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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My disgusting confession *Update*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
And no, I do not want a cookie. No, not yay me; and no, I'm not proud. I'm confessing here because no one knows IRL and I need to somehow get it out.

I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.

Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.

I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.

*update*
I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...
I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.
My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:41 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:11 AM
No....


Quoting twinmommy27:

Are you worried that one of these guys you bring home will come over unexpectedly?




Quoting Anonymous:

I never said I feel guilty. That's one of the problems...that I DONT feel guilty. I'm not a child though, I know what selfishness is...and I'm not afraid to admit it. Hell yea I'm being selfish. Somehow I find some construed way to justify it though. I've been nothing but selfLESS for 6 yrs. Happily taking care of my children, husband and home. In fact, I still do all of that. I don't do this crap in front of my loved ones. I wait until I'm alone. Yes. I've brought strange men home...def not when my kids were home though. Yes, its still stupid and dangerous. I'm not dumb, I know that my actions could effect others.


I guess part of the reason why I confessed is so that I could opinions from people who don't know me. Perhaps give me some new insight....






Quoting Anonymous:

 




You feel So Guilty ,,that's  why you can't stop the insanity & self-destruction now? You want to do it Again & Again...That's what I call Selfish. confess to husband now & hurt him to ease your guilty conscience..I agree below w/ Anomymous..Get Real :(  ... Get divorce ( w/o telling him)  &  Get therapy.. I don't believe for one minute it is Depression but Childish & Stupid. Please Don't confess to us just to make yourself feel better... I don't want to hear it.




Quoting Anonymous:

You really don't love your husband or yourself. Do the both of you a favor divorce him and get yourself into therapy.







 




Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:20 AM

how did you feel when he had the affair and you found out about it??? probably not good if i'm guessing!!!! Would you want him to feel the same way you did at that point in time?

IMO.... I think you're just asking for trouble... you know this might cause some problems but for some reason i dont think you care...I think you should end everything with this guy on the side, especially if you love your husband.... if things were going so great with your husband then you wouldn't be looking for something/someone else...

hope things work out for you with whatever decision you chose to do, and i hope that if you chose your husband he don't find out.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way


Quoting Anonymous:

You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:21 AM
THERAPY!! You have some things going on. You are exhibiting very risky behavior. You need to see someone quick before you ruin not only your life and DH's but more importantly your children's.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:24 AM
Yes. I love him, but you're correct in saying that I'm missing something. The excitement, and the sexual area of our marriage is def lacking. I've tried talking to him. He's not exactly open to much. Of course that doesn't make my actions OK.


Quoting Anonymous:

how did you feel when he had the affair and you found out about it??? probably not good if i'm guessing!!!! Would you want him to feel the same way you did at that point in time?


IMO.... I think you're just asking for trouble... you know this might cause some problems but for some reason i dont think you care...I think you should end everything with this guy on the side, especially if you love your husband.... if things were going so great with your husband then you wouldn't be looking for something/someone else...


hope things work out for you with whatever decision you chose to do, and i hope that if you chose your husband he don't find out.


Quoting Anonymous:

Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way



Quoting Anonymous:


You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!





 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:28 AM

well try going to therapy... they might be able to give you some ways to get the excitement back. or at least some ways to talk to him and maybe help him see things your way! 


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes. I love him, but you're correct in saying that I'm missing something. The excitement, and the sexual area of our marriage is def lacking. I've tried talking to him. He's not exactly open to much. Of course that doesn't make my actions OK.


Quoting Anonymous:

how did you feel when he had the affair and you found out about it??? probably not good if i'm guessing!!!! Would you want him to feel the same way you did at that point in time?


IMO.... I think you're just asking for trouble... you know this might cause some problems but for some reason i dont think you care...I think you should end everything with this guy on the side, especially if you love your husband.... if things were going so great with your husband then you wouldn't be looking for something/someone else...


hope things work out for you with whatever decision you chose to do, and i hope that if you chose your husband he don't find out.


Quoting Anonymous:

Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way



Quoting Anonymous:


You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!



 


 



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:37 AM

 

I'll Give you "insight" !!!   STOP IT & if you don't feel guilty, than You definitely need therapy

Quoting Anonymous:

I never said I feel guilty. That's one of the problems...that I DONT feel guilty. I'm not a child though, I know what selfishness is...and I'm not afraid to admit it. Hell yea I'm being selfish. Somehow I find some construed way to justify it though. I've been nothing but selfLESS for 6 yrs. Happily taking care of my children, husband and home. In fact, I still do all of that. I don't do this crap in front of my loved ones. I wait until I'm alone. Yes. I've brought strange men home...def not when my kids were home though. Yes, its still stupid and dangerous. I'm not dumb, I know that my actions could effect others.
I guess part of the reason why I confessed is so that I could opinions from people who don't know me. Perhaps give me some new insight....


Quoting Anonymous:

 


You feel So Guilty ,,that's  why you can't stop the insanity & self-destruction now? You want to do it Again & Again...That's what I call Selfish. confess to husband now & hurt him to ease your guilty conscience..I agree below w/ Anomymous..Get Real :(  ... Get divorce ( w/o telling him)  &  Get therapy.. I don't believe for one minute it is Depression but Childish & Stupid. Please Don't confess to us just to make yourself feel better... I don't want to hear it.


Quoting Anonymous:

You really don't love your husband or yourself. Do the both of you a favor divorce him and get yourself into therapy.

 


 



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:43 AM
I do agree. I know I need to email my therapist. My selfishness has taken over and I can't seem to want to stop with this "side guy."


Quoting Anonymous:

 


I'll Give you "insight" !!!   STOP IT & if you don't feel guilty, than You definitely need therapy


Quoting Anonymous:

I never said I feel guilty. That's one of the problems...that I DONT feel guilty. I'm not a child though, I know what selfishness is...and I'm not afraid to admit it. Hell yea I'm being selfish. Somehow I find some construed way to justify it though. I've been nothing but selfLESS for 6 yrs. Happily taking care of my children, husband and home. In fact, I still do all of that. I don't do this crap in front of my loved ones. I wait until I'm alone. Yes. I've brought strange men home...def not when my kids were home though. Yes, its still stupid and dangerous. I'm not dumb, I know that my actions could effect others.
I guess part of the reason why I confessed is so that I could opinions from people who don't know me. Perhaps give me some new insight....



Quoting Anonymous:


 



You feel So Guilty ,,that's  why you can't stop the insanity & self-destruction now? You want to do it Again & Again...That's what I call Selfish. confess to husband now & hurt him to ease your guilty conscience..I agree below w/ Anomymous..Get Real :(  ... Get divorce ( w/o telling him)  &  Get therapy.. I don't believe for one minute it is Depression but Childish & Stupid. Please Don't confess to us just to make yourself feel better... I don't want to hear it.



Quoting Anonymous:

You really don't love your husband or yourself. Do the both of you a favor divorce him and get yourself into therapy.


 



 





 


Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:55 AM

How old are you?  I'm going to venture to say you are nearing the late 30's, maybe early 40's?  You could be going through a mid-life crisis of your own.  Whatever is the issue, you really need to get to a therapist if you don't want to self-destruct or destroy your marriage.

Stop bringing men home.  It's downright dangerous!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:56 AM
Whore.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:07 AM
28


Quoting Melissa_4:

How old are you?  I'm going to venture to say you are nearing the late 30's, maybe early 40's?  You could be going through a mid-life crisis of your own.  Whatever is the issue, you really need to get to a therapist if you don't want to self-destruct or destroy your marriage.

Stop bringing men home.  It's downright dangerous!


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