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(FINAL UPDATE!! - BM was ARRESTED) I Took my Step Daughter to get an Abortion Today (Things got scary last night!)

FINAL UPDATE: Some of you ladies are REALLY DUMB. Did you not learn how to read? Read the post before commenting. We gave our SD the option to abort, adopt, or KEEP THE BABY. We would have supported her either way. We said, if you want to have the baby we will help you. We would have helped her with DAYCARE, BIRTH COSTS, EVERYTHING. SD Made her decision. NOT MY BODY. NOT MY CHOICE. We did not push any option. Just gave her all the facts and let her make her decision. We will ALL be pressing charges against BM. Including her own daughter. SD said to me this morning, "She is not my mother anymore. The ability to carry a baby does not make someone a mother. What makes someone a mother is loving their children, no matter what. She doesn't love me. I was just her meal ticket. I am done with her."

Anyway I am done with this post. Don't care what you think of me, don't care if you don't believe me. I'll let you ladies argue with each other but I need to go support my SD. 


UPDATE (Things got ugly last night!): For those of you who wanted an update. Dear SD is doing very well. Last night was rough due to her BM acting like an immature child. She blew up SD and my phone from 6 pm until midnight (yes we have kept all the texts for court). First she was accusing SD of being a bad person, child, etc. Then after SD texted her back telling her to leave her alone and that she would be moving in with us immediately BM's tone changed. She started pleading with SD to not make rash decisions, that she needs her, loves her, etc. It was pathetic. She is SUCH a manipulative woman. She also blew up my phone with profanities and threats. Then she showed up at our house demanding to see SD, which of course, we did not allow.

Then things got scary a few hours later. After leaving, at 2 am BM shows up at our door drunk off her ass. Screaming that we killed her grand-baby and that she will sue DH, that SD is a horrible daughter and she will burn in hell for this. DH stepped outside to try to calm her down and get her to leave. Of course that didn't work. We ended up calling the cops but she bolted right before they showed up (because DH told her that we called the cops hoping that would get her to stop). Shortly after the cops left she CAME BACK. Threw a rock through our front window and slashed the tires on my Porsche. She left a note attached to my car that read, "Murderer. An Eye for an Eye. Watch your back." We immediately called the cops again but we didn't warn her that they were coming this time and she was arrested. Our lawyer has filed papers to make sure SD is immediately removed from the house and we all have filed restraining orders against her. We will be moving on/forward as a FAMILY without her. SD wants nothing to do with her anymore. 

This is so sad. BM has NEVER been like this! She was always a drama queen and emotionally distant from her daughter (Ever since SD was born - BM had REALLY bad PPD after SD was born but managed to get back on track for a while with therapy and medication) but this... This is just awful. We are all hurting now and praying that BM gets some help. We have another meeting with our attorney this afternoon to discuss if there is anyway we can force BM to get some help as we don't want to have to cut her out of our lives forever if she can get better.


EDIT4: For those of you who want to know Dear SD is resting. Doing very well. Obviously she is tired. BM on the other hand has started blowing up SD's phone with profanities and accusations. I cannot believe how immature this woman is!!! DH will talk to her in a day or two. He needs to cool  down (pissed about what she is doing) and hopes that she will too.


Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Replies (371-380):
LADYxGHOST
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:40 PM

I would also look into after care for woman who have had abortions, it is a loss and a grieving process that many are not sensative to. Some clinics offer support groups and individual therapy.  I amnot saying the choice was right or wrong, it is done, and since it is clear the bm isn't supportive it isup to you to help her get the help she will need.  many woman do not realize the grief and shame until after they have their first child or can not get pregnat later on and it all comes flooding back and can really destroy the life they built.  Get her the help now to process and grieve and heal emotionally so she can continue to be that straight A student with a bright future. 

