He said I gained too much weight :'( Sorry kinda long but please read!

[Anonymous]

My ex, who I've known for about 12 years, who was my first love...my first everything, recently told me I have gained too much weight...I usually don't care what anyone thinks but this hurt. See we broke up 7 years ago, apparently neither of us got over each other and have both admitted that we have thought of one another everyday since we split. We started talking again back in October and he hadn't seen me pretty much since we broke up when I was 17. I'm 24 now. I knew I'd gained a good bit of weight since then and I was afraid of him seeing me in person for that reason. One night I said screw it because I really wanted to be close to him and smell hos familiar smell again after so long. We were talking every chance we got before then, after he saw me he started acting different. I knew it was my appearance because he loves everything about me, except that I guess. He finally admitted to me about a week ago that my weight is an issue for him. He said he doesn't want to hurt me by saying that because he thinks I'm beautiful and he loves me but if we ever got back together he would like me to be the size I was when we broke up. I don't want him to know how much it hurt me, because I want to lose the weight myself, but he thinks if I stay the size I am now it will create an attraction issue and if we get back together he wants it to be forever. Says he knows this life is meant for us. That no one compares to me and just super sweet stuff like that. I'm with someone so I know it's not going to happen for us anytime soon because the guy I'm with is my childs father and I do love him. Being back with my ex is all I've wanted since we broke up but I'm not dropping everything for him, he hurt me SO badly and claims he wants to spend the rest of his days making it up to me but the whole fat thing just threw me off and kind of made me lose some respect for him. He recently got honorably discharged from the army and he's a very good looking guy. I actually still love him, I'm embarrassed to say that since I'm with someone but I can't just turn my feelings off like that. So now he's (my ex) is sleeping (fuck friends) with a girl I know and his ex-wifes friend and she's super skinny but not too pretty (I hate to judge but he's so sexy I know he could do better) but the super skinny part just frustrates me because I'll never be that small. Idk how to feel about what he said, I know I need to lose the weight but I don't want to do it for him, I want to do it for me and my little girl. I want to be healthy. I just can't help that it hurts. I really needed to get this off my chest. I hope someone can lend a few kind words or advice. My mind is so screwed up.

[reava]

He's toxic to you. Even though you love him he will only bring you down. If he truly loved you, your weight wouldn't matter. Stick with someone who loves you unconditionally.

[chas1217]

I feel bad for the man you're with now. You're having these conversations with your ex and he's there loving you for you, no matter what size and you're emotionally cheating on him with someone who is telling you he loves you, but you have to be a certain size before you're good enough to be with him. That's not fair to your so that you have now.

If you want to lose the weight, do it for you, not for him. What happens when you leave you current so for your ex (after you're good enough for him again) and then you get pregnant again and gain some weight? Or just gain weight because it just happens sometimes, then he leaves you because you're not the "right" size. Guy sounds like a douche.

[ChrissyReznor]

Quoting Anonymous:

He tells you all these nice things, yet also tells you you're too fat and then proceeds to screw another woman?

Yeah sounds like true love. Run far far away.

[weezer_cookie]

He sounds like a shallow asshole. Don't sell yourself short, you deserve better.

[brandonjr5]

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years my nanny has gained weight, has grey hair and wrinkles, but my grandfather still looks at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world.  Love is blind, if he loved you for real it would be unconditionally!

I can tell you love your little girl so much, I can tell just from the little bit I read....  I want you to pretend she is older and some guy just done this to her.  What would you tell her to do?  Wouldn't you be so mad that some one could cut her down like that?  Make your baby proud and stick up for yourself!  Kick his ass the the curb forever and tell him no offences I just can't be attracted to a jerk!  No one has the right to tell you what your body should look like.  And be proud of your body I'm 25 have 2 little boys and I know my body looks nothing like it did when I was 17....  But everyday I look at my 2 little guys I know it was worth.

I hope my reply helps you <3

[subjamn]

Ran away fast.  He says he loves you, but only if you change?  What kind of message does that send to your daughter.  Love is something that is inside of you, it's not superficial,.  What you're feeling for him is lust.  Think about it, if you were blind, would you still want to be with your ex?  Doubtful...

Just because his mom calls him son, doesn't mean the universe revolves around him.

[AnastasiaKorsh]

Yeahhh.... if he really loved you, and you were meant to be be I think he'd look past your weight. 

It would be totally different if he was concerned about your health, or if he was just behind you losing weight. But requiring you to be a certain size, kind of goes beyond that.

[wintermermaid]

You aren't 17 anymore! You've had a baby. Your body is different.

Life is unknown. Forever love can't be conditional. He loves you but not like that because of the weight? No way. That is not a life I would want to live.

[xomrsweaver]

Trust me, if your weight comes in between him being attracted to you, he doesn't deserve you anyways. My husband has been with me through my highest and my lowest and no matter what, he never makes me feel like my weight isn't appropriate. He is all over me regardless and he would never say something that could potentially hurt my feelings because he knew i grew up chubby and have weight issues. He is going to be there through my literal thick and thin and if he wasn't, he doesnt deserve me anyways. 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

He said he didn't want to tell me. He was taking pain killers that night for his back(the reason he got out of the army) and was feeling "confessional". I was around 150 when we split up. I'm not 240. I'm right at 5ft so I carry the weight throughout and I feel like a big blob. He said he just wants our relationship to be physical attration as well as mental. He's 180 but he's tall and has a little around the middle. But by no means is he fat. Heftier than when he was 17 though. I tried not to let it bother me but it does. Everytime I eat I think about it. Makes me not want to eat at all. I lost some of the respect I had for him a week ago :/

Quoting BamBamsmomma:

My first question how big are you? Like size height and weight. My second question how do you have any respect for this man? My opinion if he really loved you for you then he wouldn't let your weight get in the way of that. You've had a baby and you are not 17 anymore. I have body issues I was 150 and had extreme body issues because I was close to 200 until I was almost 18 then dropped to 150 but the issues stayed now their stronger than ever because I'm back to 180 after having ds in November. Hearing that a man flat out told you you're fat upsets me that could do so much damage and he did it without a thought.