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(FINAL UPDATE!! - BM was ARRESTED) I Took my Step Daughter to get an Abortion Today (Things got scary last night!)

FINAL UPDATE: Some of you ladies are REALLY DUMB. Did you not learn how to read? Read the post before commenting. We gave our SD the option to abort, adopt, or KEEP THE BABY. We would have supported her either way. We said, if you want to have the baby we will help you. We would have helped her with DAYCARE, BIRTH COSTS, EVERYTHING. SD Made her decision. NOT MY BODY. NOT MY CHOICE. We did not push any option. Just gave her all the facts and let her make her decision. We will ALL be pressing charges against BM. Including her own daughter. SD said to me this morning, "She is not my mother anymore. The ability to carry a baby does not make someone a mother. What makes someone a mother is loving their children, no matter what. She doesn't love me. I was just her meal ticket. I am done with her."

Anyway I am done with this post. Don't care what you think of me, don't care if you don't believe me. I'll let you ladies argue with each other but I need to go support my SD. 

UPDATE (Things got ugly last night!): For those of you who wanted an update. Dear SD is doing very well. Last night was rough due to her BM acting like an immature child. She blew up SD and my phone from 6 pm until midnight (yes we have kept all the texts for court). First she was accusing SD of being a bad person, child, etc. Then after SD texted her back telling her to leave her alone and that she would be moving in with us immediately BM's tone changed. She started pleading with SD to not make rash decisions, that she needs her, loves her, etc. It was pathetic. She is SUCH a manipulative woman. She also blew up my phone with profanities and threats. Then she showed up at our house demanding to see SD, which of course, we did not allow.

Then things got scary a few hours later. After leaving, at 2 am BM shows up at our door drunk off her ass. Screaming that we killed her grand-baby and that she will sue DH, that SD is a horrible daughter and she will burn in hell for this. DH stepped outside to try to calm her down and get her to leave. Of course that didn't work. We ended up calling the cops but she bolted right before they showed up (because DH told her that we called the cops hoping that would get her to stop). Shortly after the cops left she CAME BACK. Threw a rock through our front window and slashed the tires on my Porsche. She left a note attached to my car that read, "Murderer. An Eye for an Eye. Watch your back." We immediately called the cops again but we didn't warn her that they were coming this time and she was arrested. Our lawyer has filed papers to make sure SD is immediately removed from the house and we all have filed restraining orders against her. We will be moving on/forward as a FAMILY without her. SD wants nothing to do with her anymore. 

This is so sad. BM has NEVER been like this! She was always a drama queen and emotionally distant from her daughter (Ever since SD was born - BM had REALLY bad PPD after SD was born but managed to get back on track for a while with therapy and medication) but this... This is just awful. We are all hurting now and praying that BM gets some help. We have another meeting with our attorney this afternoon to discuss if there is anyway we can force BM to get some help as we don't want to have to cut her out of our lives forever if she can get better.

EDIT4: For those of you who want to know Dear SD is resting. Doing very well. Obviously she is tired. BM on the other hand has started blowing up SD's phone with profanities and accusations. I cannot believe how immature this woman is!!! DH will talk to her in a day or two. He needs to cool  down (pissed about what she is doing) and hopes that she will too.

Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:38 PM

We went over all the options. Sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion. After DH and I gave her the info we gave her 2 weeks to decide, letting her know we would support her whatever option she chose. She made the decision to get an abortion.

Quoting justpeachy71904:

Why did you post this if you knew everyone would bash you.

I hate that you killed an innocent life but glad you stuck up for your dd. She k ew she made a mistake and couldn't care for her child but there were other options :(

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:38 PM
7 moms liked this

There is no such thing as "barely" pregnant.  You either are or you are not.  There are no shades of grey.  You say "barely" to make yourself feel better about the life that you helped to end.

by Anonymous 15 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:38 PM
3 moms liked this

Birth control is free now, FYI

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:39 PM
1 mom liked this
Glad she has you
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 16 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:39 PM
3 moms liked this

You are the hero today.  When she regrets it down the road, it will be a swift fall for you.  She will resent you for helping her take the easy way out instead of supporting her.

by Anonymous 17 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:40 PM

As the mother of a teenage daughter you did the right thing.  It was her decision to make.  Not Moms, Not yours...her decision.  And although you may never agree with her decision she is the one who will have to live with it.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

i think you are a great step mom. You gave her the option to make her own choice; and than you supported her without judgement.

you rock

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:42 PM

I'm glad she had someone to turn to. A 17 year old has no business having a baby but it's her body, her choice and I'm glad she went the sensible way and that you and her father were/are supportive of that right/choice. Her mother can suck it and she doesn't have a leg to stand on, since it was your SD's choice to make, not hers.

by Anonymous 18 on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Exactly she is almost and adult, she could have very well taken care of her baby. You make it sound like having a baby would have destroyed her life. Not all teenage mother turn out to ruin their life you know. I was a teenage mother at 14, I managed to get my High School Diploma a year ahead of time and went on to receive my BA. While it was not easy, my daughter is now 16 and I would not change her for the world.

You can go ahead and bad mouth the mother all you want, but the fact of the matter remains, you are not her mother.  Apparently, the courts found her to be the more suitable parent, since she is the primary caregiver. 

I think you are a little bitter and hurt because those $3,000.00 come out of your pocket every month, since you are the "bread winner" and you really want to eliminate all ties this woman has to your husband.  Kinda sad really.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you did the right thing. Raising a child should never be "suffering the consequence of actions." We have too many miserable perople on the planet already.

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