I am not sure if it has been mentioned but I really think it not you place to be putting it out there that your SD had an abortion. It is a personal and private thing. But I can understand you may need some support in this to. Please delete this post when you are done getting the support you need. Do not leave this out there. It is bad enough your SD had to make sucha a horrible choice, not make it any more public, or leave it up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 49 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:41 PM

no if i was talking to you hun i would quote you lol 

these are the links i provided 

http://fox43.com/2013/01/22/poll-growing-number-of-people-support-abortion-rights/

http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-204_162-537243.html

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/womens-health/articles/2011/07/26/americans-show-rising-support-for-abortion-rights-poll

Quoting AnnieMcD:

Are you talking to me? Where did you provide links? Only one person gave me a link and it was to a faith based website discussing the "harm" abortion does to our bodies.

Quoting Anonymous:


i see i gave you links and you ignored them should i provide you with them again?


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I understand that legislation can be proposed but when it becomes a "law", this does not mean that the "majority" of the population agreed. It means a law was proposed and then approved. That is ALL it means. Like I said before, pot is now "legal" in CO but this does not mean the majority of our population agrees with the law.





Quoting AnnieMcD:

Perhaps "many" ... but not "the majority" or else it would not have been made legal.


Do you understand how laws work?






Quoting Anonymous:

That's an invalid conclusion. Have you been walking around doorstep to doorstep, taking note of how people feel on the matter? LOL Many things are considered LEGAL that are considered hated by our country (many people hate that pot is now legal in CO for instance).





Quoting AnnieMcD:

Those people are stupid. Pregnancy is 40 weeks, and any MOTHER should know that.



And still, I don't need stats, abortion is legal. If the majority of the country considered it murder, it wouldn't be.








Quoting Anonymous:

The majority of the country? REALLY? Got any stats on that?  People also commonly refer to pregnancy being nine months because most obstetricians don't count from the date of conception, Asshat. LOL! 







Quoting AnnieMcD:

You carry a child from the 0 week to the 40 week. Beginning of the first to the end of the 9th. That's 40 weeks. 4 weeks in a month. 10 months.




It's terrifying that you're a mother.




I don't need stats. Abortion is still legal. Therefore the majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Only zealots.










Quoting Anonymous:

The "majority of the country" doesn't view abortion as murder? Really, do you want to back that up with some stats please? I wasn't aware of that at all. You carry a child for 9 months, not 10, then you do the responsible thing by giving someone else a chance at life. There are also such things as open adoptions which are becoming more and more of an option these days so it's obvious that she could even go back and be a part of the child's life later if she wanted to.







Quoting AnnieMcD:

That's your opinion. The majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Carrying a child for 10 months, and then having him or her and giving him to someone else to raise? That's forever. That's walking around the world looking at every child and wondering if it's yours. That's watching the news and wondering if that baby that got put in a microwave, or that poor little girl who was beaten to death, or one of the kids at Sandy Hook were yours. THAT is forever.

















Quoting Anonymous:

Well if the 17 year old was "adult" enough to spread her legs with only a condom as a birth control method, then she should be adult enough to suffer the repercussions of carrying a child. Pregnancy is a nine month long ordeal. Murder is forever. Over and out..............








Quoting AnnieMcD:

A pregnant woman being forced to carry a child she does not want is an incubator. Not only that, but an incubator with feelings that is being physically, hormonally, emotionally and psychologically tortured every day for months on end.













Quoting kmugs:


Even if you are pro-choice, reducing a pregnant women and the act of carrying a baby down to an incubator is pretty offensive.  








Quoting Momniscient:


No one is obligated to be an incubator

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.












































flowerfunleah
by Leah on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:42 PM

I would take your SD's phone away for now, the last thing she needs is to read those texts from her mom.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 61 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:43 PM
I agree that no one is obligated to carry a child to give up. You're completely right. I do wonder though, why it isn't an option for so many. It wouldn't have stopped the girl from still going to college in this post. As far as foster care, I can promise you, no white newborn baby goes into foster care. There are 2-3 year waiting lists just to get one.


Quoting Momniscient:

Sure.

It doesn't change the fact that no one is obligated to carry a child because some people cannot.

