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(FINAL UPDATE!! - BM was ARRESTED) I Took my Step Daughter to get an Abortion Today (Things got scary last night!)

FINAL UPDATE: Some of you ladies are REALLY DUMB. Did you not learn how to read? Read the post before commenting. We gave our SD the option to abort, adopt, or KEEP THE BABY. We would have supported her either way. We said, if you want to have the baby we will help you. We would have helped her with DAYCARE, BIRTH COSTS, EVERYTHING. SD Made her decision. NOT MY BODY. NOT MY CHOICE. We did not push any option. Just gave her all the facts and let her make her decision. We will ALL be pressing charges against BM. Including her own daughter. SD said to me this morning, "She is not my mother anymore. The ability to carry a baby does not make someone a mother. What makes someone a mother is loving their children, no matter what. She doesn't love me. I was just her meal ticket. I am done with her."

Anyway I am done with this post. Don't care what you think of me, don't care if you don't believe me. I'll let you ladies argue with each other but I need to go support my SD. 


UPDATE (Things got ugly last night!): For those of you who wanted an update. Dear SD is doing very well. Last night was rough due to her BM acting like an immature child. She blew up SD and my phone from 6 pm until midnight (yes we have kept all the texts for court). First she was accusing SD of being a bad person, child, etc. Then after SD texted her back telling her to leave her alone and that she would be moving in with us immediately BM's tone changed. She started pleading with SD to not make rash decisions, that she needs her, loves her, etc. It was pathetic. She is SUCH a manipulative woman. She also blew up my phone with profanities and threats. Then she showed up at our house demanding to see SD, which of course, we did not allow.

Then things got scary a few hours later. After leaving, at 2 am BM shows up at our door drunk off her ass. Screaming that we killed her grand-baby and that she will sue DH, that SD is a horrible daughter and she will burn in hell for this. DH stepped outside to try to calm her down and get her to leave. Of course that didn't work. We ended up calling the cops but she bolted right before they showed up (because DH told her that we called the cops hoping that would get her to stop). Shortly after the cops left she CAME BACK. Threw a rock through our front window and slashed the tires on my Porsche. She left a note attached to my car that read, "Murderer. An Eye for an Eye. Watch your back." We immediately called the cops again but we didn't warn her that they were coming this time and she was arrested. Our lawyer has filed papers to make sure SD is immediately removed from the house and we all have filed restraining orders against her. We will be moving on/forward as a FAMILY without her. SD wants nothing to do with her anymore. 

This is so sad. BM has NEVER been like this! She was always a drama queen and emotionally distant from her daughter (Ever since SD was born - BM had REALLY bad PPD after SD was born but managed to get back on track for a while with therapy and medication) but this... This is just awful. We are all hurting now and praying that BM gets some help. We have another meeting with our attorney this afternoon to discuss if there is anyway we can force BM to get some help as we don't want to have to cut her out of our lives forever if she can get better.


EDIT4: For those of you who want to know Dear SD is resting. Doing very well. Obviously she is tired. BM on the other hand has started blowing up SD's phone with profanities and accusations. I cannot believe how immature this woman is!!! DH will talk to her in a day or two. He needs to cool  down (pissed about what she is doing) and hopes that she will too.


Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Replies (551-560):
masonsmommy107
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Your a good sm! You dsd is soooooo lucky to have you!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:12 PM

all in all we're not the ones that have to live with decision,,,taking the easy way out isn't easy

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:14 PM

it does not have to be about abortion, but for the sake of discussion, would you appreciate you making it clear to your children's step mother about an issue and she disregarded it? How would you feel?


Quoting areid1023:

well im finding it damn near impossible to answer that not being in those shoes on pretty much every level. 

in addition, i find it difficult to answer because i dont see how that question applies to this post. the stepmom made no decision for her stepdaughter. she supported her stepdaughter's choice. she's 17, not 7. 


Quoting Anonymous:

would you appreciate it if your children's step mother made a major decision  regarding your child if you were opposed?


Quoting areid1023:


it doesnt matter what state shes in. she can legally acquire an abortion at age 17. a parent or guardian is not required, so the stepmom was simply acting as a support system. a parent or guardian was not any more allowed to make that call (and i think it would be unethical for them to be able to), so i really dont see the problem. im sure it was nice not having to go around begging friends for financial help but its a simple reality that women that have chosen abortion for themselves will do what they have to in order to acquire one. 

Quoting Anonymous:

does she tell you what state she is in? no matter, this is an ethical question, she is neither the mother nor guardian of this child and she over-stepped.


Quoting softkitty42:

why are you yelling can you accomplish to get your point across without emphasizing with capital letters?

obviously she isnt in your state derpa derrr



Quoting Anonymous:

NOT IN MY STATE

Unemancipated minors under the age of 18 seeking an abortion must be accompanied by a parent or guardian who shall show proper identification and state that he or she is the lawful parent or guardian of the minor, if notice has not otherwise been provided to the parent or guardian.

