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Gparents-how far is too far?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Most grandparents spoil the grand kids. Okay that's all good and well, but how far is too far when it comes to the kids?
My parents are constantly going behind my back and doing things.
1)I don't feed my kids red meat. Personal choice.
EVERY time they visit nana and poppa? They have cheeseburgers ... Then I am the one dealing with upset tummies for 3 days when they come home.
2)my youngest is 3 mo. I am choosing not to feed him baby food until 6 months. I went to pick the kids up the other day, opened the fridge to get a water, and there in front of me were 5 jars opened baby food all different types... They didn't even follow the guidelines of one frut or veg at a time. So if he came home and had a severe allergic reaction? I wouldn't have known why.
3) I will sen the kids in one outfit, then see pics of them from that day, in a completely different outfit. That's just weird to me?
4) thy have re named all my kids. My sons "nickname" sounds completely like a girls name and he hates it. They refuse to call him by his name.
5) my mother has decided it would be 'cool' if my kids called HER mom too! Uhm WTF seriously...
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:14 PM
Replies (31-40):
lnr187
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:32 PM

 um those are all realy big issues to me! well at least the food and calling her mom thing... if it's making your kids sick (or even if it's not) you have every right to exclude red meat from your kid's diet and your mom should respect that. the baby food is a huge deal! that was unfair to not allow you to make those decisions with introducing 1 thing at a time, and what it would be and when! as far as the clothes, it's weird, but whatever. she thinks an outfit it cuter, then so be it. the nickname thing, i'd just let it go. if your son really hates it, encourage him to tell grandma that. he can say "please don't call me that, my name is xxxxx" or he can start calling her by her first name and see how she likes it. why do they refuse to call him by his name? it's yours and your dh choice as the parents to pick the name, and they need to respect that. i'd tell your mom that this stuff bothers you and why. tell her if she can't respect your wishes, then she won't be able to have them. she is literally making the kids sick and coul dhave made the baby sick, and is being direspectful with being "mom".

ilovemykids323
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:33 PM

 yeah i dont think i'd let my kids be around them especially a lone.

proudmommy690
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:34 PM
I wouldnt let my kids be unsupervised with them.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Emmakins84
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:34 PM
It is very frustrating! One just has to stand their ground. We as parents have rules, and they can't go messing that up. I know she hated when my grandma gave me coffee as a kid! Hopefully, the more she sees I'm not backing off, she'll understand she's going too far.


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't give my kids soda either. And my mom does the same thing about babying.. Sheesh.

My mom is on this diet that has proton shakes and vitamins in it and other things im not sure what they are an she gave one to my two yr old! I was really upset .... Because I don't know what those things are in it.

I hope things work out with your mom too! I know it's frustrating




Quoting Emmakins84:

Why is it grandparents think they can do what they want? I said no soda for my two year old, and they do it behind my back. I let my son when he's doing something bad, there goes my mom babying him and getting mad at me. Stand your ground. Take away visitation, if possible. You're the parent, not them.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:36 PM

Personally, I see these as varying levels of crossing a line.Here's what I think:

1)Explain you're reasoning for not feeding them red meat. It's different to just say "It's my personal choice/."  as opposed to "Please don't give them red meat, it upsets their tummies."

2)Again, explain in detail. Let them know about giving one food at a time in case of allergic reactions, and ask them to please hold off until a certain age.

3)I don't really see this as an issue as long as the clothes are appropriate. Yes, it's a little weird, but I really don't think it's worth an argument.

4) If your son hates the nickname, have him tell that to his grandparents. It will have more of an impact and they will be more likely to stop.

5) I actually see this as a big issue. There needs to be boundaries here. YOU are the mother, she is not. Even if (God forbid) something were to happen to you and she became their guardian, it would still be more appropriate to refer to her as Grandma (or whatever equivalent to grandmother they choose).

Like I said, just explain to them and give them your specific reasons on why these things bother you. Set some ground rules- no red meat, stop the nicknames, follow some specific guidelines for the baby food, etc. Give them a chance to follow your rules. If they still refuse to do this, then let them know you are no longer comfortable letting them spend time alone with the kids. Until they can agree to and abide by your rules, then the only time they will be able to see the kids is if you are present. Just don't take the kids away without giving the grandparents a chance, and both of you should be able to compromise. Remember, they were parents once, too, and their ways (at least in their eyes) worked just fine for them.

