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Im listening to my iPod at full blast to drown out my child's crying. *etu*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

He's 7, not a baby.  And he problems with sassing back lately.  Just constantly being contrary and sassing back.

Today I told him he needed to get out of the bath.  He sweetly asked for more time, I said 5mins.  He asked for more.  I said ok.

25mins later I said "ok sweets, time to get out"

he replied with "no! I will not! I say when I get out NOT YOU!"

Well then.  I took the plug. Said sternly without yelling "you will get out this instant and get dressed young man." and walked out.

He got out, got dressed. I tucked him in and let him know since he was so ungrateful for the extra 25mins I gave him, I would be taking the time back by not reading him a story.  I reminded him if he escalated so would his consequence.

He is now in his room screaming and crying how he hates me, trying to bait me but not leaving his room. 

So Im listening to music instead of him hoping he falls asleep and feeling frustrated, mean and exhausted.


EDIT:

I want to thank all the moms who gave me such helpful suggestions and advice.  I used a timer tonight and explained the time would not be extended, that when it went off it was done.  When it went off I went in and took the plug and left him to come out on his own (he did in a reasonable time, after doing the butt slide thing lol).

He went to bed without arguments, escalation or battles.  

The timer and no negotiation suggestions were life savers, thanks to the 2 moms that made those suggestions! You guys rock!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Replies (41-50):
LuLuThatsWho
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:11 PM

Today I told him he needed to get out of the bath.  He sweetly asked for more time, I said 5mins.  He asked for more.  I said ok.

25mins later I said "ok sweets, time to get out"

When you give a child negotiating powers, it becomes virtually impossible to be an enforcer.  You can't be a negotiating mother but a "because I said so" enforcer.  Well, I guess you can, but it won't yield consistent results.  You said so the first time he was to get out, but you didn't really mean it then.

Quoting Anonymous:


I didnt let him have his way for 5 minutes at a time for 25 minutes.  I think you misunderstood what you read.


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

You let him have his way 5 min at a time for 25 minutes.  Why on earth did you expect him to cooperate?  It sounds like for quite a long time he did, in fact, get to decide that he would not get out.

I don't blame you for punishing the smart mouth, but I also don't blame him for being totally confused.  Major mixed messages going on there.





jillbailey26
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:12 PM

I will admit I hit the jackpot in the kids department.  Bedtime has always been a breeze.  Then again, they've gone to bed with the same ritual since they were babies.  They know what to expect.  Naturally, as they get older, it varies a little, lol.  I don't still wrap them up like little burritos.  

I've been through some crap with them, they're definitely not perfect.  They fight and argue like siblings do, but I don't do screaming.  Most of the time I have a headache from sinus issues, so screaming and carrying on like that is something that isn't tolerated.

Quoting momtolittleg:


Napoleon Dynamite voice: Lucky

must be nice. Not all children are easy going and easy to calm. Mine is just like me, and loves to argue. 

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting momtolittleg:



Quoting jillbailey26:

If it were my kid, I'd go talk to him.  All that carrying on is a waste of time and energy.  If he has school tomorrow, he's just keeping himself up later and he may be a pain in the morning too.  So, I would discuss what happened, how to make it so it doesn't happen again, kiss him good night, and tell him it's time to settle down now.


My DD can't be reasoned with when she's worked up. For me, going in there would just incite another argument and make things escalate. 

Mine calm down when I tell them to, I refuse to talk to them over a screaming hissy fit.  I don't think they've ever done anything that the OP has described because we don't allow it.





"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:13 PM


well "to the point" is a little bit of an overstatement.  I can hear my neighbours tv as loud as I hear the kid throwing his tantrum.  

With him it's better to ignore it than to try and talk to him.  I'd rather not sit here and listen to the tantrum.

If I go in, he will simply argue and think he has gotten his way because he is getting the attention, negative attention is still attention.  The arguing will go no where.  And arguing with a child is stupid.

If I dont go in, he will realize this tantrum will be ignored and ir's better to not do it, it wont get attention.

Quoting jillbailey26:

I didn't say it wouldn't kill him.  I asked you if it was okay to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

we live in a small place, we are one room apart.  Not hard to hear him.  Letting him cio at 7yrs is not going to kill him.  Not all kids need to be mollycoddled

Quoting jillbailey26:

So screaming to the point that you have to put on headphones is okay to do?

Quoting Anonymous:

from experience with him, the more attention he gets the more he'll push his limits.  If I go in and talk to him he will think he got away with it.


Quoting jillbailey26:

If it were my kid, I'd go talk to him.  All that carrying on is a waste of time and energy.  If he has school tomorrow, he's just keeping himself up later and he may be a pain in the morning too.  So, I would discuss what happened, how to make it so it doesn't happen again, kiss him good night, and tell him it's time to settle down now.











Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:14 PM

something tells me she is good with the head action.  lol

Quoting Anonymous:

She's gonna pull a muscle doing that.

