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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Please don't visit?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

I saw the other post where the OP posted that she wanted to know how to tell her mom/family that she didn't want anyone in delivery and I figured I would ask you guys a similar question.

My family and my husband's family are from out of town as well. I know that I do not want anyone in delivery with me except dh, however I really would like a week or two to ourselves without people coming.

I DO NOT mean that I don't want them to see the baby, but since they are coming from out of town, they either want to stay with me or with my sister-in-law who lives about 4 houses down. I'm stuck because if they lived in the same area as me they could stop by and see us and baby for a visit and then go home. But since they are from out of town they want to get as much visiting in as they can while they are here. They have already discussed trying to set up a "help" schedule where one person comes for one week and one for the next week and so on for the first 4-5 weeks.... 

I love them all and they are great which makes it harder...is it unreasonable to want the first 1-2 weeks without someone staying or "helping" us.... I mean I want them to see baby, but I have a hard time when people stay with us because I can't get passed the mind set that they are a guest and I'll worry the whole time about if my house is clean.....if they have enough blankets....what should I cook?....etc 

*Besides wanting the time to bond with baby, we also have two small dogs who I want to give time to adjust also with crowding them with a new family member plus guests....*

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
missamanda86
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I would just say 'Please dont take this the wrong way, because I do want you to visit, but let us have a couple of weeks to adjust before coming'

illogicalkat
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:42 PM

Definitely not unreasonable. Just be honest with them. And it's also completely acceptable to say you want no houseguests-they can stay at your sister-in-law's house or at a hotel.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:44 PM

.....it doesn't help that even if I could get past taking care of guests. Our place is a big one bedroom, with a yard. (we are locked into a lease until next year)  So doesn't really leave room for visitors though they all say they will sleep on the floor it's just a bit overwhelming....


Quoting illogicalkat:

Definitely not unreasonable. Just be honest with them. And it's also completely acceptable to say you want no houseguests-they can stay at your sister-in-law's house or at a hotel.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:44 PM
I love this answer


Quoting missamanda86:

I would just say 'Please dont take this the wrong way, because I do want you to visit, but let us have a couple of weeks to adjust before coming'


squeekers
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:48 PM

 before the baby is born let it be known through the family grapevine you are putting a "No Visitation" mandate up for X amount of time. tell everyone often, and you can be kind about it or snarky if need be to make sure everyone gets it. put it out in an email & an your social media sites. inform the world in your family circle. That way if someone forgets and wished to visit, they cant get butt hurt when you or DH say NO!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:51 PM

I'm just concerned about hurting their feelings.... They have the best intentions which makes it harder to voice my opinion without feeling bad or like I am cutting them out of important time. 


Quoting squeekers:

 before the baby is born let it be known through the family grapevine you are putting a "No Visitation" mandate up for X amount of time. tell everyone often, and you can be kind about it or snarky if need be to make sure everyone gets it. put it out in an email & an your social media sites. inform the world in your family circle. That way if someone forgets and wished to visit, they cant get butt hurt when you or DH say NO!



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:08 PM

The question is, how do I say that? They know we have a one bedroom place currently as we are locked into a lease till next year...and they have still talked about coming....I know they would be willing to sleep on an air mattress or the couch...but it just makes things a bit harder for me, especially with two small dogs love people and will be obsessed with new people....


Quoting illogicalkat:

Definitely not unreasonable. Just be honest with them. And it's also completely acceptable to say you want no houseguests-they can stay at your sister-in-law's house or at a hotel.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:08 PM


Quoting missamanda86:

I would just say 'Please dont take this the wrong way, because I do want you to visit, but let us have a couple of weeks to adjust before coming'


illogicalkat
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:17 PM

Be honest and be firm. Say:

"We know you don't mind sleeping on the floor, but we cannot accomodate any overnight visitors. You will have to make other arrangements."

And stay firm. Be a broken record. "Sorry, no, you cannot sleep here," and that is also the only explanation you need to give. When they ask "but why not?" Just answer "Sorry, no, you cannot sleep here." (Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.) Don't bend. It will only be scary the first couple times you say it.


Quoting Anonymous:

The question is, how do I say that? They know we have a one bedroom place currently as we are locked into a lease till next year...and they have still talked about coming....I know they would be willing to sleep on an air mattress or the couch...but it just makes things a bit harder for me, especially with two small dogs love people and will be obsessed with new people....


Quoting illogicalkat:

Definitely not unreasonable. Just be honest with them. And it's also completely acceptable to say you want no houseguests-they can stay at your sister-in-law's house or at a hotel.





spooky415
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:42 AM
tell them that you don't need help the first two weeks because all babies do is sleep, lol. tell them you want the help while the kid is awake.
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