Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

idk what to do

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have no idea what to do, ds wants his friend to sleep over but dh doesnt want him to. his reasons are crazy. the kid is from the projects and dh doesn't like that. he said we need to know the parents and he isnt sure he wants to mingle with people like that. he doesnt mind that ds is friends with the kid, he just said that the parents are probably scum and he that if ds wants to sleep over there he would never ever approve of it. from what i have seen, the kid is really good and ds gets on well with him. but dh is concerned about the parents and where the kid is from

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:46 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

 I told DH that even if we didnt approve of the parents, I dont see why the kid cant stay here once in a while and we just wont let ds go there.

Quoting MammaPaparazza:

I don't know, there is boy my DS gets along with really well but his family is crazy, and we would never allow DS to spend the night there, but the boy is welcomed here anytime.
I don't care to expose my DS to their lifestyle or their teens who smoke and talk about sex freely. I don't think it's bad to be cautious of the company your child would be in.
However... Even some of the most straight laced people on the outside have horrible secrets in the home, so it's best to get to know the other parents and then make a decision

 

ATL958
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:56 AM
2 moms liked this
I grew up poor, and my very best friend's family was wealthy.

I am glad that they never allowed our friendship to be terminated because of my social standing.

I understand where your DH is coming from, to a degree, because I would be choosy about my child's associates. Not because of where they are from (projects), but based on their home life. After all, a wealthy family can be FULL of people that I wouldn't want my child around (heard of the Kardashians?).

All of that being said....a good indicator of that child's home life and upbringing can be seen in the child himself. Is he well mannered and polite? If so, then who cares if he lives in the projects.

Make arrangements to meet the family. Invite them over for dinner, or make a play date at a public park. Then make a decision.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
leavinglasvegas
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:59 AM
3 moms liked this

He judges an entire person's background, upbringing, and home culture based on the person's address, but he isn't an idiot?   Anyhow - calling someone to meet them doesn't set up a friendship - it's perfectly reasonable to call and say "Your son wants to sleep over and I'm sure you'd feel more comfortable if you knew whose house he is staying in."

Has it occurred to your husband that his own son should be a good judge of character as to who his friends are and, if the kid seems like a nice kid, then someone has to be raising him correctly?


Quoting Anonymous:

 my husband is far from an idiot, he happened to work at these particular projects years ago and said that pretty much everyone that was in there was drug addict, partying trash that couldnt even keep an eye on their kids.

Quoting EvilAsh:

Your husband seems like an idiot. Not everyone that lives in federal housing is scum. A lot of them are single mothers that are going through a rough time and needed some help. I have a good friend whose boyfriend left her when she was pregnant and she works a good 50-60 hours a week to make ends meet for her and her child. She's hardly scum.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:00 AM

 actually we do unfortunately. they are about 10 minutes away. the people that live in my neighborhood threw a fit when they mentioned that projects were being built. I didnt live her then, it was about 8 years ago when they were being built, it was supposed to be for the low income families to have the chance to raise their kids in a nicer "suburban" area and attend a nicer school. But all the scumbags moved in and there have been tons of town meetings about getting these apartments closed down because of all the trouble it attracts. We are moving next month as far away from that place as possible

Quoting Anonymous:

You must live near enough to the" trashy projects" for the kids to go to school together-so what is the big deal?

 

ATL958
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:00 AM
I agree, EA. poor does not necessarily = scum.


Quoting EvilAsh:

Gotta love it. I'm just saying, not everyone who falls on hard times is scum. I get that most are, but not all.

Quoting Anonymous:

 my husband is far from an idiot, he happened to work at these particular projects years ago and said that pretty much everyone that was in there was drug addict, partying trash that couldnt even keep an eye on their kids.


Quoting EvilAsh:


Your husband seems like an idiot. Not everyone that lives in federal housing is scum. A lot of them are single mothers that are going through a rough time and needed some help. I have a good friend whose boyfriend left her when she was pregnant and she works a good 50-60 hours a week to make ends meet for her and her child. She's hardly scum.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
BewitchedKisses
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM

Wow. Your DH sounds like a huge snob. Let the kid sleep over and get to know his parents. They're probably perfectly normal people. If not, then oh well, don't be friendly with them anymore. Be cordial for the kids' sake.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM

 my husband has a valid point, he worked there after all and seen what types lived there. but the kid seems pretty good.

Quoting leavinglasvegas:

He judges an entire person's background, upbringing, and home culture based on the person's address, but he isn't an idiot?   Anyhow - calling someone to meet them doesn't set up a friendship - it's perfectly reasonable to call and say "Your son wants to sleep over and I'm sure you'd feel more comfortable if you knew whose house he is staying in."

Has it occurred to your husband that his own son should be a good judge of character as to who his friends are and, if the kid seems like a nice kid, then someone has to be raising him correctly?

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 my husband is far from an idiot, he happened to work at these particular projects years ago and said that pretty much everyone that was in there was drug addict, partying trash that couldnt even keep an eye on their kids.

Quoting EvilAsh:

Your husband seems like an idiot. Not everyone that lives in federal housing is scum. A lot of them are single mothers that are going through a rough time and needed some help. I have a good friend whose boyfriend left her when she was pregnant and she works a good 50-60 hours a week to make ends meet for her and her child. She's hardly scum.

 

 

 

 

MammaPaparazza
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:04 AM
I'm with you! This brought up a memory... When I started dating my dh he was from the nicer district and where I grew up was considered the other side of the tracks but not the ghetto, it was middle class town.
His real mother at lunch one day told his sister "oh no, there will be no more boyfriends from Levittown"
I was like WTF lady I'm sitting right here!!!
Then upon talking to step mother in law I find out that she herself was from the hood... Literally the worst neighborhood.
Now that hurt my feelings -here I am a respectable person and to hear someone else down talk where my parents did the best they could to raise us , and she grew up worse! She just got lucky buying a broken house in rich hood and dh dad fixed it up
Hard to blame the kids :(


Quoting ATL958:

I grew up poor, and my very best friend's family was wealthy.



I am glad that they never allowed our friendship to be terminated because of my social standing.



I understand where your DH is coming from, to a degree, because I would be choosy about my child's associates. Not because of where they are from (projects), but based on their home life. After all, a wealthy family can be FULL of people that I wouldn't want my child around (heard of the Kardashians?).



All of that being said....a good indicator of that child's home life and upbringing can be seen in the child himself. Is he well mannered and polite? If so, then who cares if he lives in the projects.



Make arrangements to meet the family. Invite them over for dinner, or make a play date at a public park. Then make a decision.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:04 AM

 having standards for your children does not equal snob. he is worried that the parents are bad news and doesnt want our children associating with that

Quoting BewitchedKisses:

Wow. Your DH sounds like a huge snob. Let the kid sleep over and get to know his parents. They're probably perfectly normal people. If not, then oh well, don't be friendly with them anymore. Be cordial for the kids' sake.

 

twinmommy27
by Ruby Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd tell him you don't have to let him stay over at the boys house. You can just have him stay at your house. I do it with my kids friends if I'm not a fan of the parents.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)