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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i dont think autism is a blessing (i will be bashed for this) EDITED IN RED, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 105 Replies
14 moms liked this

my son has the dx of autism and spd, and to tell you the truth, i dont find it a blessing, or a gift, or anything speical at all

all these autism moms, embrace thier kids autism, and act like its the greatest thing.

its not!!

i would give anything for my son not to have autism.

i would love to see my son eat a real meal without a battle everyday, and see him survive without pediasure.

i would love to sit down and play with him, without him ignoring me, or making me just sit their and watch him move his cars.

i would love to take him to a store without him throwing himself down in the parkinglot or the store because he doesnt want in or out of the cart

i would love to take him anywhere without having to pick him up x amount of times from the ground.

i would love to not have him screaming all the time, and hitting, and smacking, and pounding, and kicking, and running, and spinning, and flapping.

i would love to see him dance for real, not spin in circles like a madman everytime a song comes on.

i love to have a conversation with him that doesn't involve no and yes.

i would love to not have to fight about every clothes change, getting shoes on, coats on, going inside, going outside.

i would love to have him really hug me and not just lay his head on my legs or chest.

i would love for him to understand when mommy says no it means do not do it.

i would love for him to listen to what i say, and not have to say it 20 times and then scream it to get a response.

hes getting bigger, and i cant lug him around much longer, im small, and i feel like ill have to start lifting weights just to keep  up with him when he fights me. 

its so hard to carry a child whos thrashing around constantly and still manage to get him dressed/ put him in his carseat/ insert task

i want to feel like a good mom, but at every turn hes doing something else thats bad, or scary, or destructive.

i love him to death, and the only time i feel really close to him is when hes sleeping or pooping.

the only time hes really sweet is when hes pooping because he hates it so much i have to sit next to him holding him while hes on the potty, and whining because he hates to go so much.and he repeatedly say mommy i hold you (his way of saying mommy hold me)

in my eyes there is not blessing that comes with autism except you cherish nevery small victory, but having to cherish those small wins, like cheering when a new bite of food is taken, or a meal is actually eaten, is so sad because you think this is what he is suppose to do, he should be doing this 3 times a day to survive, not finishing a meal twice a week!

i know this post will upset alot of autism moms, but im sorry this is how i feel, and i needed to get it off my chest.

Thank you all for being so supportive, I really was not exspecting all the wonderful replies I have gotten, I will try to respond to everyone you commented, You women have really made me feel alot better, and it felt so good to get all of that off my chest and not one of you said anything evenly slightly mean or cruel, each comment was filled with support. 

That is a rarity on this group. and i wanted to tell each and every one of you who commented on this post, thank you. your words really mean alot to me.




Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BelleVernonGirl
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:11 AM

I'm sorry momma...it would be so hard.  Chin up!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:12 AM



Quoting BelleVernonGirl:

I'm sorry momma...it would be so hard.  Chin up!


thank you

xomrs.chase
by Ruby Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:12 AM
*hugs*
Having a child with a disability is hard, and you're entitled to your feelings. While my child (so far) doesn't have one- before having him I worked with adults with disabilities. My job was trying and exhausting- but it didn't compare to the full time job as the parent.

Be sure to give yourself a break every so often. EVERY parent deserves that- and it's OK.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:14 AM
7 moms liked this
I am sure EVERY mother with an autistic or special needs child has felt this way at one point or another, whether they are going to admit it or not.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:15 AM

I'm sorry too. But thanks for being honest and sharing. I don't believe I would find it to be a blessing either. I would feel that it was just the hand I was dealt, I love my child so now I must deal with it.

hugs

teal_phoenix
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:15 AM

 hugs

Kris_PBG
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:15 AM
Hugs mama.
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Tinabee88
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:16 AM

It's hard having a loved one with a disability and dealing with them on a daily basis and I couldn't imagine having a disabled child. *Hugs* And I hope things start looking up for you. Take it one day at a time.

Vixcalamity
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:17 AM
3 moms liked this
It's ok to feel that way. If someone makes you feel bad because of it then that's their problem. It's only bad if you always think that way. As long as you do find joy in the good times and push through the bad, I think you are doing a great job. You are human. It's ok to act like it. *hugs*
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:18 AM


i get breaks, i do, my son has 2 wonderful sets of grandparents that love him more than the world, which makes me feel worse because even when i get breaks, i come back and hes the same and i'll admit im depressed, i dont show it, i dont act like i am, but its depressing. i will come back from lets say a nice lunch with my finace, and be so happy and excited to see him, and then almost imediatly he starts screaming or hitting me, and i try redirecting saying things like "hey lets go play" or "hey wanna go to the park?" and it may work for a few minutes but then hes back in his little world, or if we go to the park its the  imediate battle of getting him ready to even go. he loves the park, and i cant wait till its warmern so we can go more, cause to me the battles worth it, its the only place hes semi normal at cause he loves the slides. 

Quoting xomrs.chase:

*hugs*
Having a child with a disability is hard, and you're entitled to your feelings. While my child (so far) doesn't have one- before having him I worked with adults with disabilities. My job was trying and exhausting- but it didn't compare to the full time job as the parent.

Be sure to give yourself a break every so often. EVERY parent deserves that- and it's OK.



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