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Am I REALLY the Worst Mom in the World...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Or does this happen to you, too?

I'll be sitting down doing WHATEVER.  Paying bills, writing for a class, talking to DH, playing pool, something that requires concentration.  The exact MOMENT DS1 starts talking, I lose my entire train of thought.

I'm a SAHM.  I'm with him 24/7.  I get random sporadic breaks from him.  But his voice makes my thoughts skip like a broken record.  It doesn't matter what he is saying, or if he is even talking to me or just making noise too close.

I can focus on stuff through drums, loud music, motorcycles, appliances, etc.  It's specifically DS that completely derails me every time he opens his mouth.

Sometimes it's all I can do not to yell at him.  It is so frustrating when I'm trying to get things done and I can't complete a thought.  And it doesn't matter if I send him to another room or set him up with a movie or game, he always wanders in once I'm in the groove.

I was confiding in a friend how frustrated I was getting, and she called me the worst Mom ever.  What Mom wouldn't cherish every word to come out of a kid's mouth?  (Every Mom on the planet gets tired of listening to her kids at some point!)  How can paying bills be more important than listening to him play trains?  (I prefer us to keep the house he is playing in?) Why don't I just do all my stuff after he is asleep?  (Becaue I'd be far too tired to care for him during the day if I had to spend hours up late each night?)

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Replies (11-18):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:14 PM


Thanks for the tips.  Yeah, we go to Kindergarten Roundup on the 28th!  He is just like his father, he never runs out of energy.  When he was younger I used to have to pin him to the bed or he wouldn't sleep!  The pediatrician offered this device to buckle him in (for his safety, he would sneak out all hours and get into things) but it looked so medieval and scary!  I'd just hold him down next to me and then put an alarm on his door to go off if he opened it.

I know I'll miss him, but at the same time, thank GOD for full day kindergarten here!  He will benefit so much from it all.  I used to be so good at keeping up with him, but I just started slipping when the new baby was born.  There is ZERO sibling rivalry, he adores his baby brother.  But I have less energy and need my breaks to eitehr get stuff done or catch my breath.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am glad ou took this as advice versus bashing your parenting, I wasn't aiming for that.
It does sound, in part, like a discipline issue as well as getting your attention.
A couple things you can try - put some toys in a box, bring that box out only when you want some mommy time. "new" toys are always more interesting.
Give him a task to complete, he is encouraged to finish that task before he comes to you for anything. I do this with my three yr old. Things like separate your cars by their colors then come show mommy what a great job you did. With your son being four you can put some educational work in the mix, like a preschool workbook.
Set a timer, tell him the timer is set so *ds name* gets five minutes all to himself and mommy gets five minutes all to herself. When the timer dings it's mommy and *ds name* time. Work that timer up to a time limit you know he can manage.
Encourage him to take his time just like mommy needs her time.
Another thing that helps us, get him involved in basic household things, the things you have to do. That will give him mommy time and attention during the times you have to get things done.
Phone calls, bill paying, dh time, homework are all reasonable times for him to respect what you're doing at four. The only thing to be careful of is that you're not spending too much time with those things so that he doesn't feel ignored. He may not be ignored even slightly but how he feels is what matters to him.
Run him crazy, he needs to get as much energy out as he can!
You have to put our foot down at those times. He is old enough to self entertain during those things. I thought you said he was one, I didn't realize he was four. Next yr he will be in kindergarten, sounds crazy but you will miss those times as much as you will enjoy your break!

Quoting Anonymous:


I'm sorry, it wasn't clear.  He is 4.  I get what I can done while he is in preschool in the mornings, but I do also have an 11 month old I need to spend quality time with, too.

The main problem is he KNOWS when I am concentrating and decides to test me then.  I spend lunch with him hearing about his school day.  We go over what he learned and do activities based on it.  I have time in the evening to read to him, help him get his bath (to include playing toy ships with him) etc.  He'll be fine on his own UNTIL I START SOMETHING.  If he walks up and asks me for something nicely, I'll do it.

Yes, sometimes I need uninterrupted time to talk to DH.  Especially considering we almost divorced earlier last year due to communication issues.

Bill paying can take some time when you have to call and inform the company they are charging you for a service you didn't sign up for.  All those were EXAMPLES of things that I might need to do.  I'm not saying they happen daily for hours and hours each day.  That's half the point.  He ONLY does this when I AM busy.