The step parent is NOT the legal guardian!


Quoting softkitty42:

the girl is 17 

she could get the abortion either way. 



Quoting Anonymous:

one thing- SHE IS NOT THE PARENT!


Quoting kirahush:

At 16 years old, she is fully allowed to make her own choices when it comes to things like this, and LEGALLY, the doctor's are not allowed to tell her parents anything if she chooses to keep it a secret.

I commend you for doing what you thought needed to be done. Being a parent is loving your children NO MATTER WHAT...and you are doing just that! Way to go!

PS- I am pro-choice, though I would never choose to abort a child.



















Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 

The heart would already be beating so yes it was murder. However, in this country it is deemed ok to kill innocent unborn children so of course some people would say it isn't murder. I wish people cared as much about the unborn children as they do about the less important things of this World.

Quoting Tal0n:

Good thing there was no murder done, now isn't it.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm glad she is resting but I wish she would have chosen adoption. Murdering an innocent baby is not worth anything in this World. There is always someone that can't have a baby just waiting to take in a baby they can Love and raise.

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:15 PM

um, ok.....lol


Quoting softkitty42:

sorry i stopped caring about your side of the argument because you dong even know anything real about the situation, i started playing COD also

\17 year olds can make decisions, her mother helped her. 

as a mother at 17 i can tell you 17 year olds can make decision based on what they want to do, doesnt matter what mom,dad, and step moms want. 

goodbye


Quoting Anonymous:

thats right she could have, but she didn't. daddy is teaching her to leech and not live up to your responsibilities.


Quoting softkitty42:

oh please

it doesnt matter what anyone wanted anyways

the daughter WANTED the abortion, she could have said fuck you to both of them and just went and had it done. 

ffs woman. 



Quoting Anonymous:

I contend that the father was a coward and let sm take the fall!


Quoting softkitty42:

hmmm

didnt seem like mother dear was going to change her mind, and dad supported the decision. 

the girl made a decision based on what she wanted to do

HER PARENTS didnt agree, the daughter chose what was best. 


Quoting Anonymous:

It would have been better if HER PARENTS helped her to make the decision without interference.


Quoting softkitty42:

so it would have been better if she had gone by herself and not told anyone then? 


Quoting Anonymous:

Well we know that didn't happen, but what did happen was this woman took it upon herself to make a decision that was clearly between the child and her parents.  Even the father did not go to the appointment! Despicable!


Quoting areid1023:

every single state has an exception for a judicial bypass. if the girl went before a judge and told him/her what her mom had said and done i guarantee it would've been signed off that day. they are easy to acquire (barring activist judges) and, like i said, are available in all 50 states. 

so a parent/guardian is not necessary, even in your state. 


Quoting Anonymous:

NOT IN MY STATE

Unemancipated minors under the age of 18 seeking an abortion must be accompanied by a parent or guardian who shall show proper identification and state that he or she is the lawful parent or guardian of the minor, if notice has not otherwise been provided to the parent or guardian.

The step parent is NOT the legal guardian!


Quoting softkitty42:

the girl is 17 

she could get the abortion either way. 



Quoting Anonymous:

one thing- SHE IS NOT THE PARENT!


Quoting kirahush:

At 16 years old, she is fully allowed to make her own choices when it comes to things like this, and LEGALLY, the doctor's are not allowed to tell her parents anything if she chooses to keep it a secret.

I commend you for doing what you thought needed to be done. Being a parent is loving your children NO MATTER WHAT...and you are doing just that! Way to go!

PS- I am pro-choice, though I would never choose to abort a child.



























weezer_cookie
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree.

Quoting Sekirei:

No bashing.. i am just glad that she has support from someone who cares about her.  :3

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Why the eye roll? What's wrong with me asking if she had more information on it than few pamphlets?

Quoting Tal0n:

*eye roll*



Quoting Anonymous:

Ok, you said your dh gave her  pamphlets?? A decision like that needs more than just pamphlets, did she get a sonogram done and  actually look at it? Did she research the development of the baby at 8 weeks? Also you said 'barely pregnant' , so this is what it looks like being "barely pregnant'? 


