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(FINAL UPDATE!! - BM was ARRESTED) I Took my Step Daughter to get an Abortion Today (Things got scary last night!)

FINAL UPDATE: Some of you ladies are REALLY DUMB. Did you not learn how to read? Read the post before commenting. We gave our SD the option to abort, adopt, or KEEP THE BABY. We would have supported her either way. We said, if you want to have the baby we will help you. We would have helped her with DAYCARE, BIRTH COSTS, EVERYTHING. SD Made her decision. NOT MY BODY. NOT MY CHOICE. We did not push any option. Just gave her all the facts and let her make her decision. We will ALL be pressing charges against BM. Including her own daughter. SD said to me this morning, "She is not my mother anymore. The ability to carry a baby does not make someone a mother. What makes someone a mother is loving their children, no matter what. She doesn't love me. I was just her meal ticket. I am done with her."

Anyway I am done with this post. Don't care what you think of me, don't care if you don't believe me. I'll let you ladies argue with each other but I need to go support my SD. 


UPDATE (Things got ugly last night!): For those of you who wanted an update. Dear SD is doing very well. Last night was rough due to her BM acting like an immature child. She blew up SD and my phone from 6 pm until midnight (yes we have kept all the texts for court). First she was accusing SD of being a bad person, child, etc. Then after SD texted her back telling her to leave her alone and that she would be moving in with us immediately BM's tone changed. She started pleading with SD to not make rash decisions, that she needs her, loves her, etc. It was pathetic. She is SUCH a manipulative woman. She also blew up my phone with profanities and threats. Then she showed up at our house demanding to see SD, which of course, we did not allow.

Then things got scary a few hours later. After leaving, at 2 am BM shows up at our door drunk off her ass. Screaming that we killed her grand-baby and that she will sue DH, that SD is a horrible daughter and she will burn in hell for this. DH stepped outside to try to calm her down and get her to leave. Of course that didn't work. We ended up calling the cops but she bolted right before they showed up (because DH told her that we called the cops hoping that would get her to stop). Shortly after the cops left she CAME BACK. Threw a rock through our front window and slashed the tires on my Porsche. She left a note attached to my car that read, "Murderer. An Eye for an Eye. Watch your back." We immediately called the cops again but we didn't warn her that they were coming this time and she was arrested. Our lawyer has filed papers to make sure SD is immediately removed from the house and we all have filed restraining orders against her. We will be moving on/forward as a FAMILY without her. SD wants nothing to do with her anymore. 

This is so sad. BM has NEVER been like this! She was always a drama queen and emotionally distant from her daughter (Ever since SD was born - BM had REALLY bad PPD after SD was born but managed to get back on track for a while with therapy and medication) but this... This is just awful. We are all hurting now and praying that BM gets some help. We have another meeting with our attorney this afternoon to discuss if there is anyway we can force BM to get some help as we don't want to have to cut her out of our lives forever if she can get better.


EDIT4: For those of you who want to know Dear SD is resting. Doing very well. Obviously she is tired. BM on the other hand has started blowing up SD's phone with profanities and accusations. I cannot believe how immature this woman is!!! DH will talk to her in a day or two. He needs to cool  down (pissed about what she is doing) and hopes that she will too.


Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Replies (331-340):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:24 PM
If this is true then good. I do not think any parent should have the right to deny their pregnant teen abortion services. It does not "teach" any lessons.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:24 PM
Murder is both a legal and biblical term, actually. The ending of a human life is still murder according to most religions. Many citizens of our country follow religions. I refuse to argue a fallible, human, "legal" definition of murder because I believe God is greater than man. Yes, I said "I believe". Not apologizing for that either!


Quoting zianneaaliyah:

You do know murder is a legal term?  Not a biblical one? Yes you contradicted yourself by saying it's not about your morals, yet went on in the next sentence and stated, "I believe", yes those are your morals. You do know not everyone believes in a god for you to impose your belief that they can't decide when a child is considered a child?

Quoting Anonymous:

That is not a contradiction. Just because I don't believe in murder doesn't mean anything other than me not being willing to apologize to murderers. God also gave 10 commandments, one of which is "THOU SHALT NOT KILL". You are not omniscient, nor are you omnipotent like God, therefore you are not able to constitute when that child is considered a child. 