But if I literally took everything I had to do and everything I wanted to do in a day and tried to do it at night instead, I would not sleep most nights.  I mean, I won't take a 2 hour bath with the kids awake, but if I'm putting on my makeup and he comes yelling into the bathroom, it gets OLD.

As for getting him involved, that is a helluva lot harder when he won't listen to the rules.  Like, keep your hands out of the pockets or you'll break a finger.  We are trying to teach him how to behave in the basement around the pool table and all, but he won't listen.  I've given him tasks when everybody is around, and he does good.  Like helping people get cups to the kitchen, or playing cards with the other kids next to the "guys."  But if it is just me and him, he pushes it.  So if I set him up with crackers and a movie upstairs and decide I deserve a break and go to work on my aim, I get frustrated when not even 5 minutes after I have been DOTING on him he has to come down and get in my business again.  Not only that, but he'll literally wait until I am just about to take a shot before screaming my name.

I appreaciate you are trying to help.  I am open for more advice.  Does this sound like a discipline issue?  Does this added information give you any new insight?


Quoting Anonymous:

If you are trying to get things done and he keeps interrupting you then you are spending far more time on tasks than is necessary and hat is one of the reasons you are frustrated. You have to do these things when you can be more productive, naps, bedtime when dh is there etc.


If you continue to try to do these things when he needs your attention you will continue to be frustrated and not as productive as you can be.


I work from home and I have four kids, three older, independent kids and a two yr old. I include toddler time in my list of to dos so that I can balance my day and the things that need done with the things I enjoy doing like toddler time.


It won't work if you spend your day trying to get him interested in something every five minutes while starting and stopping the things you need to do plus you are Not spending the quality time with him that he needs. One is a demanding age especially an only child or the only oung child.


How long can bills really take to do? Schedule that at night. Playing pool? Get him involved. Talking to dh, do you really need to concentrate and have no interruptions to talk to your dh?


Another thing that worked was I had a box of his work, fun things for him to do that I took out once per day so they were new and more exciting for him. While he did his thing I worked.


I put him on a schedule so I could put a couple hours in after he went to bed, work time, hobby time, dh time ;) whatever but he went to bed at a decent enough time so I could get a couple mommy hours.






Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:42 PM
I know it can be exhausting! I have four boys, all with bounds and bounds of energy. I'm glad he doesn't have any sibling rivalry, until baby can walk then it's MOOOOM he's in my room lol! My boys weren't jealous either but they do have those mom, get the baby out of my room moments! They also adore him! It has been an amazing experience to have a lo with older children. My boys are 17, 16, 12 & 3 in a few weeks. The only issue is that he can be needy as he is like an only kid being so much younger. I have to get creative with him to get things done as well. Plus, the kid is a ninja when it comes to sneaking some trouble in if I'm not watching him EVERY waking second! Even with no jealousy the family dynamic has changed and some kids need a little more adjustment time. It really doesn't sound like you are doing anything "wrong" or "bad" you just may have to get creative with him?
I'm sure he will love kindergarten! It sounds like the time spent their with other kids will be great for him!
Oh and I'm glad you didn't have to strap him to the bed, that does sound extreme. My youngest doesn't sleep either, never really has so I know that lack of sleep can drive your body bonkers! I'm hoping he grows out of it?? The pedi thinks he has a sleep disorder but they can't do any sleep studies until he is older. I know there is a key to managing his sleep issues, I just have to find it, I hope there is anyway. He stopped taking naps a couple months ago as well, I wanted to cry. Does your ds still take naps?

Quoting Anonymous:


Thanks for the tips.  Yeah, we go to Kindergarten Roundup on the 28th!  He is just like his father, he never runs out of energy.  When he was younger I used to have to pin him to the bed or he wouldn't sleep!  The pediatrician offered this device to buckle him in (for his safety, he would sneak out all hours and get into things) but it looked so medieval and scary!  I'd just hold him down next to me and then put an alarm on his door to go off if he opened it.

