't just up to the individual family dynamics either.  When my kids came home and asked me if their stepsiblings were their siblings and if dad's woman friend was their SM when they had only just moved in and there wasn't a wedding (and they asked because they were told that the woman was SM and the kids were siblings), I said no.  Dad's gf is dad's gf, her kids are her kids.  When she marries dad she'll be a SM and her kids will be your stepsiblings. 

Point?  If there is an involved OP in the mix it doesn't matter if that is what the woman wants to be called.  Mom can teach her kids that we call a person by their correct title no matter what they want to be called.

by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:57 PM

You can be called whatever you want.

Legally, however, you are not the step mom.  While being a legal SM doesn't really give you all that much of anything, there are state laws that allow your DH to give you the right to care for his kid as a reasonable adult chosen by him in his stead, discipline the child, in most cases, with light corporal punishment (don't hate, look up spanking laws for states - a SP is usually allowed unless specifically barred via CO), and can act in loco parentis at dad's request in certain cases.

If not married, you are not legally a SM, and are just a stranger to the kid in the eyes of the law.  As a SM, you are a legal stranger, which is different.

So while you may call yourself a SM and that's fine, don't go attempting to use that legally.  It can and will bite you squarely in the ass.

by Anonymous 11 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:59 PM
You should be married first.
by Anonymous 12 on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:03 AM
SOs kids refer to me as step mom. I don't really agree. I'm not their step mom. Its just weird to me. I think it stems from their mother calling every man she dates their step dad. Then that mans family becomes their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. She has dated several men so these poor kids have estranged "family" all over the place. I just do not think that is very healthy.
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