Should a child know her dad's not paying child support?
- 269 Replies
My ex-husband went without paying child support the first two years that I knew my husband, so when he started paying, We had already learned to live without the money, and used it like lottery winnings that were just for my daughter. These extras cost a little more than $3,000 a year, and her dad paid just under $4,000 a year in child support, so it worked out well. However, her dad hasn't made a child support payment since March 2012, so it's been nearly a year without it. And my husband has been saying that we need to stop buying these extras for DD. Since her dad isn't paying child support and it' not like our son gets those kind of extras at all ever. DD knows that my husband makes very good money, and that we do well enough to pretty constantly go on trips and buy nice things. And I've often told her that her dad shared money with me to raise her to be the amazing woman she has the potential to be, and that's why she's able to have these extras every month, and have so many opportunities. If we had added the child support to our household income instead of just using it to spend on DD, we would have saved more towards retirement, put it toward debt repayment, or saved for a new car.
Would it be terrible to say something like that we had to step back and discontinue all her extracurricular activities because her dad's having a hard time like a lot of people in this country, and he just can't share the same money with us that we used to use to pay for all these extras?
My husband thinks we should just tell her she needs to focus on her schoolwork, but she's Honor Roll student, and I don't like telling her something that sounds like she did something wrong.
I know this is my fault, and I got myself in this situation by making it so clear to her that her dad was paying for these extras, but I was so proud of him for making her a priority again, and getting a job, that I wanted to give him credit. It's not like our son has anything like she gets, but he's much younger and doesn't notice yet.
Just to clarify...you are going after your ex-husband for the missing child support, right?
Can you compromise with your husband in the meantime, and just reduce the number of extra-curricular activities your daughter attends? For instance, continue piano lessons but skip gymnastics?
The horseback riding is actually the most expensive one, too. That's really more of a love thing for her than a talent. Her dream would be owning a horse, but we don't have that kind of money at all. I know my husband would pay for something he thought was more "worthy." He tried to get her into the Lego classes where they teach engineering and robotics at a kiddie level and make lego robots. Or the science program they offer at the Museum of Science and History. And he bought her this board game that's supposed to teach children computer programming. She just glared at him and asked him when he had ever seen her play with robots or potions, and how often he'd seen her dance, do gymnastics, or talk about horses.
Quoting Dabrutiful1:
If she was good at 2/3 of them...one or more wld be done. I'd pick up some lil gig to pay for it when funds ran out. I'd do the same for the boy when he got older, knowing how his father feels abt "the arts".
Umm, this is DISGUSTING! I am a step-daughter. I lived with my mom and my step-dad all my life. My biological sperm donor (just what I call the assho) NEVER paid child support.
My step-dad had two kids from his previous marriage, they lived with their mom. My step-dad paid his child support.
My step-dad paid for ALL MY STUFF MY WHOLE LIFE, HE PAID FOR MY INSURANCE, MY WEDDING, HE BOUGHT ME MY FIRST CAR, MY SECOND CAR, AND MY THIRD CAR! HE WAS MY DAD!
I only called him 'step-dad' in this post just to let you know who he was, but in my world he is called dad, always has been, always will be!
Quoting Anonymous:Wow! I'm really surprised by how many of the first votes said my husband should pay for her lessons. I just threw that in there at the end because in my heart of hearts I wish her stepfather had said we'd pay for the lessons from our household account once the child support account is empty. He doesnt see the point of it, though. He thinks there are better things we can spend $3,200 a year on than lessons for one child.
Yes, I filed to hold him in contempt, and he filed for custody. It's been almost a year and our custody case is at a stand still. Our judge says he will rule on child support once he rules on the custodial dispute. My husband also pays all my legal bills, which just in this last year have been almost $10,000.
Quoting illogicalkat:Just to clarify...you are going after your ex-husband for the missing child support, right?
Can you compromise with your husband in the meantime, and just reduce the number of extra-curricular activities your daughter attends? For instance, continue piano lessons but skip gymnastics?
My husband pays for my daughter's insurance, her clothes, the home she lives in, the food she eats. These lessons are not anything he agreed to as a parenting decision. The child support was like extra money, and he didn't want it put into our household account, because he felt strongly that it was money specifically to improve my daughter's life, so that's when she started having so many lessons and activities.
Quoting Coconutty4Hubby:Umm, this is DISGUSTING! I am a step-daughter. I lived with my mom and my step-dad all my life. My biological sperm donor (just what I call the assho) NEVER paid child support.
My step-dad had two kids from his previous marriage, they lived with their mom. My step-dad paid his child support.
My step-dad paid for ALL MY STUFF MY WHOLE LIFE, HE PAID FOR MY INSURANCE, MY WEDDING, HE BOUGHT ME MY FIRST CAR, MY SECOND CAR, AND MY THIRD CAR! HE WAS MY DAD!
I only called him 'step-dad' in this post just to let you know who he was, but in my world he is called dad, always has been, always will be!
Quoting Anonymous:Wow! I'm really surprised by how many of the first votes said my husband should pay for her lessons. I just threw that in there at the end because in my heart of hearts I wish her stepfather had said we'd pay for the lessons from our household account once the child support account is empty. He doesnt see the point of it, though. He thinks there are better things we can spend $3,200 a year on than lessons for one child.
At what age should I tell my son dh is not his bio dad?