Tonight I slapped dd7 across the face. She was mouthing off and without thinking I slapped her. Her nose started to bleed and when she put her hands up to her face I held them down and demanded she listen and stop being histerical.
She calmed down. I ranted and she put her hand up to my face to make me stop I slapped her again.
I realized what I did and cried and hugged her.
This isnt the first time. I dont know why I do this. It wasnt always this way, I used to be a good mom. But something changed and I dont know how to go back to the way it used to be.
I'm calling Monday morning and surrendering my children to be put in foster care, they are 7 and 5.
That's my confession. I wont be back to this site, clearly I am not fit to be called a mother.
I am ashamed and I hate myself. I wish I were dead.
thank you for all the kind replies, I wont sign them over reading all the terrible things that could happen to them, but I don't know where to turn or what to do to fix this. I don't have family or anyone I can turn to for help with them, even their dad has been out of the picture since the youngest was still in my belly. Im so alone and I dont know how to even be a mom. I know it's not about me, it's about them. But Im the problem.