The b**** is back and I don't know what to do...LONG but I NEED help!! *eta*
I don't even know where to start...i'll try to make this as short as possible. But PLEASE read...I really need advice.
So dh's mother is insane, literally. For most of dh's life she has been "trying to kill herself"..now i say trying because before she lost her marbles, she was a registered nurse. So I feel like if she really wanted to kill herself, she would know how to do it, easily.
When Dh was a kid he walked in on her bleeding from her wrists..trying to hang her self and once she even tried to blow up their apartment and kill them both, that's just the tip of the iceberg. She even had him admitted to a pysch ward at one point claiming all these things about him that were untrue...she is just truly messed up.
He eventually went to live with his grandfather then joined the military and blah blah blah. She was out of his life for a long time, until I got pregnant. She showed her ugly face again. He tried to give her the benefit of doubt but she just started pulling her same old shit again. We both decided that we did not want someone so unstable in our childs life. We don't want him growing up going to see "grammy" in the hospital because they "don't think she'll pull through this time."
Given his childhood, dh is a miracle. He is sweet, kind, motivated, caring and successful. He is in a great place in his life, until she starts trying to get back into our lives again. It's like a switch goes off in his head and he just completely reverts to the scared, confused little boy he once was. The last time he saw or spoke to her was about two years ago when she was in the hospital for trying to overdose on tylenol. I hate what it did to him. I deleted and blocked her from both of our fb's as that was her main way of trying to contact us.
Fast forward to last night...I get a message from his mom on fb. Looks like fb changed their crap again and she was able to see my profile and send me message. She said that she just wants to be a grandmother, if only from a distance and for me to please add her as a friend again. Dh doesn't want her seeing ds or knowing anything about him or us and our lives. He's done, he just wants to be happy and she always has a way of getting into his head. That's why she comes to me because she knows he's done and i guess has hope that i will be different.
So now my question. What do I do? Even the mention of his mothers names sends him into a fit of rage and depression. Do I respond to her and tell her to contact dh? Do I tell dh about the message even though it will hurt him and stress him out? Or should I just ignore the message and allow dh to be happy? Please help...I am so conflicted right now!
-so the majority of you say to just ignore her and not to tell dh. That was my initial thought too but now i'm feeling guilty..like I'm hiding something from dh and it doesn't feel good. Ugh, why couldn't she just stay gone?!