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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My disgusting confession *Update*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
And no, I do not want a cookie. No, not yay me; and no, I'm not proud. I'm confessing here because no one knows IRL and I need to somehow get it out.

I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.

Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.

I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.

*update*
I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...
I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.
My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:41 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:21 AM
I do have a therapist that I stopped seeing last year. I've been thinking about emailing her....but I'm selfish because part of me doesn't want to stop right now


Quoting lunabella79:

His old affair is probably the reason you don't feel guilty. But there's probably an underlying reason why you're seeking the "attention" of other men. Can you see a therapist without dh's knowledge?



Quoting Anonymous:

Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way






Quoting Anonymous:

You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:22 AM
When your husband finds out, you'll be single and can sleep around all you like...

Leave the man since you don't respect him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:22 AM

Be careful of rape, STDs, etc.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:23 AM

I'm sorry but you do NOT love your husband.  At least not completely.  

Melbornj
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:24 AM
1 mom liked this

You truly DON'T love your husband no matter what you claim.  Loving someone means never hurting them in such a way.  You obviously love yourself more.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:26 AM
Its a weird feeling. I DO love him. When he's around, I feel great. We're affectionate and loving toward each other. Its very genuine. There could be a small part of me that has a lack of attraction and respect for him, but I do love him and know that he's going to remain my husband. I would never leave him for any of these men


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sorry but you do NOT love your husband.  At least not completely.  


kris0921
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:27 AM
I think you want something new. You have been in mom and wife mode for 10yrs now, and you want a different feeling. I don't think you are in love with your dh, if you were you would feel some type of guilt. (I did when I was emotionally cheating on my dh.) I think the only reason you are staying with him, is either your family or you feel too secure to leave. I hope for your sake your dh finds out so he can get your butt to counseling, if he doesnt leave you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:28 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel your pain. Have you forgiven him for his affair, honestly? Probably not. You need to work on spicing up your marriage if that's truly what you want.
Mom24munchkins
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:29 AM
This. Your poor husband.


Quoting Anonymous:

You really don't love your husband or yourself. Do the both of you a favor divorce him and get yourself into therapy.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:30 AM


So, is revenge sweet?

Quoting Anonymous:

Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way


Quoting Anonymous:

You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!



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