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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I think my husband is going to leave me... advice needed *UPDATE*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 30 Replies

I don't want to get into the backstory, but basically we have been at odds for a few days and cannot resolve it. My husband took his ring off (which he has never done before) and said he's done. He has not left yet, but I think it's headed in that direction. We have been down this road before but it always gets resolved because I am the one that always gives in and does whatever he wants me to. I'm tired of trying to change for him, but I won't leave. If he wants to, that is fine.

My question is - what are my options here? Should I be doing anything (legally or financially) to prepare myself for if he does actually leave?

We both work full-time, and have a joint savings account, but we have separate checking accounts. He makes considerably more than me. I could not afford our house on my own if he left.

Should I say anything to our kids? (Unfortunately they see us argue and I think they have an idea of what's going on. He slept on the couch all weekend, and has not eaten dinner at the table with the family - They are somewhat young (under 10)... but I am sure they notice these things are odd.)

Thanks in advance for any input. We have gone through this shit before, but I am sick of being a doormat, and this is the first time I am actually nervous that this might be the end of us.

*UPDATE* Thank you all for the kinds words and advice. He woke me up at 3 o'clock this morning to talk because he could not sleep. We had a long heart-to-heart discussion and we came to a compromise. I did not give in to what he wants, but we met each other halfway.

He told me that he does not want to leave, that he does love me, etc. We are both at fault for our issues, so we both have stuff to work on... but we are going to try because we think our marriage and family are worth it to give it another shot.

To those who suggested counselling: It's not something he will do. I have suggested it before. Hopefully we can both be mature enough to own up to our mistakes from here on out. I did tell him that if he ever takes his ring off again, we are officially done. And I mean it. That's a complete disrespect of our marriage, and I won't tolerate it again.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:15 PM

the only advice i have is not to say anything to your kids YET. You don't know for sure if he is going to leave so if you said something to them and then he stayed, you would cause them unnecessary stress, ya know? Also, you guys should really make an effort not to fight in front of them. Even if you stay together, it effects the kids when they see you arguing like that and again, stresses them out. 

terpmama
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:16 PM

Couples therapy... Without knowing what's dividing you I'm not much more help

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:17 PM
5 moms liked this

If it where me, I would make sure I took half of what is in the savings account and mak sure he can't touch my bank account.

I would be taking my name off items that I know I couldn't pay for. I would start looking for a smaller place to move to and getting ready for a divorce.

Then I would walk right up to him and I would tel him that he has to make a choice and it has to be right now, either work this out or leave. This fighting and going back and forth, taking rings off is too much for one person to handle and it isn't good for the children.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:18 PM

I agree. We usually try not to argue in front of them, but it's just been getting worse. He'll bring up anything in front of them and fight about it at this point. I have asked him to wait until they go to bed or take it in another room, but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way.


Quoting Anonymous:

the only advice i have is not to say anything to your kids YET. You don't know for sure if he is going to leave so if you said something to them and then he stayed, you would cause them unnecessary stress, ya know? Also, you guys should really make an effort not to fight in front of them. Even if you stay together, it effects the kids when they see you arguing like that and again, stresses them out. 



kelly617
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:19 PM

Don't say anything to the kids...if he ends up leaving let HIM explain why he's going to them. And if he doesn't leave at least you haven't freaked them out for no reason

Maybe take some money out of your joint account and put it in your own account so he can't take it all....but thats up to you

LadyNCVE
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:20 PM
Is he the type to leave you stuck financially? If so, empty the savings? :/ If not, then discuss it with him. Maybe write a letter to him with your expectations? In WI you get 25% of his income for 2 kids, if they will be staying with you. Check out your states laws. He has to help you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:21 PM

i know how that is, dh tends to be the same way. i tell him im not doing this right now and we can talk later when we are alone but then he just wont let up. really pisses me off. and makes it worse when ds says things like "mommy why are you bad? why is daddy yelling at you? you need to be good" like ugghhh really?!?! hang in there mama, good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree. We usually try not to argue in front of them, but it's just been getting worse. He'll bring up anything in front of them and fight about it at this point. I have asked him to wait until they go to bed or take it in another room, but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way.


Quoting Anonymous:

the only advice i have is not to say anything to your kids YET. You don't know for sure if he is going to leave so if you said something to them and then he stayed, you would cause them unnecessary stress, ya know? Also, you guys should really make an effort not to fight in front of them. Even if you stay together, it effects the kids when they see you arguing like that and again, stresses them out. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:23 PM

Am I able to withdraw money from a joint account by myself? I was always under the impression that both people needed to sign the withdrawal slip to take money out.


Quoting kelly617:

Don't say anything to the kids...if he ends up leaving let HIM explain why he's going to them. And if he doesn't leave at least you haven't freaked them out for no reason

Maybe take some money out of your joint account and put it in your own account so he can't take it all....but thats up to you



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:26 PM

W. UR LAWYER WILL U ELL-START GATHERING BILLS SEE WHAT U NEED TO KNOW TO SURVIVE ..TALK TO A LAWYER U PROBABLY NEED LEGAl council ..talk to the children they need to know u will always love them. CHECK TO SEE IF HE HAS VTAKEN UR NAME OFF INSURENCE AND OTHER STUFF. TALK TO UR FAMILY . CHECK FOR  HIDDEN ASSETS HE WILL MOVE THEM AND TAKE UR NAME OFF. GET HELP

IEVORCE IS A NASTY BUSINESS  

Master_Debater
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:27 PM


Quoting terpmama:

Couples therapy... Without knowing what's dividing you I'm not much more help

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