I know I'll miss him, but at the same time, thank GOD for full day kindergarten here!  He will benefit so much from it all.  I used to be so good at keeping up with him, but I just started slipping when the new baby was born.  There is ZERO sibling rivalry, he adores his baby brother.  But I have less energy and need my breaks to eitehr get stuff done or catch my breath.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am glad ou took this as advice versus bashing your parenting, I wasn't aiming for that.

It does sound, in part, like a discipline issue as well as getting your attention.

A couple things you can try - put some toys in a box, bring that box out only when you want some mommy time. "new" toys are always more interesting.

Give him a task to complete, he is encouraged to finish that task before he comes to you for anything. I do this with my three yr old. Things like separate your cars by their colors then come show mommy what a great job you did. With your son being four you can put some educational work in the mix, like a preschool workbook.

Set a timer, tell him the timer is set so *ds name* gets five minutes all to himself and mommy gets five minutes all to herself. When the timer dings it's mommy and *ds name* time. Work that timer up to a time limit you know he can manage.

Encourage him to take his time just like mommy needs her time.

Another thing that helps us, get him involved in basic household things, the things you have to do. That will give him mommy time and attention during the times you have to get things done.

Phone calls, bill paying, dh time, homework are all reasonable times for him to respect what you're doing at four. The only thing to be careful of is that you're not spending too much time with those things so that he doesn't feel ignored. He may not be ignored even slightly but how he feels is what matters to him.

Run him crazy, he needs to get as much energy out as he can!

You have to put our foot down at those times. He is old enough to self entertain during those things. I thought you said he was one, I didn't realize he was four. Next yr he will be in kindergarten, sounds crazy but you will miss those times as much as you will enjoy your break!



Quoting Anonymous:


I'm sorry, it wasn't clear.  He is 4.  I get what I can done while he is in preschool in the mornings, but I do also have an 11 month old I need to spend quality time with, too.

The main problem is he KNOWS when I am concentrating and decides to test me then.  I spend lunch with him hearing about his school day.  We go over what he learned and do activities based on it.  I have time in the evening to read to him, help him get his bath (to include playing toy ships with him) etc.  He'll be fine on his own UNTIL I START SOMETHING.  If he walks up and asks me for something nicely, I'll do it.

Yes, sometimes I need uninterrupted time to talk to DH.  Especially considering we almost divorced earlier last year due to communication issues.

Bill paying can take some time when you have to call and inform the company they are charging you for a service you didn't sign up for.  All those were EXAMPLES of things that I might need to do.  I'm not saying they happen daily for hours and hours each day.  That's half the point.  He ONLY does this when I AM busy.

But if I literally took everything I had to do and everything I wanted to do in a day and tried to do it at night instead, I would not sleep most nights.  I mean, I won't take a 2 hour bath with the kids awake, but if I'm putting on my makeup and he comes yelling into the bathroom, it gets OLD.

As for getting him involved, that is a helluva lot harder when he won't listen to the rules.  Like, keep your hands out of the pockets or you'll break a finger.  We are trying to teach him how to behave in the basement around the pool table and all, but he won't listen.  I've given him tasks when everybody is around, and he does good.  Like helping people get cups to the kitchen, or playing cards with the other kids next to the "guys."  But if it is just me and him, he pushes it.  So if I set him up with crackers and a movie upstairs and decide I deserve a break and go to work on my aim, I get frustrated when not even 5 minutes after I have been DOTING on him he has to come down and get in my business again.  Not only that, but he'll literally wait until I am just about to take a shot before screaming my name.

I appreaciate you are trying to help.  I am open for more advice.  Does this sound like a discipline issue?  Does this added information give you any new insight?



Quoting Anonymous:

If you are trying to get things done and he keeps interrupting you then you are spending far more time on tasks than is necessary and hat is one of the reasons you are frustrated. You have to do these things when you can be more productive, naps, bedtime when dh is there etc.



If you continue to try to do these things when he needs your attention you will continue to be frustrated and not as productive as you can be.



I work from home and I have four kids, three older, independent kids and a two yr old. I include toddler time in my list of to dos so that I can balance my day and the things that need done with the things I enjoy doing like toddler time.



It won't work if you spend your day trying to get him interested in something every five minutes while starting and stopping the things you need to do plus you are Not spending the quality time with him that he needs. One is a demanding age especially an only child or the only oung child.



