Just to knock this out right away...I am NOT suicidal. At all.
I have an ex who makes my life a living hell. I kicked him out for cheating and his anger. We have been broken up for 3 years. THREE YEARS. I used to be afraid to fight with him because I really thought he would come to my house and kill me in my sleep. I have called the cops on him numerous times. I can't get a protective order because he has never actually hurt me. So basically he just makes my life a living fucking hell. I am so miserable by the constant texts, emails, phone calls, and him showing up at my house when I ignore him I don't even give a shit if he does kill me anymore. :(
I will be in his prison for the rest of my life. It's not fair. I just want to be happy. I can't date bc he will find out and ruin it. I can't have a social life because he shows up and ruins it. No matter what I do I just feel suffocated and trapped. Ugh.
Since my attempts with law enforcement have failed I have a friend who begs me to let him "take care of it", but obviously I would never agree to that. He is the father of my child and I am not going to have someone beat the hell out of him. I just want my life back.