He said I gained too much weight :'( Sorry kinda long but please read!

[Anonymous]

My ex, who I've known for about 12 years, who was my first love...my first everything, recently told me I have gained too much weight...I usually don't care what anyone thinks but this hurt. See we broke up 7 years ago, apparently neither of us got over each other and have both admitted that we have thought of one another everyday since we split. We started talking again back in October and he hadn't seen me pretty much since we broke up when I was 17. I'm 24 now. I knew I'd gained a good bit of weight since then and I was afraid of him seeing me in person for that reason. One night I said screw it because I really wanted to be close to him and smell hos familiar smell again after so long. We were talking every chance we got before then, after he saw me he started acting different. I knew it was my appearance because he loves everything about me, except that I guess. He finally admitted to me about a week ago that my weight is an issue for him. He said he doesn't want to hurt me by saying that because he thinks I'm beautiful and he loves me but if we ever got back together he would like me to be the size I was when we broke up. I don't want him to know how much it hurt me, because I want to lose the weight myself, but he thinks if I stay the size I am now it will create an attraction issue and if we get back together he wants it to be forever. Says he knows this life is meant for us. That no one compares to me and just super sweet stuff like that. I'm with someone so I know it's not going to happen for us anytime soon because the guy I'm with is my childs father and I do love him. Being back with my ex is all I've wanted since we broke up but I'm not dropping everything for him, he hurt me SO badly and claims he wants to spend the rest of his days making it up to me but the whole fat thing just threw me off and kind of made me lose some respect for him. He recently got honorably discharged from the army and he's a very good looking guy. I actually still love him, I'm embarrassed to say that since I'm with someone but I can't just turn my feelings off like that. So now he's (my ex) is sleeping (fuck friends) with a girl I know and his ex-wifes friend and she's super skinny but not too pretty (I hate to judge but he's so sexy I know he could do better) but the super skinny part just frustrates me because I'll never be that small. Idk how to feel about what he said, I know I need to lose the weight but I don't want to do it for him, I want to do it for me and my little girl. I want to be healthy. I just can't help that it hurts. I really needed to get this off my chest. I hope someone can lend a few kind words or advice. My mind is so screwed up.

[Anonymous]

If he really meant what he says, you're weight wouldn't be an issue. My dh and I had an affair when I was much thinner and imo much prettier. We had to go our separate ways for a while, but when we got legitimately together after not seeing each other for a few years, the fact that I was like 50 lbs heavier had and has no effect on anything, not even our "attraction." Sounds to me that your ex just likes stringing you along and likes the challenge of coming between you and your man.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I think that's what I'm going to do (: Show him what he's missing because he wanted to be an asshat. Lol. And let the man who loved me for me love my new body.

Quoting kgsharber:

 You need to lose the weight and rub it in his face. Screw that. He is clearly your ex for a reason. Leave it that way.

[barrelracer1699]

If he doesn't like your appearance then he really doesn't want to be with you. My husband suddenly went through a phase that I was too big for him too, married 10 yrs this year. Sounds like you need to distance yourself from him, if you want your current relationship to work.

[MsCherry10]

I know your stating that most of the reason you want to lose weight is because of him but I think it's what you truly want. You have a self esteem issue and that is causing you to be clingy with someone that loved you before you had a weight problem. He's real about what he wants, at least he was honest. I still wouldn't go after him after what he stated. You'll lose weight, get with him, to gain weight and have him cheat on you or be disappointed. Lose weight for you, you didn't state how much but it must have been a significant amount. Btw your s/o now has developed unconditional love for you. Wouldn't you want that above what your ex is offering? His love has "rules" that only favor him.

[Anonymous]

I am not saying what he said was right but some times the truth hurts....I am 5'1 and was 187 and dh was telling me that I am getting on the bigger side... I went on weight watchers and lost 30lbs in 6 months. Do it for ur daughter and ur self. If you are and 5ft that's on the heavy side and you will feel so good about ur self.. not trying to put you down or anything nor trying to be rude.

[RoseBlossom]

lose weight! that is not healthy! i got big too and feel soo much better now that im getting fitter and more in shape for myself and my kids so they can have a healthy mama. Its all about portion control, and excercise. Now i love to eat, but i excercise so I can! also about this guy...he is with someone, you are a side thing. he is just playing on what you all used to have. also does he have any kids? if hes not attracted to you because of weight i cant even imagine what kind of stepdad he will (or wont) be

[msalice_21]

He does sound really shallow. You really shouldbt be speaking or seeing him if either one of you have feelings. Thats recipe for disaster and very disrespectful to your SO.

[CheesyKitty]

He doesn't love "you" and you don't love "him" you love the idea or memory. 7 years you guys are completely different people. I say drop it and cut off communication, your current relationship will be stronger if you focus on it.

[canog08]

he seems shallow. he must be hella ugly too! id next him QUICK!

[Anonymous]

Thank him. Right now. Send him the following email or text... "I just want to thank you. You were such a huge part of my life years ago, and I have never been able to get over you. You were my ideal guy. You said what I wanted to hear. I knew that you loved me for me. Even when I met someone else and created a child with him, I coildnt stop thinking about you. You were everything I ever wanted in a man. Everything every guy I ever dated wasn't. The perfect guy I coildnt get my mind off of. And now, I want to thank you. Thank you for being a jackass. For making me finally understand that what I have now is real, and what I look back on through my nostalgia goggles, is nothing more than a fantasy. Nothing more than missing the feelings of my first love. My first love who is an asshole, and doesn't deserve me. Thank you for making me see that the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. Now, I will move on, and never let you cross my mind again"