I did wrong and my son is paying for it! :( :'( ***UPDATE****EDIT****2
My son is 4, and is well aware that he is gone. He made us pack up everything to move back into my Mothers house, because he doesn't want us in his life anymore. All the while still saying he loved him. His mother on the other hand is coaching him how to get rid of us and start legal battles.
I think despite the paternity, he already has been in my sons life as daddy and I see nothing wrong with him growing up calling him dad, and probably letting him know at an appropriate age that he is not his dad. I am biased of course, but now my son has a hole in his life that I caused and I have no idea how to move on from this... I just want him to have a father figure. I have no father myself, no uncles. I have a younger brother but he's not old enough to provide a valid example/role model. My brother is only 15 and its not his problem and I am not putting this on anyone else. I am just hurt at how easily it was for this man who claimed to love us, and above all my son who has no fault in this situation, to abandon us because of his blood.
I know you must be wondering about the real father. He's a bum, he's denied him and refuses to do anything. He is married now with kids and the last thing he wants is an illegitimate child. I do not think its worth pursuing it just to have a name on the birth certificate when my son won't be able to recognize him as "daddy". This is just a big mess I created, and now my son has to pay the price. What possible solution could I have to this situation?
I just found out he and his mother put a restraining order on me although ive done nothing to threaten anyone. And he threw all my and my sons property that was left in the house out onto the street. Im on my way there with police. My name is not on the lease but the police say I can sue if anything is damaged. This has got to be the most vindictive evil that has been thrown at me. I'm at a loss for words.
Also for all your responses thank you. I didn't believe I would get any support. I thought I was wrong and its my loss. But seeing this now gives me comfort in knowing that my wrong doesn't deserve all this. I'm on my phone so I can't respond to everyone but know I'm reading your words of advice and comfort. And if anyone thinks I deserve this or my son deserves this, then please stay away from this post.
He has slandered my name all over the place and turned some of my family members against me. From what ive been told he is electing not to share the fact that he knew the possibility. Now apparently his story is he had a feeling he wasnt the father, did a test and now is going through the shock of saying ive lied to him through the whole ordeal. This is far from over. He disconnected my phone and canceled the payment on my car insurance.
Oh yeah I got a nice check from my insurance for an accident we had (all legal papers were in my name concerning the car) and he went in my purse and took the $5000 cash after i cashed the check, claiming it was his money and I cant have it or do anything about it. I know for a fact he is not done putting me through hell.
I posted this as a response but figured I would add it here so everyone can understand::
He told me when it happened he was using the test to determine our "fate" and had my son been his, he would have never told me about it and pursued a happy life with me. It wasn't just an argument thing either. We had a couple discussions in calm manners and it almost always was because his mom or aunt were questioning if he was ever going to do it. I told him to do it, I have no problem with it. And we discussed what would happen if the results were that he wasnt the father. He painted pretty pictures of still loving my son and needing to pursue a test with the bio dad but stressed that despite all that he would not leave us. And well now it proved to be a lie.I dont care if he hates me. It hurts like hell I have to go through this. I just wish there was a better way for my son. And I dont plan on pretending he is his dad. Im just trying to pick things up piece by piece since this is all still a fresh shock.