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I did wrong and my son is paying for it! :( :'( ***UPDATE****EDIT****2

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 116 Replies
1 mom liked this
5 years ago I made a terrible mistake. I cheated on my then bf who was up until 2 days ago my sons father and my fiance. Due to confusing dates and Dr.s counts I firmly believed my son was his. He knew it had happened, had some doubts but never pursued a paternity test. I told him many times to do it but he didn't follow through. He waited until last week, after being "Daddy" for 4 years to finally go behind my back with his mother (who has hated me from day 1) and took my son to a state certified dna testing center to get tested. He got the results on Valentines day and turned out I was wrong. I admit this should have been done years and years ago. I know I messed up huge. I will and have admitted it to everyone who needed to hear it. But now after promising he will still love him and care for him like he is still his son, he decided to abandon him. He told me today he is not going to be a part of his life ever again and does not want to pretend to be a father to him when he isn't his real father. He doesn't want to live a lie and hurt him in the long run.

My son is 4, and is well aware that he is gone. He made us pack up everything to move back into my Mothers house, because he doesn't want us in his life anymore. All the while still saying he loved him. His mother on the other hand is coaching him how to get rid of us and start legal battles.

I think despite the paternity, he already has been in my sons life as daddy and I see nothing wrong with him growing up calling him dad, and probably letting him know at an appropriate age that he is not his dad. I am biased of course, but now my son has a hole in his life that I caused and I have no idea how to move on from this... I just want him to have a father figure. I have no father myself, no uncles. I have a younger brother but he's not old enough to provide a valid example/role model. My brother is only 15 and its not his problem and I am not putting this on anyone else. I am just hurt at how easily it was for this man who claimed to love us, and above all my son who has no fault in this situation, to abandon us because of his blood.

I know you must be wondering about the real father. He's a bum, he's denied him and refuses to do anything. He is married now with kids and the last thing he wants is an illegitimate child. I do not think its worth pursuing it just to have a name on the birth certificate when my son won't be able to recognize him as "daddy". This is just a big mess I created, and now my son has to pay the price. What possible solution could I have to this situation?


*****EDIT******
I just found out he and his mother put a restraining order on me although ive done nothing to threaten anyone. And he threw all my and my sons property that was left in the house out onto the street. Im on my way there with police. My name is not on the lease but the police say I can sue if anything is damaged. This has got to be the most vindictive evil that has been thrown at me. I'm at a loss for words.

Also for all your responses thank you. I didn't believe I would get any support. I thought I was wrong and its my loss. But seeing this now gives me comfort in knowing that my wrong doesn't deserve all this. I'm on my phone so I can't respond to everyone but know I'm reading your words of advice and comfort. And if anyone thinks I deserve this or my son deserves this, then please stay away from this post.

*****New update******
He has slandered my name all over the place and turned some of my family members against me. From what ive been told he is electing not to share the fact that he knew the possibility. Now apparently his story is he had a feeling he wasnt the father, did a test and now is going through the shock of saying ive lied to him through the whole ordeal. This is far from over. He disconnected my phone and canceled the payment on my car insurance.

Oh yeah I got a nice check from my insurance for an accident we had (all legal papers were in my name concerning the car) and he went in my purse and took the $5000 cash after i cashed the check, claiming it was his money and I cant have it or do anything about it. I know for a fact he is not done putting me through hell.

I posted this as a response but figured I would add it here so everyone can understand::

He told me when it happened he was using the test to determine our "fate" and had my son been his, he would have never told me about it and pursued a happy life with me. It wasn't just an argument thing either. We had a couple discussions in calm manners and it almost always was because his mom or aunt were questioning if he was ever going to do it. I told him to do it, I have no problem with it. And we discussed what would happen if the results were that he wasnt the father. He painted pretty pictures of still loving my son and needing to pursue a test with the bio dad but stressed that despite all that he would not leave us. And well now it proved to be a lie.I dont care if he hates me. It hurts like hell I have to go through this. I just wish there was a better way for my son. And I dont plan on pretending he is his dad. Im just trying to pick things up piece by piece since this is all still a fresh shock.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PoisonousBlonde
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:51 PM
Bump
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oboe_chik
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:51 PM
8 moms liked this
At least get cs from the bio dad and move on with life.as a single mom
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:53 PM
8 moms liked this
While you should have made better choices, I think he is a loser for being a dad to your son for 4 years, then deciding nope, nevermind. THAT is what will mess up your son. GL op.
lovnmy3boys
by Paula on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:54 PM

I don't see what can be done if he refuses to have your son in his life. That sucks...

Good luck, the bio dad should be taking responsibility.

curlycupcake
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:54 PM
3 moms liked this
That's so awful. If he knew there was a chance of not being the bio dad and refused to DNA test then why now? What happened? And I'm sorry, but what a dickhole to be a dad for four years & then just throw in the towel.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:55 PM
This. And your df is a douche for knowing there was a possibility he wasn't his son and raising him by his choice and then abandoning him :(



Quoting oboe_chik:

At least get cs from the bio dad and move on with life.as a single mom


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Byrd15
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:56 PM
3 moms liked this

As much as you were wrong for not getting this checked sooner, being a father isnt about DNA, its about love... Obviously your now EX doesn't love you or your son... I have a feeling you're better off. Good luck!

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:57 PM
2 moms liked this
Go after the deadbeat for child support. He has other kids he's supporting, he needs to support this one.
Peytonsmom6308
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:57 PM
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If he has known it was a possibility that your ds wasn't his, why does he care now?
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Mamie_85
by Platinum Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:57 PM
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He doesn't need that man in his life. Yes, you could have gotten the paternity test sooner, but if he didn't want it there wasn't much you can do. He's a piece of shit who doesn't deserve either of you. One day you'll find a decent man, and your son will have a really daddy.
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