Good luck!

Bauxite-17
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:36 PM

Thats too much. I would be limiting visits...like a lot.

Always1222
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:37 PM

I think it's okay for grandparents to help with children and maybe do things special with them. However, they should not be going against your wishes to do so.....that is very disrepectful to you as a their parent. Their behavior could cause your kids to not view you as the authority figure since you are being undermined...

I would have a serious talk with them, especially about the 1, 2, and 5.....very uncool. 

If my parents were to do that, I would not be allowing my kids to visit them until they got their act together and act like "grandparents" instead of taking a parental role..

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:38 PM
Yeah I agree, the clothes thing just seems weird to me. I just don't get it. But whatever.
Yeah I'm SUPER pissed about the food.
My mom says the names she has given them (which are not their real names or even close) are 'special' to her? I don't really k ow what that means. He tells her allllll the time she just laughs it off and thinks he's kidding.
Oh something I forgot to post, my 2yo gets into everything obviously. Well they gave her a pill bottle with pennies in it to play with. I got reallllyy upset because both of them are on strong medications and if my 2yo gets into it by accident she will think its okay to play with and could take one by accident!
She finds pill bottles a lot and tries at their house. That's why they gave her the one to "play" with.
I just DONT UNDERSTAND.


Quoting lnr187:

 um those are all realy big issues to me! well at least the food and calling her mom thing... if it's making your kids sick (or even if it's not) you have every right to exclude red meat from your kid's diet and your mom should respect that. the baby food is a huge deal! that was unfair to not allow you to make those decisions with introducing 1 thing at a time, and what it would be and when! as far as the clothes, it's weird, but whatever. she thinks an outfit it cuter, then so be it. the nickname thing, i'd just let it go. if your son really hates it, encourage him to tell grandma that. he can say "please don't call me that, my name is xxxxx" or he can start calling her by her first name and see how she likes it. why do they refuse to call him by his name? it's yours and your dh choice as the parents to pick the name, and they need to respect that. i'd tell your mom that this stuff bothers you and why. tell her if she can't respect your wishes, then she won't be able to have them. she is literally making the kids sick and coul dhave made the baby sick, and is being direspectful with being "mom".


bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:39 PM

ya, they have gone a little tooo far imo

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:41 PM
I have tried to talk to my mom about all these issues. In a super nice way. And I think that's why I've finally blown up and posted to see if it was me or them.
Thank you for your advice and I will def try to use some of these methods


Quoting Anonymous:

Personally, I see these as varying levels of crossing a line.Here's what I think:

1)Explain you're reasoning for not feeding them red meat. It's different to just say "It's my personal choice/."  as opposed to "Please don't give them red meat, it upsets their tummies."

2)Again, explain in detail. Let them know about giving one food at a time in case of allergic reactions, and ask them to please hold off until a certain age.

3)I don't really see this as an issue as long as the clothes are appropriate. Yes, it's a little weird, but I really don't think it's worth an argument.

4) If your son hates the nickname, have him tell that to his grandparents. It will have more of an impact and they will be more likely to stop.

5) I actually see this as a big issue. There needs to be boundaries here. YOU are the mother, she is not. Even if (God forbid) something were to happen to you and she became their guardian, it would still be more appropriate to refer to her as Grandma (or whatever equivalent to grandmother they choose).

Like I said, just explain to them and give them your specific reasons on why these things bother you. Set some ground rules- no red meat, stop the nicknames, follow some specific guidelines for the baby food, etc. Give them a chance to follow your rules. If they still refuse to do this, then let them know you are no longer comfortable letting them spend time alone with the kids. Until they can agree to and abide by your rules, then the only time they will be able to see the kids is if you are present. Just don't take the kids away without giving the grandparents a chance, and both of you should be able to compromise. Remember, they were parents once, too, and their ways (at least in their eyes) worked just fine for them.

Good luck!


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