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Kind of a spin off on the surrogate post edit post, DH called his mom, second update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 251 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Do you think they are behaving selfishly?

Options:

yes

No


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Total Votes: 252

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My SIL can't have children, they tried for years and she was told a while back that it wasn't going to happen. Me and DH have 3 children and plan to have more. A few months ago, SIL asked if I would surrogate for her being that I get pregnant very quickly and  have fairly easy pregnancies and VERY healthy babies. She said that, for reasons easier not to go in to, adotpion is not an option and they can't afford to pay a surrogate, the most they could do is pay for the medical bills (co pays since I have insurance) and maternity clothes.

I just don't feel good about it, I don't know that I could handle carrying a baby for 9 months and then handing it over to someone else. So I had to tell her no. Ever since then, she and DH's whole family have been giving me the cold shoulder particularly MIL and SIL. MIL usually gets me and DH a gift together and something for the kids on Christmas, this year, she got DH a game system (I don't play video games) and something for the kids but nothing for me. MIL used to call me if they were having a family get together to see if we can go, since DH is usually at work during the day, now she has started calling DH instead. When we go to gatherings, they hardly even talk to me anymore. Also, my birthday was 2 weeks ago and while usually MIL, FIL and SIL and her DH come over for my party with my family and a few friends, they didn't even call me back to say they weren't coming. I called a week before the party to invite them and the day of the party, MIL texted saying that she, FIL and SIL and her DH were busy.

I really feel like they are being selfish, being a surrogate should be done only if the surrogate is 100% willing to do it. I don't think it's right that they are trying to make me feel badly for my choice. It's not like it's my fault SIL can't have children. I am just sick of them trying to make me feel bad, I have thought about sitting them both down and talking to them but honestly, I think that will do more harm then good

DH called his mom this morning to talk to her after we had a long talk last night. He told her that I don't owe SIL a baby nor is it my fault she can't have one and that they need to get over themselves. He told MIL that he supports my decision 100% and that while if I had wanted too, he would have supported that too, he really didn't like the idea. He thought the same as I did and some of you did, what happens if there are complications and I can't have anymore after that? We want more children. They have the right to be disappointed that  this is one more avenue for SIL that is closed to her but they don't have the right to take that disappointment out on me. He told them that until they are ready to see this we are not going to be coming around. She told him that I am selfish for not giving SIL the one thing she wants, something that I already have and that if he agrees with me then he is selfish too.

As for those who asked why adoption or fostering isn't an option, it's because back when BIL was 19 and a senior in high school, he had sex with his 16 year old girlfriend (which at that time and place was illegal). Well she got pregnant but ended up miscarrying but her parents pressed charges. He never did jail time but he got probation and now has to register as a sexual predator and he can never adopt or foster.

 Oh I forgot, DH also told his  mom that any possibility of me ever changing my mind is gone after the way SIL and MIL have been treating me. Before she started treating me like crap, there was a small voice in the back of my head saying, maybe, possibly one day.

Second update


MIL texted me a few min ago saying that I am selfish and spoiled to not help my SIL. That I should be grateful that I can have children and help her instead of rubbing my fertility in her face (I think that part is because me and DH mentioned we plan on having more children). Also that all SIL wants is a baby and if I was any kind of decent person, I would do this for her and that even if I can never have anymore after that, well I already have 3, SIL doesn't have any. I am so sick of these people, I am trying to calm down before I respond

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:21 PM

At first it did make me feel bad but now it's just pissing me off

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:23 PM

they have a right to feel how they feel same as you. Don't like it stay away from them and if you are so set that you  made the right choice then stand by it..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:25 PM
4 moms liked this


They have the right to FEEL how they want to feel but I don't deserve to be treated like this. I do stand by my choice but I don't appreciate them treating me like this. Honestly, if they don't cut it out, we (me DH and the kids) will probably stop going to his families stuff for a while.

Quoting Anonymous:

they have a right to feel how they feel same as you. Don't like it stay away from them and if you are so set that you  made the right choice then stand by it..



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:26 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:29 PM

DH has also offered to talk to them but I really don't think that will do any good.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:29 PM

DH has also offered to talk to them but I really don't think that will do any good.

mattiehatter
by Mary on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:31 PM
2 moms liked this
If they are going to act like children then they do not need them.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:36 PM

Trust me, that thought has crossed my mind, several times



Quoting mattiehatter:

If they are going to act like children then they do not need them.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:41 PM

poll added

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:43 PM
5 moms liked this
Just because you have had easy pregnancies in the past doesn't mean the next one will be the same. Each pregnancy is unique. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to put yourself at risk. It's your body, your choice. I'm sorry they are treating you so bad.
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