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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

You ever feel like your life is not what it's supposed to be?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis, I don't know. I'm 36, DH and I have been together since we were 15, married since 27. Our 10 yr anniversary is this year. We have two beautiful girls. But... something is missing. I am (or used to be) a silly, free-spiritied, fun and happy person. My hubby used to be spontaneous and fun and that's what attracted me to him. I don't know if it's having kids that changed the game, or what, but now he's just a huge ball of negative energy, ALL THE TIME and I don't know how much more I can take. He is wonderful with our girls but there is absolutely NO intimacy or even affection between us anymore, I can't even get a "good morning" or "good night" out of him. He just hands me the remote and goes to bed. I try to hold his hand and he'll "let me", limp-handed on his part for about 5 minutes, then he'll pull away going "I'm sweaty, stop." What is that?!?!?!? Anyway he's been out of work for a LONG time, he is a union operator and his work has been very very VERY scarce the last 2 years or so. I know that is a huge part of what's going on, and I don't know how to help him. But for God's sake STOP CRUSHING MY SPIRIT!!!! I find myself falling deeper and deeper into a depression and every time he stomps around the house with a scowl on his face about taxes, work or whatever, I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. I love certain things about him but there's others that I absolutely can't stand and I don't want him teaching his ways on our girls. Like he's not the MOST racist person I've known but he is pretty strong minded every time he sees something on the news or comes from a place of business in "not the greatest area" he just rants and raves about his negative experience and I don't want what he says to rub off on the girls. I believe in love and hapiness and positive energy. He thinks I'm a kook when I talk about positive energy and positive thinking. He laughs. :( That hurts. I don't want to be a "copy cat" but ya know this oldie but goodie popular video? 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0
That is TOTALLY something I would do if DH wouldn't have such a huge stick up his butt. He is a wallflower and comes off as a friggin' jerk all quiet in the corner with a scowl on his face until he can get to know his surroundings then he warms up a bit and jokes around. He would never do that in a million years. Then this incredible story came out this week: 
http://www.933flz.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=457842&article=10819122
I WANT A LOVE STORY LIKE THAT!! I want to be surrounded by silly happy people like that!!! What happened to me??
Don't get me wrong, I still do love my husband but there is absolutely no spark anymore. We might as well be roommates. He works SO HARD for us and does everything he can to keep us afloat. I've said to myself for a long time that he gets an A++++++++ as a provider but an F as a HUSBAND. I'm not getting ANY emotional satisfaction whatsoever. It's killing me. But then I think, "What do you expect after being together for 21 years?" Then I think again, "What do these couples who have been together for 60 years have that we don't?" Ugh. I need to go back to bed. Thanks for the vent. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:32 AM
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Replies (1-4):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:35 AM
They have spark and affecftion you won't make it another year at this point let alone 60.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:45 AM

They have two people who are committed to getting through thick and thin, better and worse, sickness and health. 

I am afraid I will be writing this in 10 years. I am 26, been together since 15. I have always said DH is the best father ever and the worst husband ever. One book I've read that has helped me stay twice is "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". It asks you diagnostic questions about your relationship and tells you (based on the author's 30 years of experience as a couples counselor) whether a person who answered yes or no to any given question was happier if they stayed or left. You can see some of the questions here:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/08/how-to-decide-when-to-end-a-long-term-relationship/

But the book is really helpful in explaining everything. 

Life is short. You are still young. Do you want this relationship for your daughters? Would you want them to bring home a man who acts like your DH, and thing that that's all they deserve? If not, you know what you need to do. 


beco8627
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:46 AM
I'm thinking that right about now you both need to make it a point to work on your marriage and get back to being IN love. Sit down with him, express your concerns, feelings, etc. And encourage him to do the same. Suggest counseling and changing things TOGETHER.
It sounds like you both are in a rut. He's probably feeling very much less of a man right now due to the no work thing. That truly affects a man whom is trying to be the provider for his family. It stresses them out and causes depression if they feel they aren't doing a good enough job. Then they start disconnecting which causes the woman to feel insecure, unhappy and ultimately depressed.
Just be open and honest with him, feel him out on his thoughts and feelings and work on it together :)
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:10 AM
Something similar happened to me. We've been married now 15 years , we have 2 wonderful children and we both work our asses off. After a while though with me working and him working and taking care of our kids we barley interacted with each other and my husband really hated his job. Anyway I felt alone I was still in love with my husband but felt alone. One day my husband runs up stairs to our apartment I could hear him through the front door in the middle of the morning and comes in with this huge grin in his face and said" baby I got fired" I know it not the best news in the world and trust me we needed the money but I was happy for him and us . My husband found another job that he loved and I climbed the later at work so I make enough to support our family if I needed to. Our relationship did a 360 . We have been extremely happy ever since that was a few years ago. Sometimes I think it's because of life things become repetitive and cause depression in men and women. Try to change things. Take care and good luck
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