How long can bills really take to do? Schedule that at night. Playing pool? Get him involved. Talking to dh, do you really need to concentrate and have no interruptions to talk to your dh?



Another thing that worked was I had a box of his work, fun things for him to do that I took out once per day so they were new and more exciting for him. While he did his thing I worked.



I put him on a schedule so I could put a couple hours in after he went to bed, work time, hobby time, dh time ;) whatever but he went to bed at a decent enough time so I could get a couple mommy hours.








Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:44 PM

your friend is an asshole.  there have been times I have BEGGED my 5 year old just to stop talking...lol

EvilAsh
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:45 PM

I think you can take breaks from those things for your kid. Spend more time with him. My kids know when I'm doing school work and to say, excuse me, before bugging me. It's less irritating than yelling and being rude. 

Worst mom, not really, but kind of selfish. 

Teach him not to interrupt during certain times of the day.  Get him in the routine. My kids are. After breakfast--before lunch is my school time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:45 PM


I dont' know if he'll grow out of it or not.  LOL  I don't care so much when he's old enough to know better than say, drink whatever bottle he can reach or tug on the TV where it might come loose and fall.

My older DS does not take naps.  My younger DS would LOVE to take naps if his brother would just quiet down, kwim?  lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I know it can be exhausting! I have four boys, all with bounds and bounds of energy. I'm glad he doesn't have any sibling rivalry, until baby can walk then it's MOOOOM he's in my room lol! My boys weren't jealous either but they do have those mom, get the baby out of my room moments! They also adore him! It has been an amazing experience to have a lo with older children. My boys are 17, 16, 12 & 3 in a few weeks. The only issue is that he can be needy as he is like an only kid being so much younger. I have to get creative with him to get things done as well. Plus, the kid is a ninja when it comes to sneaking some trouble in if I'm not watching him EVERY waking second! Even with no jealousy the family dynamic has changed and some kids need a little more adjustment time. It really doesn't sound like you are doing anything "wrong" or "bad" you just may have to get creative with him?
I'm sure he will love kindergarten! It sounds like the time spent their with other kids will be great for him!
Oh and I'm glad you didn't have to strap him to the bed, that does sound extreme. My youngest doesn't sleep either, never really has so I know that lack of sleep can drive your body bonkers! I'm hoping he grows out of it?? The pedi thinks he has a sleep disorder but they can't do any sleep studies until he is older. I know there is a key to managing his sleep issues, I just have to find it, I hope there is anyway. He stopped taking naps a couple months ago as well, I wanted to cry. Does your ds still take naps?

Quoting Anonymous:


Thanks for the tips.  Yeah, we go to Kindergarten Roundup on the 28th!  He is just like his father, he never runs out of energy.  When he was younger I used to have to pin him to the bed or he wouldn't sleep!  The pediatrician offered this device to buckle him in (for his safety, he would sneak out all hours and get into things) but it looked so medieval and scary!  I'd just hold him down next to me and then put an alarm on his door to go off if he opened it.

I know I'll miss him, but at the same time, thank GOD for full day kindergarten here!  He will benefit so much from it all.  I used to be so good at keeping up with him, but I just started slipping when the new baby was born.  There is ZERO sibling rivalry, he adores his baby brother.  But I have less energy and need my breaks to eitehr get stuff done or catch my breath.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am glad ou took this as advice versus bashing your parenting, I wasn't aiming for that.

It does sound, in part, like a discipline issue as well as getting your attention.

A couple things you can try - put some toys in a box, bring that box out only when you want some mommy time. "new" toys are always more interesting.

Give him a task to complete, he is encouraged to finish that task before he comes to you for anything. I do this with my three yr old. Things like separate your cars by their colors then come show mommy what a great job you did. With your son being four you can put some educational work in the mix, like a preschool workbook.

Set a timer, tell him the timer is set so *ds name* gets five minutes all to himself and mommy gets five minutes all to herself. When the timer dings it's mommy and *ds name* time. Work that timer up to a time limit you know he can manage.

Encourage him to take his time just like mommy needs her time.

Another thing that helps us, get him involved in basic household things, the things you have to do. That will give him mommy time and attention during the times you have to get things done.

Phone calls, bill paying, dh time, homework are all reasonable times for him to respect what you're doing at four. The only thing to be careful of is that you're not spending too much time with those things so that he doesn't feel ignored. He may not be ignored even slightly but how he feels is what matters to him.

