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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

son wrote his dead friends' name...

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:35 PM
  • 17 Replies

my son is in a Special Needs preschool for his Autism. There are also children with Physical Special Needs as well. About 2 months ago, he had a friend named Cole. They were assigned as Classroom Buddies. Which meant they did activities together, ate meals and snacks together, sat together. Cole had been sick for awhile and finally passed away 2 months ago from a Brain Tumor at the age of 3.

It was hard on alot of the parents, as well as the students. He hadn't been in school the last month from being so ill. So they sang some songs and made a DVD so Cole could watch it at the hospital. They made a scrapbook and send drawings. It was a very sad thing.

My son was playing on the whiteboard. I saw that he had written a name. Big deal for him with his Autism. I was excited, saying "Good Job Camden!!! You wrote your friends' name!!!". And then it hit me what he had written. C-O-L-E. Cole. The name of his friend who had passed away.

I have talked to his teacher. They do continue to talk about Cole, and have his picture up. The kids in the class continue to ask about him so they wanted to put it all out in the open and be as honest as possible about everything. How Cole isn't with us anymore. He was born very sick. But we will see him again sometime. And not to worry-they arent sick like Cole was. They don't have to worry about that happening to them. That kind of thing.

With his Autism I'm not sure how much he grasps about the concept of death. I try to ask him about Cole, but he will often respond with answers that have nothing to do with what I am asking. Taking his Special Needs into account, how much should I address this with him? Is he okay? Do you think he is just writing his name from memory with no emotion attached? What should I do? Should I try and really talk with him about it? it's hard to get through to him because of the Autism at times so I don't want to push it. But I don't want to not address something when he needs to get something out to grieve and heal properly. Mommas, what should I do?

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:37 PM

Do you live in NE?

zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:37 PM

I do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you live in NE?


zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:39 PM

are you aware of what happened as well?

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you live in NE?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:41 PM

Yes. I just moved from Lincoln and read the fb page towards the end  ;o(

Quoting zomgkerrie:

are you aware of what happened as well?

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you live in NE?



midjet117
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:41 PM

I wouldn't push it. I'm sure if something upset him, he'd at least try to let you know. I assume since he has autisim, hes probably handeling his friends death with not too much emotion. I'm sure he knows, hes just handeling it differently

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:42 PM


Quoting zomgkerrie:

are you aware of what happened as well?

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you live in NE?


What happened?

zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:43 PM

small world! It was really touching how supportive the School was and still is being for the family and the situation.

do you think I need to address it anymore with my son than the school is doing? or is he okay? I've never had to deal with something like this. Not even the death of a pet :<

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes. I just moved from Lincoln and read the fb page towards the end  ;o(

Quoting zomgkerrie:

are you aware of what happened as well?

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you live in NE?




balagan_imma
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I would ask him if he misses his friend.And then let him know that it is ok to miss someone who is no longer in our lives, especially someone who has died.

Not sure how old your son is, but death is a hard concept in general, especially before the age of 5/6. I used the book The Tenth Good Thing About Barney with my older kids when our cat died, then 6 weeks later when the dog died, too. It is about pet death, but is easily translated to when people die. When their grandfather died 3 years ago (they were 11& 9) and they found the book in the shelves and read it to their little brother who was 4. They all cried together and then hugged each other.

zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:44 PM

that was my way of asking if you were from Lincoln

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting zomgkerrie:

are you aware of what happened as well?

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you live in NE?


What happened?


zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:45 PM

thank you. he is 5. I will look into that book-he loves books and that might translate better for him

Quoting balagan_imma:

I would ask him if he misses his friend.And then let him know that it is ok to miss someone who is no longer in our lives, especially someone who has died.

Not sure how old your son is, but death is a hard concept in general, especially before the age of 5/6. I used the book The Tenth Good Thing About Barney with my older kids when our cat died, then 6 weeks later when the dog died, too. It is about pet death, but is easily translated to when people die. When their grandfather died 3 years ago (they were 11& 9) and they found the book in the shelves and read it to their little brother who was 4. They all cried together and then hugged each other.


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