My disgusting confession *Update*
Posted by Anonymous
- 288 Replies
And no, I do not want a cookie. No, not yay me; and no, I'm not proud. I'm confessing here because no one knows IRL and I need to somehow get it out.
I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.
Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.
I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.
*update*
I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...
I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.
My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.
I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.
Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.
I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.
*update*
I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...
I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.
My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:41 AM
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by Anonymous
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:31 AM
You know he will find out though. He will leave you. Its not like it was a one night stand. You are repeating the behavior again and again and don't even want to stop.
Quoting Anonymous:
Its a weird feeling. I DO love him. When he's around, I feel great. We're affectionate and loving toward each other. Its very genuine. There could be a small part of me that has a lack of attraction and respect for him, but I do love him and know that he's going to remain my husband. I would never leave him for any of these men
Quoting Anonymous:I'm sorry but you do NOT love your husband. At least not completely.
by
Bronze Member
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:31 AM
He'll catch you eventually. Then he'll leave your cheating butt. Its not all about you. You dont have to leave, he can.
Quoting Anonymous:
Its a weird feeling. I DO love him. When he's around, I feel great. We're affectionate and loving toward each other. Its very genuine. There could be a small part of me that has a lack of attraction and respect for him, but I do love him and know that he's going to remain my husband. I would never leave him for any of these men
Quoting Anonymous:I'm sorry but you do NOT love your husband. At least not completely.
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by
Silver Member
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:31 AM
Well ok then. I think your a sorry excuse for a human being. I've been cheated on multiple times and I wasn't even married to the guys. It sucks. I'm sure when your husband finds out you will get divorced and if you don't, your marriage will never be the same and he will hate you forever. Good job asshole.
by
Platinum Member
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:33 AM
Sounds like you're having some issues that need a therapist. Is your husband not giving you attention? Does he give you compliments and treat you like you're a woman not just a mom?
Not that, that would make it ok, just wondering.
There are books that will help you with your marriage (if you want that) I would stop going out and cut off all contact with the other guy and get your home life straightened out before its to late.
Not that, that would make it ok, just wondering.
There are books that will help you with your marriage (if you want that) I would stop going out and cut off all contact with the other guy and get your home life straightened out before its to late.
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by Anonymous - Original Poster
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:33 AM
Ok
Quoting s.osborne:Well ok then. I think your a sorry excuse for a human being. I've been cheated on multiple times and I wasn't even married to the guys. It sucks. I'm sure when your husband finds out you will get divorced and if you don't, your marriage will never be the same and he will hate you forever. Good job asshole.
by Anonymous
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:35 AM
He will eventually find out and he will leave you. You were the one that decided to stay when he cheated on you, but he will leave you in a sec. Why are you bringing strange men to your home?That is crazy. You know what you are doing is wrong. You should find a job, go back to school, or volunteer at your children's school. Do something productive, so you can feel good about yourself. You have poor self esteem. I am almost sure you feel like crap after you do what you do, but of course you won't admit it.
by Anonymous
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:35 AM
Im having issues myself....my H cheated on me 3 years ago and we were working on things, but lately I find myself wanting to cheat. I have been fixated on a guy at work..not sure why cuz he is not super handsome or anything and he is 19 years older then me. However he flirts and I flirt back and lately I find my mind wondering thinking about him when I am not home. I have not crossed any lines but the feelings are there. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF ITS JUST MY SUBCONSCIOUS WANTING REVENGE for what my H did to me. I agree with the other posters on here though. You should stop...figure out what you really want, if its your marriage then stay and work on it but if freedom is what your after then maybe you need to rethink things and divorce. Good luck with whatever you decide
Quoting lunabella79:
His old affair is probably the reason you don't feel guilty. But there's probably an underlying reason why you're seeking the "attention" of other men. Can you see a therapist without dh's knowledge?
Quoting Anonymous:
Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way
Quoting Anonymous:You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible. You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!
by Anonymous
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:37 AM
You feel So Guilty ,,that's why you can't stop the insanity & self-destruction now? You want to do it Again & Again...That's what I call Selfish. confess to husband now & hurt him to ease your guilty conscience..I agree below w/ Anomymous..Get Real :( ... Get divorce ( w/o telling him) & Get therapy.. I don't believe for one minute it is Depression but Childish & Stupid. Please Don't confess to us just to make yourself feel better... I don't want to hear it.
Quoting Anonymous:
You really don't love your husband or yourself. Do the both of you a favor divorce him and get yourself into therapy.
by Anonymous - Original Poster
on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:39 AM
There is a small part that wants him to find out. He wont leave me. I'm almost 100% certain of it. I have been trying to tell him that I need more and we need to work on our intimacy and sexual chemistry.... he doesnt listen.
Quoting kris0921:
I think you want something new. You have been in mom and wife mode for 10yrs now, and you want a different feeling. I don't think you are in love with your dh, if you were you would feel some type of guilt. (I did when I was emotionally cheating on my dh.) I think the only reason you are staying with him, is either your family or you feel too secure to leave. I hope for your sake your dh finds out so he can get your butt to counseling, if he doesnt leave you.
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Being a SAHM for the past 5 yrs has made me