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New Website Hooks Up People Who Want to Have Kids Together, But Date Other People??

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:39 PM
  • 41 Replies

New Website Hooks Up People Who Want to Have Kids Together, But Date Other People

Posted by Ericka Sóuter on February 13, 2013 

family

This takes the notion of the modern family to a whole new level. A website will partner women and men who both want children, but not a romantic relationship with one another. Not much shocks me in this day and age, but this took me by surprise. That's not to say I think you should be married before having kids. That's a ridiculously outdated perception of what it takes to raise a child. In fact, there is no one definition of the perfect family anymore. However, doesn't this loveless, match-making service make parenthood -- which any parent will tell you is incredibly hard -- even more complicated.

FamilybyDesign.com promotes itself as a great way to help single people build their dream families. They even refer to a promise many people make with their guy BFF when young -- if we are not married with kids by 30, we should have a kid together.

While I empathize with the desperate desire to start a family, this just seems like a risky idea. The parent-parent relationship is one of the most emotionally charged ones you can have. Anger, resentment, exhaustion are all par for the course. You will argue, fume, complain and more. How can you be sure this person is equally committed and won't cut and run when it gets tough -- and it will get tough. Though some people insists this can work. David Arrick and Heidi Sadowsky, friends for 20 years, were both featured on Today because of their decision to co-parent without being involved. I just have to wonder, what if one of them eventually develops romantic feelings for the other.

Having a baby together can uncover feelings you didn't realize were there. Finding yourself attracted to the father of your kid could happen, especially if he is attentive, supportive, caring, kind, and loving. Aren't those all the characteristics you would look for in a boyfriend or husband anyway? Then what happens if those new-found romantic feelings are not reciprocated? There was even a movie about this very thing. Friends with Kids depicted the story of best friends who wanted a baby, but neither of which were in a serious relationship. Everything was fine until one of them fell for the other. Like I said, complicated. With these "parenting partneships" could result in a lot of hurt and disappointment. And if things go badly, the person most likely to suffer most in the end is the child.

What to you think of the "parenting partnership" match making servives?
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
findingserenity
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:44 PM
Crazy
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MrsRi
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:05 PM

I can see the benefits of doing this.  I wouldn't want to do it though.  I have a good co-parenting relationship with my son's father, it's not perfect, but I KNOW him, I don't think I could have done this with someone I just met and decided to reproduce with based on general genetics and lifestyle compatibility.  This is too close to 'designer baby' for me.

lello
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:17 PM
3 moms liked this

Hm I can see how there could be drawbacks but I wish more people really would think about who theyre choosing to make babies with...that's a huge commitment and having some romantic chemistry doesn't to me say anything about how great you will feel about parenting with them.  So I find this way less disturbing than being knocked up by a relative stranger because you were careless...or by someone you like banging but know is not parent material.   

I can see that being good for gay people too.  

crumpy_gat
by No. on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:40 PM
Wtf..
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kappalopokis
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:41 PM
2 moms liked this

Being married to a man who says I don't deserve to be a mother, who would and I quote "see any child we had together as the end of his life, the worst possible thing that could ever happen to him."  I would do this in a hearbeat. I am desperate to have a child, and I know that I would make it work no matter the situation.

BUT, we would go to court and have a court ordered custody agreement. 

And, yes I am still married to him.  I married my DH AND my stepchildren 4 years ago.  I am not walking out on a couple of innocent children just because my husband is a horrible jerk. 

So, please no bashing on me for staying. 

pampire
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:43 PM

It's not for me, but I have a friend that could benefit from that!  She really wants to have a baby but isn't in a relationship that will produce one.  No real good candidates for co-parent in her life right now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this


It's not bashing I hope but I think that's sad :(

Quoting kappalopokis:

Being married to a man who says I don't deserve to be a mother, who would and I quote "see any child we had together as the end of his life, the worst possible thing that could ever happen to him."  I would do this in a hearbeat. I am desperate to have a child, and I know that I would make it work no matter the situation.

BUT, we would go to court and have a court ordered custody agreement. 

And, yes I am still married to him.  I married my DH AND my stepchildren 4 years ago.  I am not walking out on a couple of innocent children just because my husband is a horrible jerk. 

So, please no bashing on me for staying. 



RobsPrincess24
by ThePrincess on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:47 PM

I think it's ridiculous. After my SIL had her last baby, she told my BIL that she wanted a divorce. She said she stopped loving him before she got pregnant, but she wanted him to be the father of her next kid. Absolutely crazy.

conejoazul
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:07 PM

I think I am going to withhold judgement on that service. When I think about all the people who make babies together because of a careless one night stand or during relationships that aren´t headed anywhere good, this seems more logical if it suits the hopes and dreams of two or more willing adults who want to be parents.  It also may bring the whole sperm / egg donor / surrogate choices down to a more accessible level for some.

s.osborne
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:23 PM

 Dafuq?

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