You ever feel like your life is not what it's supposed to be?
Maybe it's a mid-life crisis, I don't know. I'm 36, DH and I have been together since we were 15, married since 27. Our 10 yr anniversary is this year. We have two beautiful girls. But... something is missing. I am (or used to be) a silly, free-spiritied, fun and happy person. My hubby used to be spontaneous and fun and that's what attracted me to him. I don't know if it's having kids that changed the game, or what, but now he's just a huge ball of negative energy, ALL THE TIME and I don't know how much more I can take. He is wonderful with our girls but there is absolutely NO intimacy or even affection between us anymore, I can't even get a "good morning" or "good night" out of him. He just hands me the remote and goes to bed. I try to hold his hand and he'll "let me", limp-handed on his part for about 5 minutes, then he'll pull away going "I'm sweaty, stop." What is that?!?!?!? Anyway he's been out of work for a LONG time, he is a union operator and his work has been very very VERY scarce the last 2 years or so. I know that is a huge part of what's going on, and I don't know how to help him. But for God's sake STOP CRUSHING MY SPIRIT!!!! I find myself falling deeper and deeper into a depression and every time he stomps around the house with a scowl on his face about taxes, work or whatever, I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. I love certain things about him but there's others that I absolutely can't stand and I don't want him teaching his ways on our girls. Like he's not the MOST racist person I've known but he is pretty strong minded every time he sees something on the news or comes from a place of business in "not the greatest area" he just rants and raves about his negative experience and I don't want what he says to rub off on the girls. I believe in love and hapiness and positive energy. He thinks I'm a kook when I talk about positive energy and positive thinking. He laughs. :( That hurts. I don't want to be a "copy cat" but ya know this oldie but goodie popular video?
That is TOTALLY something I would do if DH wouldn't have such a huge stick up his butt. He is a wallflower and comes off as a friggin' jerk all quiet in the corner with a scowl on his face until he can get to know his surroundings then he warms up a bit and jokes around. He would never do that in a million years. Then this incredible story came out this week:
I WANT A LOVE STORY LIKE THAT!! I want to be surrounded by silly happy people like that!!! What happened to me??
Don't get me wrong, I still do love my husband but there is absolutely no spark anymore. We might as well be roommates. He works SO HARD for us and does everything he can to keep us afloat. I've said to myself for a long time that he gets an A++++++++ as a provider but an F as a HUSBAND. I'm not getting ANY emotional satisfaction whatsoever. It's killing me. But then I think, "What do you expect after being together for 21 years?" Then I think again, "What do these couples who have been together for 60 years have that we don't?" Ugh. I need to go back to bed. Thanks for the vent.