Quoting Anonymous:




loisl25
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:14 PM
Sorry. My did throws those kinds of escalating fits too.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Ah he will be fine. My ds never wants to get out of the bath. But hes 21 months and afraid of the gurgle sound water makes going down the drain, so all i have to do is start letting the water out and hes ready to get out, lol

jillbailey26
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:15 PM

Is he still screaming and crying?

Quoting Anonymous:


well "to the point" is a little bit of an overstatement.  I can hear my neighbours tv as loud as I hear the kid throwing his tantrum.  

With him it's better to ignore it than to try and talk to him.  I'd rather not sit here and listen to the tantrum.

If I go in, he will simply argue and think he has gotten his way because he is getting the attention, negative attention is still attention.  The arguing will go no where.  And arguing with a child is stupid.

If I dont go in, he will realize this tantrum will be ignored and ir's better to not do it, it wont get attention.

Quoting jillbailey26:

I didn't say it wouldn't kill him.  I asked you if it was okay to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

we live in a small place, we are one room apart.  Not hard to hear him.  Letting him cio at 7yrs is not going to kill him.  Not all kids need to be mollycoddled

Quoting jillbailey26:

So screaming to the point that you have to put on headphones is okay to do?

Quoting Anonymous:

from experience with him, the more attention he gets the more he'll push his limits.  If I go in and talk to him he will think he got away with it.


Quoting jillbailey26:

If it were my kid, I'd go talk to him.  All that carrying on is a waste of time and energy.  If he has school tomorrow, he's just keeping himself up later and he may be a pain in the morning too.  So, I would discuss what happened, how to make it so it doesn't happen again, kiss him good night, and tell him it's time to settle down now.













"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

momtolittleg
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this


I hear you. We all get lucky in some ways, hence we have to be careful about how we respond to other people's ideas/methods. My DD has slept through the night in her own bed since she was 6 weeks. Only gets up if she's sick or there's a storm. So I can't understand people whose kids climb in bed with them every night. I try to avoid giving advice in that department. 

Quoting jillbailey26:

I will admit I hit the jackpot in the kids department.  Bedtime has always been a breeze.  Then again, they've gone to bed with the same ritual since they were babies.  They know what to expect.  Naturally, as they get older, it varies a little, lol.  I don't still wrap them up like little burritos.  

I've been through some crap with them, they're definitely not perfect.  They fight and argue like siblings do, but I don't do screaming.  Most of the time I have a headache from sinus issues, so screaming and carrying on like that is something that isn't tolerated.

Quoting momtolittleg:


Napoleon Dynamite voice: Lucky

must be nice. Not all children are easy going and easy to calm. Mine is just like me, and loves to argue. 

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting momtolittleg:



Quoting jillbailey26:

If it were my kid, I'd go talk to him.  All that carrying on is a waste of time and energy.  If he has school tomorrow, he's just keeping himself up later and he may be a pain in the morning too.  So, I would discuss what happened, how to make it so it doesn't happen again, kiss him good night, and tell him it's time to settle down now.


My DD can't be reasoned with when she's worked up. For me, going in there would just incite another argument and make things escalate. 

Mine calm down when I tell them to, I refuse to talk to them over a screaming hissy fit.  I don't think they've ever done anything that the OP has described because we don't allow it.






Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:16 PM


Ah, I didnt think of it that way....  I thought of it more like, I gave you a whole  25mins and youre being ungrateful and mouthy?!

hmmm... WHat would you have done differently?  I kinda liked the timer idea another cmer posted.

Quoting LuLuThatsWho:


Today I told him he needed to get out of the bath.  He sweetly asked for more time, I said 5mins.  He asked for more.  I said ok.

25mins later I said "ok sweets, time to get out"

When you give a child negotiating powers, it becomes virtually impossible to be an enforcer.  You can't be a negotiating mother but a "because I said so" enforcer.  Well, I guess you can, but it won't yield consistent results.  You said so the first time he was to get out, but you didn't really mean it then.

Quoting Anonymous:


I didnt let him have his way for 5 minutes at a time for 25 minutes.  I think you misunderstood what you read.


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

You let him have his way 5 min at a time for 25 minutes.  Why on earth did you expect him to cooperate?  It sounds like for quite a long time he did, in fact, get to decide that he would not get out.

I don't blame you for punishing the smart mouth, but I also don't blame him for being totally confused.  Major mixed messages going on there.







Fields456
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:16 PM
I'm having one if those nights too with my almost 7 year old well st really been since earlier this afternoon she has entered into this really augmentative phase and I'm so sick of it. I told her earlier if he argued with me again she would go to her room and about 30 min ago she did and since it was almost bed time I sent her to bed. She instantly started screaming that she was hungry her tummy hurt and "crying" with no tears on the way to her room she kicked over a chair and then proceeded to scream cry a loud as she could. She is done as hopefully sleeping
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