Run him crazy, he needs to get as much energy out as he can!

You have to put our foot down at those times. He is old enough to self entertain during those things. I thought you said he was one, I didn't realize he was four. Next yr he will be in kindergarten, sounds crazy but you will miss those times as much as you will enjoy your break!



Quoting Anonymous:


I'm sorry, it wasn't clear.  He is 4.  I get what I can done while he is in preschool in the mornings, but I do also have an 11 month old I need to spend quality time with, too.

The main problem is he KNOWS when I am concentrating and decides to test me then.  I spend lunch with him hearing about his school day.  We go over what he learned and do activities based on it.  I have time in the evening to read to him, help him get his bath (to include playing toy ships with him) etc.  He'll be fine on his own UNTIL I START SOMETHING.  If he walks up and asks me for something nicely, I'll do it.

Yes, sometimes I need uninterrupted time to talk to DH.  Especially considering we almost divorced earlier last year due to communication issues.

Bill paying can take some time when you have to call and inform the company they are charging you for a service you didn't sign up for.  All those were EXAMPLES of things that I might need to do.  I'm not saying they happen daily for hours and hours each day.  That's half the point.  He ONLY does this when I AM busy.

But if I literally took everything I had to do and everything I wanted to do in a day and tried to do it at night instead, I would not sleep most nights.  I mean, I won't take a 2 hour bath with the kids awake, but if I'm putting on my makeup and he comes yelling into the bathroom, it gets OLD.

As for getting him involved, that is a helluva lot harder when he won't listen to the rules.  Like, keep your hands out of the pockets or you'll break a finger.  We are trying to teach him how to behave in the basement around the pool table and all, but he won't listen.  I've given him tasks when everybody is around, and he does good.  Like helping people get cups to the kitchen, or playing cards with the other kids next to the "guys."  But if it is just me and him, he pushes it.  So if I set him up with crackers and a movie upstairs and decide I deserve a break and go to work on my aim, I get frustrated when not even 5 minutes after I have been DOTING on him he has to come down and get in my business again.  Not only that, but he'll literally wait until I am just about to take a shot before screaming my name.

I appreaciate you are trying to help.  I am open for more advice.  Does this sound like a discipline issue?  Does this added information give you any new insight?



Quoting Anonymous:

If you are trying to get things done and he keeps interrupting you then you are spending far more time on tasks than is necessary and hat is one of the reasons you are frustrated. You have to do these things when you can be more productive, naps, bedtime when dh is there etc.



If you continue to try to do these things when he needs your attention you will continue to be frustrated and not as productive as you can be.



I work from home and I have four kids, three older, independent kids and a two yr old. I include toddler time in my list of to dos so that I can balance my day and the things that need done with the things I enjoy doing like toddler time.



It won't work if you spend your day trying to get him interested in something every five minutes while starting and stopping the things you need to do plus you are Not spending the quality time with him that he needs. One is a demanding age especially an only child or the only oung child.



How long can bills really take to do? Schedule that at night. Playing pool? Get him involved. Talking to dh, do you really need to concentrate and have no interruptions to talk to your dh?



Another thing that worked was I had a box of his work, fun things for him to do that I took out once per day so they were new and more exciting for him. While he did his thing I worked.



I put him on a schedule so I could put a couple hours in after he went to bed, work time, hobby time, dh time ;) whatever but he went to bed at a decent enough time so I could get a couple mommy hours.










babygirlsmom314
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:20 PM

Our dd does the same type of thing.  She won't be talking or near us or anything but we (my dh and I) will start talking or watching something and in comes our dd telling us about something.  Or I will be trying to read something and she will start telling my about what Pinkie Pie is doing or whichever My Little Pony is doing something or saying something.

No you aren't the World's worst mom.  We all have those moments.  Man to find a perfect hiding spot would be so great.

happy2bmom25
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:23 PM

you are not the worst mom ever!

momof2.5girls
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:24 PM
If u stayed up all night doing your work, u would be the worst mom ever! I would love to tell u that they grow out of it but so far mine have not! My kids talk sometimes just to hear their own voices! It drives me nuts! Maybe u can get some headphones or something to drown him out now and then.
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