Even though we are not...can I still be called the step mom ?
i think u r whatever the child considers you.. i mean what about when someone widows and remarries or something similar, child might call the other mom/dad.. not sm or sd unless they hate them or something.. my daughter calls SO by his first name but she is 2, she loves him and doesnt know the defenition of "daddy" but once the new 2 month old speaks and says daddy, we hope she will too
Yes, I would never consider a girlfriend a step-mom
A girlfriend is a girlfriend, a Stepmother is dad's wife. A spade is a spade. Want to be more than a gf? Get married. No point in making oneself out to be more than they really to other people's kids when they can't even get married.
It isn't just up to the individual family dynamics either. When my kids came home and asked me if their stepsiblings were their siblings and if dad's woman friend was their SM when they had only just moved in and there wasn't a wedding (and they asked because they were told that the woman was SM and the kids were siblings), I said no. Dad's gf is dad's gf, her kids are her kids. When she marries dad she'll be a SM and her kids will be your stepsiblings.
Point? If there is an involved OP in the mix it doesn't matter if that is what the woman wants to be called. Mom can teach her kids that we call a person by their correct title no matter what they want to be called.
You can be called whatever you want.
Legally, however, you are not the step mom. While being a legal SM doesn't really give you all that much of anything, there are state laws that allow your DH to give you the right to care for his kid as a reasonable adult chosen by him in his stead, discipline the child, in most cases, with light corporal punishment (don't hate, look up spanking laws for states - a SP is usually allowed unless specifically barred via CO), and can act in loco parentis at dad's request in certain cases.
If not married, you are not legally a SM, and are just a stranger to the kid in the eyes of the law. As a SM, you are a legal stranger, which is different.
So while you may call yourself a SM and that's fine, don't go attempting to use that legally. It can and will bite you squarely in the ass.
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