  • The embryo is measures about 18 mm (3/4 inch) in length.
  • Their arms and legs are growing and location of the elbows and toes are visible..
  • The feet and hand buds have appeared.
  • Starts to practice moving (not felt by mom till week 20)
  • The stomach is being made from part of the gut.
  • The face is beginning to take shape.
  • Your baby's mouth and nostrils are starting to develop.
  • Teeth begin to develop under the gums.
  • The eyes can now be seen as small hollows on each side of the head



    Anonymous
    by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:18 PM
    This is something I wont understand until I go through it I guess. I wish her well and hope she knows what she just did. It saddens me, but I guess its better than have her hide it and kill the baby later.
    areid1023
    by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:18 PM
    1 mom liked this


    its not traumatic for everyone.

    and so what? didnt care to attend? are we making the assumption that there should be some sort of open invitation for such an event? if he didnt go and she wanted him to, i would certainly think that tragic, but also his choice. however more likely than not she probably didnt want or need him sitting in the car or at the clinic. alllllssssssssssssso, as a SAHD to their little one, i dont find it at all odd that he didnt want to go sit in a waiting room for his older daughter's dr appt, especially when he knew his wife was with her. 

    the mother clearly wanted no part in said abortion, or at least thats the impression the OP's SD got, so why would she be included in it? it sounds like she excluded herself, one of the risks you run when you put your foot down on other people's decisions. 

    so you'd be cool with all this if her friends loaned her or gave her the money instead of the stepparent? 

    Quoting Anonymous:

    OP pays for dh's child support, dh is a sahm who knew the trauma is daughter was about to endure and didn't care to attend...(even if he sat in the freakin parking lot)  OP pays for sd abortion mother is excluded...something is very wrong with this picture....


    Quoting areid1023:


    it was actually 100 percent between the 17 year old and her doctor (and if she happened to be in a restrictive guardian law state, her lawyer and the judge). so off the bat i disagree with you there. 

    secondly, how do we know that didnt happen? that she didnt get a bypass? getting a bypass doesnt mean you still dont need/want someone to drive you and maybe hold your hand in regards to the actual procedure. so unless i missed something that is a possibility. i would say more likely than not that she just happens to live in one of the many many states that allows 17 year olds to acquire abortions on their own accord. 

    i think it would obviously be ideal that she had a support system in her biological mother and father and that she felt she could tell them but thats apparently not the case. not to mention even if she feels like she can it doesnt mean she should be required to. its a personal ordeal and she can tell or not tell who she wants for whatever reason. 

    i have to say, and i am by no means saying this is the way it should be, but at 17 there was no way i was taking my dad to any dr appt related to or involving my vagina. asking him to transfer more money into my account for my yearly gyno visit when i was in college was about all the awkward i cared to have.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Well we know that didn't happen, but what did happen was this woman took it upon herself to make a decision that was clearly between the child and her parents.  Even the father did not go to the appointment! Despicable!


    Quoting areid1023:

    every single state has an exception for a judicial bypass. if the girl went before a judge and told him/her what her mom had said and done i guarantee it would've been signed off that day. they are easy to acquire (barring activist judges) and, like i said, are available in all 50 states. 

    so a parent/guardian is not necessary, even in your state. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    NOT IN MY STATE

    Unemancipated minors under the age of 18 seeking an abortion must be accompanied by a parent or guardian who shall show proper identification and state that he or she is the lawful parent or guardian of the minor, if notice has not otherwise been provided to the parent or guardian.

    The step parent is NOT the legal guardian!


    Quoting softkitty42:

    the girl is 17 

    she could get the abortion either way. 



    Quoting Anonymous:

    one thing- SHE IS NOT THE PARENT!


    Quoting kirahush:

    At 16 years old, she is fully allowed to make her own choices when it comes to things like this, and LEGALLY, the doctor's are not allowed to tell her parents anything if she chooses to keep it a secret.

    I commend you for doing what you thought needed to be done. Being a parent is loving your children NO MATTER WHAT...and you are doing just that! Way to go!

    PS- I am pro-choice, though I would never choose to abort a child.

















     my little bug! 11-29-08

    Tal0n
    by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:18 PM
    2 moms liked this

    An embryo is not a baby and abortion is not murder.  Just like an egg isn't a fried chicken dinner and the sprouted eye of a potato is not mashed potatoes.  A bowl full of cake batter is not a cake and cookie dough is not cookies.

    They all need something to be completed.  You cannot murder something that is not a person and an embryo, while YES ALIVE is NOT a person.  The sprouted eye of a potato is also alive.  Still not mashed potatoes.

    I wish people cared as much about the BORN children already here than the faint possibilities of pregnancies which may or may not go to term for whatever reason.


    Quoting Anonymous:


    The heart would already be beating so yes it was murder. However, in this country it is deemed ok to kill innocent unborn children so of course some people would say it isn't murder. I wish people cared as much about the unborn children as they do about the less important things of this World.

    Quoting Tal0n:

    Good thing there was no murder done, now isn't it.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    I'm glad she is resting but I wish she would have chosen adoption. Murdering an innocent baby is not worth anything in this World. There is always someone that can't have a baby just waiting to take in a baby they can Love and raise.







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