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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

idk what to do

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have no idea what to do, ds wants his friend to sleep over but dh doesnt want him to. his reasons are crazy. the kid is from the projects and dh doesn't like that. he said we need to know the parents and he isnt sure he wants to mingle with people like that. he doesnt mind that ds is friends with the kid, he just said that the parents are probably scum and he that if ds wants to sleep over there he would never ever approve of it. from what i have seen, the kid is really good and ds gets on well with him. but dh is concerned about the parents and where the kid is from

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:46 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM

not everyone that lives in the "projects" are bad, scum people. the only way for you to know is to meet the parents. just call them , meet them somewhere( say the park) or gasp their house.

christineT79
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Tell your dh to meet the parents before assuming they are trash. It's a pretty simple solution.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:07 AM

 I said let's invite them over for coffee, ds and their son can play and we can talk and meet them. he's still a bit not worried but hesitant.

Quoting Anonymous:

not everyone that lives in the "projects" are bad, scum people. the only way for you to know is to meet the parents. just call them , meet them somewhere( say the park) or gasp their house.

 

Jebekarue
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Just because your kids are friends doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be friends with the parent(s)  I think I have met 3 of my dd friends parents and that was so she could spend the night.  Thankfully they lived in nice neighborhoods and they seemed like decent people. 

It feels strange not having tons of friends, but I have learned over the years I can't stand the freakin drama, being dragged into divorces and having to pick sides.  It bothers me not having people to hang out with and I do get lonely but I have been there done that and it makes me crazy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:08 AM


so he work there years agos. still doesn't mean that everyone there is like that. furthermore you can have people living next door,, across the street, ect that do drug, sells, ect.  

Quoting Anonymous:

 my husband is far from an idiot, he happened to work at these particular projects years ago and said that pretty much everyone that was in there was drug addict, partying trash that couldnt even keep an eye on their kids.

Quoting EvilAsh:

Your husband seems like an idiot. Not everyone that lives in federal housing is scum. A lot of them are single mothers that are going through a rough time and needed some help. I have a good friend whose boyfriend left her when she was pregnant and she works a good 50-60 hours a week to make ends meet for her and her child. She's hardly scum.




katiekiwi
by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:08 AM

not true..  the school in my neighborhood used to be a really good school...until they started busing kids in from "the projects" because their schools were too crowded.  

But i do agree that not all people who are in projects are scum...but  many of them are.


Quoting Anonymous:

You must live near enough to the" trashy projects" for the kids to go to school together-so what is the big deal?



leavinglasvegas
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

No, he doesn't. A valid point would require him to know this child's parents. My DH was a juvenile PO and spent countless hours in projects and broken homes, he would never tell me he didn't want my kids being friends with other children because of their address. There are lots of great parents that live in low income housing, even in the worst of it. And over time he's teaching your son to discriminate based on income level - because that's exactly what your DH is doing.

My cousins grew up in the projects and some of those homes were filled with drunks, criminals and drug addicts. And some were great people that had jobs and were trying to do better for their families. Some even moved out and bought homes of their own - imagine that! Call the child's mom and tell her you'd love to have your son be friends with her son - but he can't until he gets a better address.


Quoting Anonymous:

 my husband has a valid point, he worked there after all and seen what types lived there. but the kid seems pretty good.

Quoting leavinglasvegas:

He judges an entire person's background, upbringing, and home culture based on the person's address, but he isn't an idiot?   Anyhow - calling someone to meet them doesn't set up a friendship - it's perfectly reasonable to call and say "Your son wants to sleep over and I'm sure you'd feel more comfortable if you knew whose house he is staying in."

Has it occurred to your husband that his own son should be a good judge of character as to who his friends are and, if the kid seems like a nice kid, then someone has to be raising him correctly?


Quoting Anonymous:

 my husband is far from an idiot, he happened to work at these particular projects years ago and said that pretty much everyone that was in there was drug addict, partying trash that couldnt even keep an eye on their kids.

Quoting EvilAsh:

Your husband seems like an idiot. Not everyone that lives in federal housing is scum. A lot of them are single mothers that are going through a rough time and needed some help. I have a good friend whose boyfriend left her when she was pregnant and she works a good 50-60 hours a week to make ends meet for her and her child. She's hardly scum.







spooky415
by Ruby Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:10 AM
just set up a meeting. its kinda sad that your son can't be friends with some people because your husband can't get past his prior prejudice to meet someone.
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BewitchedKisses
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this

When you are worried about a person because of where they live, yes you are a snob.You don't even know the parents and are judging them.

So the kid lives in the projects? My son's best friend lives in the ghetto. His dad has a doctorate and works for the TSA as a behavior analyst. His mom is a Dental Assistant. They are great people. They live in a bad neighborhood. They have bars on their windows and three deadbolts on each door. But they are stuck in the place they live because they can't sell it because of the neighborhood.

You can not always judge a book by it's cover.

Quoting Anonymous:

 having standards for your children does not equal snob. he is worried that the parents are bad news and doesnt want our children associating with that

Quoting BewitchedKisses:

Wow. Your DH sounds like a huge snob. Let the kid sleep over and get to know his parents. They're probably perfectly normal people. If not, then oh well, don't be friendly with them anymore. Be cordial for the kids' sake.



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leavinglasvegas
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:12 AM

I missed the post that said that you're moving next month - why sweat this? He won't be living close enough to ever see this kid again so why use that time to make it clear to this child that he isn't good enough to be in your house?

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