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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

He said I gained too much weight :'( Sorry kinda long but please read!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My ex, who I've known for about 12 years, who was my first love...my first everything, recently told me I have gained too much weight...I usually don't care what anyone thinks but this hurt. See we broke up 7 years ago, apparently neither of us got over each other and have both admitted that we have thought of one another everyday since we split. We started talking again back in October and he hadn't seen me pretty much since we broke up when I was 17. I'm 24 now. I knew I'd gained a good bit of weight since then and I was afraid of him seeing me in person for that reason. One night I said screw it because I really wanted to be close to him and smell hos familiar smell again after so long. We were talking every chance we got before then, after he saw me he started acting different. I knew it was my appearance because he loves everything about me, except that I guess. He finally admitted to me about a week ago that my weight is an issue for him. He said he doesn't want to hurt me by saying that because he thinks I'm beautiful and he loves me but if we ever got back together he would like me to be the size I was when we broke up. I don't want him to know how much it hurt me, because I want to lose the weight myself, but he thinks if I stay the size I am now it will create an attraction issue and if we get back together he wants it to be forever. Says he knows this life is meant for us. That no one compares to me and just super sweet stuff like that. I'm with someone so I know it's not going to happen for us anytime soon because the guy I'm with is my childs father and I do love him. Being back with my ex is all I've wanted since we broke up but I'm not dropping everything for him, he hurt me SO badly and claims he wants to spend the rest of his days making it up to me but the whole fat thing just threw me off and kind of made me lose some respect for him. He recently got honorably discharged from the army and he's a very good looking guy. I actually still love him, I'm embarrassed to say that since I'm with someone but I can't just turn my feelings off like that. So now he's (my ex) is sleeping (fuck friends) with a girl I know and his ex-wifes friend and she's super skinny but not too pretty (I hate to judge but he's so sexy I know he could do better) but the super skinny part just frustrates me because I'll never be that small. Idk how to feel about what he said, I know I need to lose the weight but I don't want to do it for him, I want to do it for me and my little girl. I want to be healthy. I just can't help that it hurts. I really needed to get this off my chest. I hope someone can lend a few kind words or advice. My mind is so screwed up.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:58 AM
Replies (41-50):
ATG499
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 3:16 AM
That's all bad. He's way too shallow. Keep the man you got.

For the record, when I met my BF way back 6 or 7 years ago, I was overweight but not as big as I am now. We split up for a few years, and met again in Oct 2011. I was easily 60lbs heavier than I was back in the day. He didn't care. He DID say something when I gained another 50lbs (because of a new medication) but that was only because he was worried about my health.
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GwenGray
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 3:25 AM

this

Quoting DevinAnnesmom:

Personally, I'd stick with the guy who already loves you regardless of your weight. Your ex seems shallow.


I'm a belly dancing and sword fighting mama of 2. I'm married to my high school sweet heart. I plan on enlisting to the army very soon, and having more kids :)

chas1217
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 4:12 AM

 

I can understand that situation. Well at least the one good thing came out of it, you appreciate your current so a little more now. Btw, my last post wasn't supposed to come off as bitchy, I read it when you replied and thought it sounded much more bitchy than I wanted it to lol. Maybe talk to your so about some of your concerns that you have about your relationship? Why doesn't he work?

Quoting Anonymous:

My current s/o has had no job for the five years we've been together, drinks excessively, and just isn't the sweet guy I fell in love with. I am not leaving him for my ex, I've made that clear to my ex as well. Talking with him had made me appreciate my current a lot more, so it could have been a good thing but it still hurts.


Quoting chas1217:

I feel bad for the man you're with now. You're having these conversations with your ex and he's there loving you for you, no matter what size and you're emotionally cheating on him with someone who is telling you he loves you, but you have to be a certain size before you're good enough to be with him. That's not fair to your so that you have now.


If you want to lose the weight, do it for you, not for him. What happens when you leave you current so for your ex (after you're good enough for him again) and then you get pregnant again and gain some weight? Or just gain weight because it just happens sometimes, then he leaves you because you're not the "right" size. Guy sounds like a douche.



 

1RedHottMama
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:18 AM

My husband wouldn't care if I shaved my head and gained 500#,he loves me for me. Fortunately for him he married into a family of skinnies. I also wouldn't care if my husband is skinny or fat,we truly love each other. We have been married 12 years and no matter what color I dye my hair or if I chop it all off or I would gain a few pounds he would love me unconditionally.

armywife0424
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:41 AM
He doesn't really love you if he said those things. Love is unconditional, not I'll love you IF you're thin. He sounds like an asshole
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:47 AM
Stop holding onto the past and let it go. Instead of thinking about and talking to this douche all the time, focus on the man that is your childs father, that you say you love, that loves you as you are. That's the kind of love that will last a lifetime.
SadeAyosmom
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:48 AM

hmmm i want to say love doesnt put up ultimatums.

but this is reality and love has all sorts of bullshit ultimatums boundaries...


workoutmom2b1g
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:51 AM

Loose the weight, find a better guy. Sounds like you'll be better off. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:58 AM

 


Quoting brandonjr5:

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years my nanny has gained weight, has grey hair and wrinkles, but my grandfather still looks at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world.  Love is blind, if he loved you for real it would be unconditionally!

I can tell you love your little girl so much, I can tell just from the little bit I read....  I want you to pretend she is older and some guy just done this to her.  What would you tell her to do?  Wouldn't you be so mad that some one could cut her down like that?  Make your baby proud and stick up for yourself!  Kick his ass the the curb forever and tell him no offences I just can't be attracted to a jerk!  No one has the right to tell you what your body should look like.  And be proud of your body I'm 25 have 2 little boys and I know my body looks nothing like it did when I was 17....  But everyday I look at my 2 little guys I know it was worth.

 

I hope my reply helps you <3

This one hit home for me:) and I agree with you. OP please dont sell yourself short for some ex military douche. Let him have children and be out of the military for awhile see how long he stays in shape. Love yourself and your body and let  your inner beauty shine . You will loose the weight but not for him for yourself and your baby girl. Good Luck and hugs.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:05 AM
You can do it I was 248 5 months later. Im at 198.. And going down


Quoting Anonymous:

Your reply made me cry, thank you so much for that. I do love my little girl to pieces and would die for her. I would never want her to ever feel like she isn't good enough for someone. I would want her to feel and know she is beautiful and deserves the world! Do I wish I could get back to 150? Yes, it's not skinny but it's better than the weight I am now which is 240. Almost a hundred pounds heavier :/




Quoting brandonjr5:

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years my nanny has gained weight, has grey hair and wrinkles, but my grandfather still looks at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world.  Love is blind, if he loved you for real it would be unconditionally!

I can tell you love your little girl so much, I can tell just from the little bit I read....  I want you to pretend she is older and some guy just done this to her.  What would you tell her to do?  Wouldn't you be so mad that some one could cut her down like that?  Make your baby proud and stick up for yourself!  Kick his ass the the curb forever and tell him no offences I just can't be attracted to a jerk!  No one has the right to tell you what your body should look like.  And be proud of your body I'm 25 have 2 little boys and I know my body looks nothing like it did when I was 17....  But everyday I look at my 2 little guys I know it was worth.


I hope my reply helps you <3



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