Quoting zianneaaliyah:

You just contradicted yourself, LMAO!  Why don't I have a say? Last time I checked, God gave us free will? Are you saying God is a hypocrite?

Quoting Anonymous:

Who died and made you omniscient? Are you God? Then you have no say so in this matter. God created that life, and it's not up to humans to take it. This isn't about my morals. I don't believe in killing babies and I won't apologize for that.



Quoting zianneaaliyah:

It's punishable, but not forever. Since it's not murder, I guess using legal terms to define your morals isn't necessary to try to dictate to anyone else. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Well if the 17 year old was "adult" enough to spread her legs with only a condom as a birth control method, then she should be adult enough to suffer the repercussions of carrying a child. Pregnancy is a nine month long ordeal. Murder is forever. Over and out..............



Quoting AnnieMcD:

A pregnant woman being forced to carry a child she does not want is an incubator. Not only that, but an incubator with feelings that is being physically, hormonally, emotionally and psychologically tortured every day for months on end.



Quoting kmugs:


Even if you are pro-choice, reducing a pregnant women and the act of carrying a baby down to an incubator is pretty offensive.  



Quoting Momniscient:


No one is obligated to be an incubator

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.



















Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:25 PM

She is doing well. Just resting. We just spoke about a half hour ago and she is more confident then ever that she made the right decision. I will be staying home with her for the next couple of days while she rests. She asked me to. I want to support her as much as I can. BM of course has started blowing up her phone with profanities. I cannot believe how immature and inconsiderate that woman is!

Quoting kmugs:


This.

How is she doing?  

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

You were completely out of line.  Her father, on the other hand should have handled the situation with her mother.  Him `appointing' you as the determining party was a cop out on his part.  I'm certainly NOT against her having the abortion, however, step-parents `step' in and out and this is in one instance that you overstepped.




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:25 PM


i see i gave you links and you ignored them should i provide you with them again?

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I understand that legislation can be proposed but when it becomes a "law", this does not mean that the "majority" of the population agreed. It means a law was proposed and then approved. That is ALL it means. Like I said before, pot is now "legal" in CO but this does not mean the majority of our population agrees with the law.


Quoting AnnieMcD:

Perhaps "many" ... but not "the majority" or else it would not have been made legal.

Do you understand how laws work?




Quoting Anonymous:

That's an invalid conclusion. Have you been walking around doorstep to doorstep, taking note of how people feel on the matter? LOL Many things are considered LEGAL that are considered hated by our country (many people hate that pot is now legal in CO for instance).




Quoting AnnieMcD:

Those people are stupid. Pregnancy is 40 weeks, and any MOTHER should know that.


And still, I don't need stats, abortion is legal. If the majority of the country considered it murder, it wouldn't be.






Quoting Anonymous:

The majority of the country? REALLY? Got any stats on that?  People also commonly refer to pregnancy being nine months because most obstetricians don't count from the date of conception, Asshat. LOL! 






Quoting AnnieMcD:

You carry a child from the 0 week to the 40 week. Beginning of the first to the end of the 9th. That's 40 weeks. 4 weeks in a month. 10 months.



It's terrifying that you're a mother.



I don't need stats. Abortion is still legal. Therefore the majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Only zealots.








Quoting Anonymous:

The "majority of the country" doesn't view abortion as murder? Really, do you want to back that up with some stats please? I wasn't aware of that at all. You carry a child for 9 months, not 10, then you do the responsible thing by giving someone else a chance at life. There are also such things as open adoptions which are becoming more and more of an option these days so it's obvious that she could even go back and be a part of the child's life later if she wanted to.






Quoting AnnieMcD:

That's your opinion. The majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Carrying a child for 10 months, and then having him or her and giving him to someone else to raise? That's forever. That's walking around the world looking at every child and wondering if it's yours. That's watching the news and wondering if that baby that got put in a microwave, or that poor little girl who was beaten to death, or one of the kids at Sandy Hook were yours. THAT is forever.














Quoting Anonymous:

Well if the 17 year old was "adult" enough to spread her legs with only a condom as a birth control method, then she should be adult enough to suffer the repercussions of carrying a child. Pregnancy is a nine month long ordeal. Murder is forever. Over and out..............







Quoting AnnieMcD:

A pregnant woman being forced to carry a child she does not want is an incubator. Not only that, but an incubator with feelings that is being physically, hormonally, emotionally and psychologically tortured every day for months on end.











