Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i dont believe in domestic infant adoption ETA 1 and 2

Posted by   + Show Post

I don't believe in it anymore. It's a bunch of people in a business to make money off of other people's pain. SOME adoptive mothers are so desperate to get a baby they will do or say ANYTHING to get their hands on a child, then after they do they don't follow through with anything. as a BM myself I was a total idiot to believe what a few people told me. I would never do it again. I recommend keeping your child if at all possible. take it from me, it sucks. That's my statement for the day.

thanks for reading. I think most of my problem is with the system itself, and not actually adoption. I think there needs to be a lot of change with it, but thats JMO. Kudos to the many women out there who have adopted a child and kept in touch with the BM.  

change of title- i dont hate foster care or foreign adoption. im sorry to those who i offended, in particular to the anon i was rather harsh with.

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:45 AM
Replies (181-187):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I have no experience with what you went through, because we adopted internationally.  One of the reasons that we did so was that we (especially DH, who was insisted) did not want the BM in our lives.  People can criticize that all they want, but at least we were honest about it and didn't mislead anyone.  My understanding from reading posts on CM is that "open" adoptions aren't enforceable in most, if not all, states.  If that's the case, then I think the whole system IS a crock.  Adoption agencies and adopting parents should NOT mislead BMs.  It is simply wrong.

adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Quoting unspecified42:



I blame those that profited in selling off who would be 'best' to parent me.

That'll be $$$$$$ to spin the wheel of chance ladies. Both my mothers were taken in by a fast talking carny. All of us lost.
And here's another Mother who's been tricked by the industry. (((OP)))
theCMtroll82
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:26 AM

and that is awesome you were honest. I commend you for that. that's mostly what im venting about, is dishonest people in the adoption industry.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have no experience with what you went through, because we adopted internationally.  One of the reasons that we did so was that we (especially DH, who was insisted) did not want the BM in our lives.  People can criticize that all they want, but at least we were honest about it and didn't mislead anyone.  My understanding from reading posts on CM is that "open" adoptions aren't enforceable in most, if not all, states.  If that's the case, then I think the whole system IS a crock.  Adoption agencies and adopting parents should NOT mislead BMs.  It is simply wrong.


MomofHDFandNWF
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:29 AM

My SIIL and her nusband do a domestic adoption through a in-state adoption agency about 5 years ago.  They met the BM when she was pregnant, and arrived at the hospital shortly after the birth of their son.  They looked at adopting again, but the agency they went through was "bought out" by a larger agency that now is a nation-wide adoption agency, so it looks like that will not be an option for them this time.  The new nation-wise agency they would go through has huge fees that come with the adoption process, and they would not be able to guarantee a somewhat local (within a decent driving distance) adoption, so then that would be another expense down the line.

artistmom27
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:03 AM

It is a messy situation that can benefit the mother, child and adoptive parents if needed, but sometime the BM's take the families forgranted and the families prey on young pregnant women not ready to be mom's.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I think the thing that is missing here is that open adoptions are not for the birthmother. These types of relationships are for the child. Yeah, it sucks when the relationship is closed and I don agree with promising to have an open adoption and then immediately closing it, but I find it hard to believe that most people intend to close them from the beginning.

As an adoptive parent, I keep the lines of communication open with my ds bmom for his benefit. It is hard to have this other person in our lives who has a biological connection with him that we will never have. I think that many bmoms don't or can't recognize that it is difficult to maintain the relationship in a way that is beneficial to the child.

As far as bparents being the only ones able to close the relationship, by doing that the law will somehow takeaway some of the parental rights of the legal parents. It is within their rights to say who has a relationship with their child. I'm not trying to be cruel, but it is a reality. Many bparents overstep the boundaries that are set and the relationship has to be changed or terminated. I know we faced an issue with boundaries. We did not terminate contact because we believe it is best for our son to know his bfamily.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 22 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 4:13 PM
Quoting theCMtroll82:




"it has become mostly about money!! there are some wonderful people who would be great mothers if they could afford adoption. its BS. thats so nice of you."

My state offers free adoption. In fact, they give you money if you adopt a "less-desirable" child (black males and children with mental, physical or behavioral problems).
This isn't the case in other states?
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)