He said I gained too much weight :'( Sorry kinda long but please read!

[Anonymous]

My ex, who I've known for about 12 years, who was my first love...my first everything, recently told me I have gained too much weight...I usually don't care what anyone thinks but this hurt. See we broke up 7 years ago, apparently neither of us got over each other and have both admitted that we have thought of one another everyday since we split. We started talking again back in October and he hadn't seen me pretty much since we broke up when I was 17. I'm 24 now. I knew I'd gained a good bit of weight since then and I was afraid of him seeing me in person for that reason. One night I said screw it because I really wanted to be close to him and smell hos familiar smell again after so long. We were talking every chance we got before then, after he saw me he started acting different. I knew it was my appearance because he loves everything about me, except that I guess. He finally admitted to me about a week ago that my weight is an issue for him. He said he doesn't want to hurt me by saying that because he thinks I'm beautiful and he loves me but if we ever got back together he would like me to be the size I was when we broke up. I don't want him to know how much it hurt me, because I want to lose the weight myself, but he thinks if I stay the size I am now it will create an attraction issue and if we get back together he wants it to be forever. Says he knows this life is meant for us. That no one compares to me and just super sweet stuff like that. I'm with someone so I know it's not going to happen for us anytime soon because the guy I'm with is my childs father and I do love him. Being back with my ex is all I've wanted since we broke up but I'm not dropping everything for him, he hurt me SO badly and claims he wants to spend the rest of his days making it up to me but the whole fat thing just threw me off and kind of made me lose some respect for him. He recently got honorably discharged from the army and he's a very good looking guy. I actually still love him, I'm embarrassed to say that since I'm with someone but I can't just turn my feelings off like that. So now he's (my ex) is sleeping (fuck friends) with a girl I know and his ex-wifes friend and she's super skinny but not too pretty (I hate to judge but he's so sexy I know he could do better) but the super skinny part just frustrates me because I'll never be that small. Idk how to feel about what he said, I know I need to lose the weight but I don't want to do it for him, I want to do it for me and my little girl. I want to be healthy. I just can't help that it hurts. I really needed to get this off my chest. I hope someone can lend a few kind words or advice. My mind is so screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Wth kind of cluster fuck BS is this?

[LaughingTattoo]

I dont understand how the guys an ass for delicatedly telling her shes too big. If anything, she should thank him for being honest.  Hes just turned off by her added weight. Love doesnt mean we accept someone who is unhealthy or that we dont have eyes. And if she does love him, she will lose the weight

BUT.....the fact that hes off screwing some other woman is messed up. Love DOES mean we stand by the person we love no matter what. Hes playing you.

[LilliesValley]

Love goes beyond thick and thin. I was a size twelve when I met my dh, a few years ago I was a size 36. He loved me then and he loves me now. I'm down to s fourteen after gastric bypass and would be smaller if it wasn't for all the loose skin. Does my dh preferred now to then sure. But he never brought it up at the time, was always attracted to me, etc. I would really think twice about someone whose behavior could change so quickly upon seeing you. Plus you're never going to fix or work on things with your child's father as long as you are pining away for this other guy who may or may not (&seems like not to me) "love" you. Love is unconditional, not conditional on you being thin. Jmot.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Probably more like 80-100lbs. Not certain of what I weighed back then but it was definitely a significant amount less.

Quoting Mommie2Kailen:

Ok if he loves you for you this should include the extra you as well. Damnit girl open your eyes, It's called unconditional love... You deserve that and not the bullshit he is feeding you.. and BTW how much extra of you is there? You don't have to give your weight but have you gained 20, 30, 40 50 etc lbs since you guys split..

Stay with the current guy. Good luck

Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks. I really have never been able to get over him and I know he means no harm because if he feels as if he has upset me he gets upset himself. He loved me before I gained this weight and he still loves me but not the extra me. Idk.

Quoting Anonymous:

He's an ass anyway. Don't talk to him anymore, it'll just screw everything up.

 

[Bird16_J]

Your ex is a shallow prick and will only continue to be an asshole to you! Drop him like a bad habit! He's not worth your time or energy to continue to even think about, talk too or even see!!! What a loser! And if he loves you as much as he says he does he wouldn't care WHAT you looked like! He would love you and weight wouldn't even BE on his radar!