Quoting kmugs:


Even if you are pro-choice, reducing a pregnant women and the act of carrying a baby down to an incubator is pretty offensive.  







Quoting Momniscient:


No one is obligated to be an incubator

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.



































Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM

it was not your place.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM
Good job. You just helped murder a baby


Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.


AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:27 PM
Oh look a pro life website!!! Yeah. There are more women who die from childbirth than abortions.



All those complications come with child birth as well as ANY medical procedure. Please spare me your anti choice pro life propaganda.


Quoting Anonymous:

 



Physical complications include cervical lacerations and injury, uterine perforations, bleeding, hemorrhage, serious infection, pain, and incomplete abortion.[3] Risks of complications increase with gestational age and are dependent upon the abortion procedure.[4]



Long-term physical consequences of abortion include future preterm birth and placenta previa (improper implantation of the placenta) in future pregnancies.[5] Premature delivery is associated with higher rates of cerebral palsy, as well as respiratory, brain, and bowel abnormalities. One recent large-scale evaluation published in Pediatrics, has concluded that preterm birth is the most frequent cause of infant death in the U.S.[6] Pregnancies complicated by placenta previa result in high rates of preterm birth, low birth weight, perinatal death, and maternal morbidity.[7]



While the question of whether abortion can increase the risk of breast cancer is hotly debated, a number of scientific studies have indicated that induced abortion can adversely affect a woman's future risk of breast cancer. Further, it has been clearly shown that induced abortion in young women causes the loss of a protective effect from a first, full-term pregnancy which when followed by a delay in child bearing, has the net effect of an increased risk for breast cancer.[8]



Physical complications from chemical abortion with the drug RU-486 include hemorrhage, infection, and missed ectopic pregnancy (a potentially fatal complication). Since 2000, at least 8 women have died from RU-486 due to hemorrhage and infection.[9]



Quoting AVSpecWife4:

No it's a myth. Which has been proven to be a myth. My sister has had three abortions. No issues. I've known others who've had abortions. Shoot I work on the maternity ward where I see many healthy moms give birth to healthy term babies.

And no. I haven't had any issues. Conceived and carried two healthy pregnancies and delivered past 40 weeks for both.




Quoting Anonymous:



it's not a Myth its very true...you may not have had problems but you will in the future..I also had one and I've had problems since...I had to have a partial hysterectomy and It was caused by the abortion I had when I was 18



Quoting AVSpecWife4:

Lol. That is a MYTH. Women becoming sterile from abortions. I've had two and had no problems conceiving and carrying two pregnancies later on.





Quoting JLS2388:



Well I hope if she can't have children when she wants too (which is pretty common with women who get abortions) she remembers who made it possible for her to get an abortion and who tried to save the life of her baby. And BTW pregnant is pregnant, you can't be barely pregnant.






 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MeAndTommyLee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this

You should not have any say in the matter whatsoever, nor should you have taken her.  You paid to `fix' her trouble.  Brilliant move.  Again, not against abortion, but she exercised zero responsibility for herself.  And what type of 17 year old girl  does not have a job? 


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't get appointed for anything. DH spoke with BM and they didn't agree. I did take SD to get it done because she asked me to. Wanting to support her I did as she asked.

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

You were completely out of line.  Her father, on the other hand should have handled the situation with her mother.  Him `appointing' you as the determining party was a cop out on his part.  I'm certainly NOT against her having the abortion, however, step-parents `step' in and out and this is in one instance that you overstepped.

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:28 PM

How funny you forgot to post the WHOLE situation! That's quite a bit of important information you left off right there. It's a different situation when a girl get's pregnant being completley irresponsible and stupid, it's another thing when it was a genuine mistake and precautions WERE taken. I do find it mighty suspicious that you say not only the condom failed, but the morning after pill failed also. What bad luck she ran into. I guess that goes to show you just shouldn't have sex unless you are prepared for the consequences! I dislike abortion, but I understand why a young lady in a situation like this would do such a thing - especially if precautions were actually taken.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:28 PM

key word is YOUR mom, not SM!


Quoting Anonymous:

My mom and I agreed I'd not tell my dad when I had an abortion many many years ago.
I appreciated my mom's support during that time. I'm sure your SD feels the same towards you.



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