Quoting mehaffiesub:

Then I guess we will just agree to disagree.





Quoting Momniscient:

I'm sorry you went through so much trouble.

But it isn't up to you to hate or not hate others choices. Her choice to keep a child or adopt it out wouldn't have made anything easier for you. Unfortunately it isn't so cut and dried as to 'passing a young life to someone else.' Too many kids languish and suffer in the foster care/adoptive system to make blanket statements that women 'should' make that choice. I'm sorry. 

Quoting mehaffiesub:

You know maybe you should think before you write.


Ill admit I miss wrote I meant to write that I dont hate her I just hate what she did.


It took me forever to get pregnant with my dd and that was after doctors told me that I may never even have kids. Thats why when I look at my dd I question how anyone can terminate their pregnancy instead of passing that young life onto someone who may want it.


Im sorry I said I hate the OP I dont hate her I just hate her and her SDs choice.








Quoting Momniscient:

Wow. That's a lot of hate.

No one is obligated to be an incubator. You should seek therapy. Hate is poison.

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.










LilyofPhilly
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Sick how some people think a baby should be a *consequence*.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 49 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:43 PM

thats cute your the one who has been debating all day this is the first time i have quoted you because you ignored my links

pot meet kettle eh?

lol *giggle snort*

are you mad because we proved you wrong bless your heart

*squeezes cheeks while patting head*

Quoting Anonymous:

Did not see them and do not care. I actually have more things to do all day long than debate on CM. Maybe you should follow my lead? Lol


Quoting Anonymous:


i see i gave you links and you ignored them should i provide you with them again?


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I understand that legislation can be proposed but when it becomes a "law", this does not mean that the "majority" of the population agreed. It means a law was proposed and then approved. That is ALL it means. Like I said before, pot is now "legal" in CO but this does not mean the majority of our population agrees with the law.





Quoting AnnieMcD:

Perhaps "many" ... but not "the majority" or else it would not have been made legal.


Do you understand how laws work?






Quoting Anonymous:

That's an invalid conclusion. Have you been walking around doorstep to doorstep, taking note of how people feel on the matter? LOL Many things are considered LEGAL that are considered hated by our country (many people hate that pot is now legal in CO for instance).





Quoting AnnieMcD:

Those people are stupid. Pregnancy is 40 weeks, and any MOTHER should know that.



And still, I don't need stats, abortion is legal. If the majority of the country considered it murder, it wouldn't be.








Quoting Anonymous:

The majority of the country? REALLY? Got any stats on that?  People also commonly refer to pregnancy being nine months because most obstetricians don't count from the date of conception, Asshat. LOL! 







Quoting AnnieMcD:

You carry a child from the 0 week to the 40 week. Beginning of the first to the end of the 9th. That's 40 weeks. 4 weeks in a month. 10 months.




It's terrifying that you're a mother.




I don't need stats. Abortion is still legal. Therefore the majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Only zealots.










Quoting Anonymous:

The "majority of the country" doesn't view abortion as murder? Really, do you want to back that up with some stats please? I wasn't aware of that at all. You carry a child for 9 months, not 10, then you do the responsible thing by giving someone else a chance at life. There are also such things as open adoptions which are becoming more and more of an option these days so it's obvious that she could even go back and be a part of the child's life later if she wanted to.







Quoting AnnieMcD:

That's your opinion. The majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Carrying a child for 10 months, and then having him or her and giving him to someone else to raise? That's forever. That's walking around the world looking at every child and wondering if it's yours. That's watching the news and wondering if that baby that got put in a microwave, or that poor little girl who was beaten to death, or one of the kids at Sandy Hook were yours. THAT is forever.

















Quoting Anonymous:

Well if the 17 year old was "adult" enough to spread her legs with only a condom as a birth control method, then she should be adult enough to suffer the repercussions of carrying a child. Pregnancy is a nine month long ordeal. Murder is forever. Over and out..............








