i dont think autism is a blessing (i will be bashed for this) EDITED IN RED, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!
my son has the dx of autism and spd, and to tell you the truth, i dont find it a blessing, or a gift, or anything speical at all
all these autism moms, embrace thier kids autism, and act like its the greatest thing.
i would give anything for my son not to have autism.
i would love to see my son eat a real meal without a battle everyday, and see him survive without pediasure.
i would love to sit down and play with him, without him ignoring me, or making me just sit their and watch him move his cars.
i would love to take him to a store without him throwing himself down in the parkinglot or the store because he doesnt want in or out of the cart
i would love to take him anywhere without having to pick him up x amount of times from the ground.
i would love to not have him screaming all the time, and hitting, and smacking, and pounding, and kicking, and running, and spinning, and flapping.
i would love to see him dance for real, not spin in circles like a madman everytime a song comes on.
i love to have a conversation with him that doesn't involve no and yes.
i would love to not have to fight about every clothes change, getting shoes on, coats on, going inside, going outside.
i would love to have him really hug me and not just lay his head on my legs or chest.
i would love for him to understand when mommy says no it means do not do it.
i would love for him to listen to what i say, and not have to say it 20 times and then scream it to get a response.
hes getting bigger, and i cant lug him around much longer, im small, and i feel like ill have to start lifting weights just to keep up with him when he fights me.
its so hard to carry a child whos thrashing around constantly and still manage to get him dressed/ put him in his carseat/ insert task
i want to feel like a good mom, but at every turn hes doing something else thats bad, or scary, or destructive.
i love him to death, and the only time i feel really close to him is when hes sleeping or pooping.
the only time hes really sweet is when hes pooping because he hates it so much i have to sit next to him holding him while hes on the potty, and whining because he hates to go so much.and he repeatedly say mommy i hold you (his way of saying mommy hold me)
in my eyes there is not blessing that comes with autism except you cherish nevery small victory, but having to cherish those small wins, like cheering when a new bite of food is taken, or a meal is actually eaten, is so sad because you think this is what he is suppose to do, he should be doing this 3 times a day to survive, not finishing a meal twice a week!
i know this post will upset alot of autism moms, but im sorry this is how i feel, and i needed to get it off my chest.
Thank you all for being so supportive, I really was not exspecting all the wonderful replies I have gotten, I will try to respond to everyone you commented, You women have really made me feel alot better, and it felt so good to get all of that off my chest and not one of you said anything evenly slightly mean or cruel, each comment was filled with support.
That is a rarity on this group. and i wanted to tell each and every one of you who commented on this post, thank you. your words really mean alot to me.