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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

(FINAL UPDATE!! - BM was ARRESTED) I Took my Step Daughter to get an Abortion Today (Things got scary last night!)

FINAL UPDATE: Some of you ladies are REALLY DUMB. Did you not learn how to read? Read the post before commenting. We gave our SD the option to abort, adopt, or KEEP THE BABY. We would have supported her either way. We said, if you want to have the baby we will help you. We would have helped her with DAYCARE, BIRTH COSTS, EVERYTHING. SD Made her decision. NOT MY BODY. NOT MY CHOICE. We did not push any option. Just gave her all the facts and let her make her decision. We will ALL be pressing charges against BM. Including her own daughter. SD said to me this morning, "She is not my mother anymore. The ability to carry a baby does not make someone a mother. What makes someone a mother is loving their children, no matter what. She doesn't love me. I was just her meal ticket. I am done with her."

Anyway I am done with this post. Don't care what you think of me, don't care if you don't believe me. I'll let you ladies argue with each other but I need to go support my SD. 


UPDATE (Things got ugly last night!): For those of you who wanted an update. Dear SD is doing very well. Last night was rough due to her BM acting like an immature child. She blew up SD and my phone from 6 pm until midnight (yes we have kept all the texts for court). First she was accusing SD of being a bad person, child, etc. Then after SD texted her back telling her to leave her alone and that she would be moving in with us immediately BM's tone changed. She started pleading with SD to not make rash decisions, that she needs her, loves her, etc. It was pathetic. She is SUCH a manipulative woman. She also blew up my phone with profanities and threats. Then she showed up at our house demanding to see SD, which of course, we did not allow.

Then things got scary a few hours later. After leaving, at 2 am BM shows up at our door drunk off her ass. Screaming that we killed her grand-baby and that she will sue DH, that SD is a horrible daughter and she will burn in hell for this. DH stepped outside to try to calm her down and get her to leave. Of course that didn't work. We ended up calling the cops but she bolted right before they showed up (because DH told her that we called the cops hoping that would get her to stop). Shortly after the cops left she CAME BACK. Threw a rock through our front window and slashed the tires on my Porsche. She left a note attached to my car that read, "Murderer. An Eye for an Eye. Watch your back." We immediately called the cops again but we didn't warn her that they were coming this time and she was arrested. Our lawyer has filed papers to make sure SD is immediately removed from the house and we all have filed restraining orders against her. We will be moving on/forward as a FAMILY without her. SD wants nothing to do with her anymore. 

This is so sad. BM has NEVER been like this! She was always a drama queen and emotionally distant from her daughter (Ever since SD was born - BM had REALLY bad PPD after SD was born but managed to get back on track for a while with therapy and medication) but this... This is just awful. We are all hurting now and praying that BM gets some help. We have another meeting with our attorney this afternoon to discuss if there is anyway we can force BM to get some help as we don't want to have to cut her out of our lives forever if she can get better.


EDIT4: For those of you who want to know Dear SD is resting. Doing very well. Obviously she is tired. BM on the other hand has started blowing up SD's phone with profanities and accusations. I cannot believe how immature this woman is!!! DH will talk to her in a day or two. He needs to cool  down (pissed about what she is doing) and hopes that she will too.


Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Replies (361-370):
kmugs
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:36 PM


Maybe you can field calls for SD for a little bit?

While I still think it would have been ideal if BM and BD could have handled it (along with the 17 yr old, and BF,  of course) some of that is not really relevant at this moment.

Your SD does not need someone being verbally agressive with her on the phone, especially now.  


Quoting Anonymous:

She is doing well. Just resting. We just spoke about a half hour ago and she is more confident then ever that she made the right decision. I will be staying home with her for the next couple of days while she rests. She asked me to. I want to support her as much as I can. BM of course has started blowing up her phone with profanities. I cannot believe how immature and inconsiderate that woman is!

Quoting kmugs:


This.

How is she doing?  

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

You were completely out of line.  Her father, on the other hand should have handled the situation with her mother.  Him `appointing' you as the determining party was a cop out on his part.  I'm certainly NOT against her having the abortion, however, step-parents `step' in and out and this is in one instance that you overstepped.






Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:37 PM
Love all these "well she did the deed" posts blaming the girl. Haven't seen many people mention the othet half of the equation at all. I'm willing to be she didn't impregnate herself...
MarriedYoung
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:37 PM

glad you were there for her. i must agree you should have gotten her on bc while still supplying condoms but you did nothing wrong, it just would have been a good extra measure. i hope she does not regret this later but it seems like it was the right choice for her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:37 PM
1 mom liked this
This!! That's not your real Daughter and she is only 17!


Quoting Anonymous:

You were way out of line.

You should have butted out and let her parents take care of it together.

Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Sure.

It doesn't change the fact that no one is obligated to carry a child because some people cannot.

Quoting mehaffiesub:

Then I guess we will just agree to disagree.


Quoting Momniscient:

I'm sorry you went through so much trouble.

But it isn't up to you to hate or not hate others choices. Her choice to keep a child or adopt it out wouldn't have made anything easier for you. Unfortunately it isn't so cut and dried as to 'passing a young life to someone else.' Too many kids languish and suffer in the foster care/adoptive system to make blanket statements that women 'should' make that choice. I'm sorry. 

Quoting mehaffiesub:

You know maybe you should think before you write.

Ill admit I miss wrote I meant to write that I dont hate her I just hate what she did.

It took me forever to get pregnant with my dd and that was after doctors told me that I may never even have kids. Thats why when I look at my dd I question how anyone can terminate their pregnancy instead of passing that young life onto someone who may want it.

Im sorry I said I hate the OP I dont hate her I just hate her and her SDs choice.





Quoting Momniscient:

Wow. That's a lot of hate.

No one is obligated to be an incubator. You should seek therapy. Hate is poison.

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.








Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:39 PM
I think this whole post is bs. First of all, who goes through MEDICAL school and becomes a doctor and then decides to stay home? I know some people do that, but not doctors who have gone through years of schooling and thousands of dollars for it. Bs. Also, you put "Stanford" instead of just saying she's going to college soon. That detail is over the top. Then $3,000 a month in cs when it isn't even court ordered? Yeah..suuuuure.
Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:39 PM

That's not for you to say.

Quoting Anonymous:

I went with my friend when we were 19 to drive her to a clinic. I still feel guilty and my friend and I no longer speak. She is an alcoholic and her bf who coerced her into getting it are no longer friends. He still does drugs. I have begged for forgiveness and the Lord is gracious to those who do. I pray your stepdaughter gets help. It isn't like going to the salon. I think it's awful what you did and you know it is too or you wouldn't be spending all of his time telling us about it trying to vindicate yor actions. Watch a video on abortion. The baby squirms away from the needle. You need to be asking the Lord for forgiveness. Only he can take that away. PTSD is not just for soldiers



MeAndTommyLee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:39 PM

Dare I forget that this generation of teenagers is the entitled one.  Besides you can't have it both ways.  Childhood includes sex now?  No wonder she used no precautions -- or in here ultra rare case everything failed.  She obviously had enough time to have sex in between her overwhelming schedule filled with education and athletics. 


Quoting AnnieMcD:

The type whose parents think that going to school and participating in sports is a good way to end your childhood? What a sad world you live in where it's utterly unheard of for a 17 year old full time student to not have a job on top of her schooling and other activities...

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

You should not have any say in the matter whatsoever, nor should you have taken her.  You paid to `fix' her trouble.  Brilliant move.  Again, not against abortion, but she exercised zero responsibility for herself.  And what type of 17 year old girl  does not have a job? 


 


Quoting Anonymous:


I didn't get appointed for anything. DH spoke with BM and they didn't agree. I did take SD to get it done because she asked me to. Wanting to support her I did as she asked.


Quoting MeAndTommyLee:


You were completely out of line.  Her father, on the other hand should have handled the situation with her mother.  Him `appointing' you as the determining party was a cop out on his part.  I'm certainly NOT against her having the abortion, however, step-parents `step' in and out and this is in one instance that you overstepped.


 


 


 


 

Soon2bMami.
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:39 PM
I like you! You stood up for her and thought about her future with her and her father. I think you & dh did the right thing :)
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:40 PM
I think its because he didn't have the abortion lol. He couldn't if he wanted to. Dur.


Quoting Anonymous:

Love all these "well she did the deed" posts blaming the girl. Haven't seen many people mention the othet half of the equation at all. I'm willing to be she didn't impregnate herself...

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