Quoting AnnieMcD:

A pregnant woman being forced to carry a child she does not want is an incubator. Not only that, but an incubator with feelings that is being physically, hormonally, emotionally and psychologically tortured every day for months on end.













Quoting kmugs:


Even if you are pro-choice, reducing a pregnant women and the act of carrying a baby down to an incubator is pretty offensive.  








Quoting Momniscient:


No one is obligated to be an incubator

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.













































LAXmom21
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:44 PM
I was 1 of only a handful of teens who worked 25 years ago. Of my kids friends only a handful work. So why is this generation the entitled ones? My son "works" very hard to get good grades and play his sport so he can get into a D1 or D3 college.

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

Dare I forget that this generation of teenagers is the entitled one.  Besides you can't have it both ways.  Childhood includes sex now?  No wonder she used no precautions -- or in here ultra rare case everything failed.  She obviously had enough time to have sex in between her overwhelming schedule filled with education and athletics. 




Quoting AnnieMcD:

The type whose parents think that going to school and participating in sports is a good way to end your childhood? What a sad world you live in where it's utterly unheard of for a 17 year old full time student to not have a job on top of her schooling and other activities...


Quoting MeAndTommyLee:


You should not have any say in the matter whatsoever, nor should you have taken her.  You paid to `fix' her trouble.  Brilliant move.  Again, not against abortion, but she exercised zero responsibility for herself.  And what type of 17 year old girl  does not have a job? 



 



Quoting Anonymous:



I didn't get appointed for anything. DH spoke with BM and they didn't agree. I did take SD to get it done because she asked me to. Wanting to support her I did as she asked.



Quoting MeAndTommyLee:



You were completely out of line.  Her father, on the other hand should have handled the situation with her mother.  Him `appointing' you as the determining party was a cop out on his part.  I'm certainly NOT against her having the abortion, however, step-parents `step' in and out and this is in one instance that you overstepped.



 



 



 




 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 59 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:44 PM
No sh*t Sherlock. My point is that people are so eager to hold the girl accountable but not the boy. I'm not talking about abortion, I'm talking about shaming.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think its because he didn't have the abortion lol. He couldn't if he wanted to. Dur.




Quoting Anonymous:

Love all these "well she did the deed" posts blaming the girl. Haven't seen many people mention the othet half of the equation at all. I'm willing to be she didn't impregnate herself...

LADYxGHOST
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:46 PM

 

I must have missed where it said the sd or the former baby daddy's race!

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree that no one is obligated to carry a child to give up. You're completely right. I do wonder though, why it isn't an option for so many. It wouldn't have stopped the girl from still going to college in this post. As far as foster care, I can promise you, no white newborn baby goes into foster care. There are 2-3 year waiting lists just to get one.


Quoting Momniscient:

Sure.

It doesn't change the fact that no one is obligated to carry a child because some people cannot.

Quoting mehaffiesub:

Then I guess we will just agree to disagree.





Quoting Momniscient:

I'm sorry you went through so much trouble.

But it isn't up to you to hate or not hate others choices. Her choice to keep a child or adopt it out wouldn't have made anything easier for you. Unfortunately it isn't so cut and dried as to 'passing a young life to someone else.' Too many kids languish and suffer in the foster care/adoptive system to make blanket statements that women 'should' make that choice. I'm sorry. 

Quoting mehaffiesub:

You know maybe you should think before you write.


Ill admit I miss wrote I meant to write that I dont hate her I just hate what she did.


It took me forever to get pregnant with my dd and that was after doctors told me that I may never even have kids. Thats why when I look at my dd I question how anyone can terminate their pregnancy instead of passing that young life onto someone who may want it.


Im sorry I said I hate the OP I dont hate her I just hate her and her SDs choice.








Quoting Momniscient:

Wow. That's a lot of hate.

No one is obligated to be an incubator. You should seek therapy. Hate is poison.

Quoting mehaffiesub:

I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.











 

Mocking.Jay
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:46 PM
That's wonderful. You saved that potential child from a life of poverty. I applaud you!!!!
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