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Question for divorced moms

Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
Do you feel like having a children was a big part of why you and your so got divorced?

Sometimes I think if we didn't have dd my exdh and I might still be married. Of course I would never tell her this and I in no way blame her, she was just an infant, it was our fault. But having her put such a stress on our new marriage that we weren't ready for and didn't know how go handle. We both became so stressed. I used dd as my outlet and focused on her 100% neglecting him, and he used other women as his outlet, neglecting me and dd. Two years post divorce we are both the same people we were then. And we Def agree having a child within the first year of a marriage was a mistake.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:59 AM

Nope we were married 20 years and I know why we divorced-5 years of counseling and he refused to do what ALL of the counselors suggested. So i moved out and moved on.

by SakePrincess on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:00 AM

I think more people stay together because they share children than split apart because of their children.

by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:01 AM

Not divorced, but I know the pain. I thought we would be divorced...we had a baby and got married 2 weeks later and 9 months after that got pregnant with another and it was very stressful. Luckily, we were able to push through it and now we are very happy...12 years later.

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:03 AM

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Dh and I got pregnant two months after we were married, and little less than a year after we started dating. Ds was an "oops" baby. But he has only brought us closer together. We went through several job changes and struggles this year. I think after making it through this year, we can make it through anything.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:04 AM
No, he had been cheating since before we got married. I just happened to find out about it right after my babies were born.
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by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:07 AM

i dont think having the child caused the problem, I think you guys didn't have a strong enough relationship at the time and enough time alone to give the support needed to start a family.  I have two kids and feel the same way sometimes, a few months after having my oldest, things got bad between us and just kept getting worse.  We were only married for a year when my oldest was born, and things went from good to bad within months.  My ex went to women as well, it stinks, Im sorry you are going thru this, it has a lasting effect on both ur lives n ur child.  All the best, keep your head up!

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:07 AM
Yes & no. He was selfish anyways and the kids didn't drive him to do drugs. Having to have so much responsibility probably expedited the process.
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by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:12 AM
Nope. Our issue was his inability to keep his dick in his pants. Would turn me down for sex(I had to BEG for once a week, tops); all while trolling AOL groups, adult friend finder, and lastly, craigslist.
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by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:16 AM
I was married 10 years, when we had triplets. The triplets definitely led to our divorced. My DH couldn't handle the triplets, and I was completely consumed with the care of premature triplets. We pushed each other away. We divorced and then he realized how much he screwed up, we eventually got back together. The triplets are easier now, and he is much better with them. It took a lot of counseling, working on our relationship, and forgiveness to get to where we are now, but having the kids were a major factor in our divorce.
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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:21 AM

My DS was the only good thing I got from my previous marriage. We would have gotten divorced either way though.

If you guys still have that connection and it was the stress from having a child that pulled you apart, you might want to look into reconnecting, BUT you paying attention to your child (because you were doing what you were supposed to do) is no reason for him to cheat. DO NOT LET HIM FOOL YOU WITH THAT EXCUSE! A real man will find other outlets to channel their sexual energy until they can get you to see they feel neglected.

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