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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

blah HELP!!!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies
1 mom liked this
So I know this is the wrong place, but I also know y'all are relatively honest. So here goes nothing.



I'm pretty sure my husband hates me. But the issue is I don't know why. Recently a lot of things have changed for us. I went back to work after being a sahm for years, because he lost his job. We moved to a better house with less rent, but with roommates. And now he's taken on the role of sahd. Now I've only had my job for a few weeks, but I make fairly good money. I don't do much honestly. I just run the office at a temporary construction site. Thankfully the company I work for is great about ot, so I get a lot of it. And well I'm making more than my dh did at his hard labor job. Now suddenly everything I hear from him went from get a job, to you don't do shit at your job. Blah blah blah. Wtf. He gets mad that I work so much, then gets mad I don't work enough. He complains our DS is a pain in the ass, yet talked shit to me before when I sah and said ANYTHING about DS being a handful. I just can't win here. Not a damn thing I do is right. Yeah I get he's probably depressed. But really I'm sick of the put Downs. I'm tired of being told I'm a one way asshole, as an answer for everything. I just don't know wth to do here! How can I fix this? Or should I even try?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:15 AM
4 moms liked this
1) depression isn't a yadda yadda yadda thing
2) he most likely feels like crap about himself and is miserable at home
3) it sounds like he has issues with communication in general. I am guessing the name calling isn't totally new, just an upped frequency - I am also guessing you had some issues before you started working too
4) you need to sit down with him, and tell him how you feel, not in a list if why he is a crappy husband, but in a when you do x, I feel like Y kinda way
5) should you save your marriage, I don't know.
It sounds like you BOTH need to put in a lot of work on an individual level and partnered level to make things healthy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:24 AM
Honestly you're about dead on with everything. It's even obvious to me, I just don't know how to fix him. If that makes sense. I don't have the patients to coddle his every little crybaby whim. I don't have the time, especially not now to baby him when he's upset over something ridiculous. Believe me, I've tried the open ended talking with him. It gets me no where. I've flat asked him what am I doing wrong. I've told him how I feel, that I wish he'd just tell me what he wants so I can do it. And usually I get answers that aren't answers at all. He'll tell me quit being a "one way", or just say I'm a psycho bitch to him. But I'm not, I can't fix something that's not true.

Quoting Anonymous:

1) depression isn't a yadda yadda yadda thing

2) he most likely feels like crap about himself and is miserable at home

3) it sounds like he has issues with communication in general. I am guessing the name calling isn't totally new, just an upped frequency - I am also guessing you had some issues before you started working too

4) you need to sit down with him, and tell him how you feel, not in a list if why he is a crappy husband, but in a when you do x, I feel like Y kinda way

5) should you save your marriage, I don't know.

It sounds like you BOTH need to put in a lot of work on an individual level and partnered level to make things healthy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:29 AM
1 mom liked this
He is needs to feel like the man again. He needs to get a job. You need to talk with him about the put downs. Work on your marriage its worth iit.
MrsHMS
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:36 AM

I agree. Men know who they are as men by the job they have. He must feel like a looser so he feels the need to bring you down to his level. The problem is his. He needs to respect what he does. Being at work is tons easier for me but I get more satisfaction taking care of my kids. I think he's jealous of you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:38 AM

I kinda skimmed. He seems like a d bag. Sorry. Tell him how you feel and get in counseling. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:38 AM
Bump
Shermy
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:39 AM
Well, I think the biggest issue that you bring up is - you can't fix him. That isn't your job, or something you can do.

HE needs to fix him, and he needs to want to fix himself so you guys can work on your relationship.

Let's be honest, you could be a psycho bitch, you could pick and pick and pick at him until he doesn't want to open up to you because of how you approach him. You could fight an even fight with a vocabulary so colorful that it could make carnival blush. However, that, in theory, would be an issues for YOU to resolve on your own, because you are an adult, and him calling you a psycho bitch doesn't really do anything.

I would personally suggest talking to a therapist on your own so you have an unbiased 3rd party who can give you an alternative perspective. Help you lay out paths and help you figure out how approach the situation and any crossroads you may come to.


Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly you're about dead on with everything. It's even obvious to me, I just don't know how to fix him. If that makes sense. I don't have the patients to coddle his every little crybaby whim. I don't have the time, especially not now to baby him when he's upset over something ridiculous. Believe me, I've tried the open ended talking with him. It gets me no where. I've flat asked him what am I doing wrong. I've told him how I feel, that I wish he'd just tell me what he wants so I can do it. And usually I get answers that aren't answers at all. He'll tell me quit being a "one way", or just say I'm a psycho bitch to him. But I'm not, I can't fix something that's not true.



Quoting Anonymous:

1) depression isn't a yadda yadda yadda thing


2) he most likely feels like crap about himself and is miserable at home


3) it sounds like he has issues with communication in general. I am guessing the name calling isn't totally new, just an upped frequency - I am also guessing you had some issues before you started working too


4) you need to sit down with him, and tell him how you feel, not in a list if why he is a crappy husband, but in a when you do x, I feel like Y kinda way


5) should you save your marriage, I don't know.


It sounds like you BOTH need to put in a lot of work on an individual level and partnered level to make things healthy.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:41 AM
I think he is too. I know he feels inferior. But it's not my problem kwim? I've tried the typical being super supportive, and greatful. Boosting his ego and all that nonsense. He will tell me I either don't mean it, or I'm full of shit.

Quoting MrsHMS:

I agree. Men know who they are as men by the job they have. He must feel like a looser so he feels the need to bring you down to his level. The problem is his. He needs to respect what he does. Being at work is tons easier for me but I get more satisfaction taking care of my kids. I think he's jealous of you.

svolkov
by Emerald Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:44 AM
He can obviously tell you are full of it lol I can tell that by reading your responses. He needs to get a job end of story. He needs to feel needed loved and appreciated


Quoting Anonymous:

I think he is too. I know he feels inferior. But it's not my problem kwim? I've tried the typical being super supportive, and greatful. Boosting his ego and all that nonsense. He will tell me I either don't mean it, or I'm full of shit.



Quoting MrsHMS:

I agree. Men know who they are as men by the job they have. He must feel like a looser so he feels the need to bring you down to his level. The problem is his. He needs to respect what he does. Being at work is tons easier for me but I get more satisfaction taking care of my kids. I think he's jealous of you.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:45 AM
Sigh...
he really is. Not all the time, but seriously this shit is everyday lately. It makes me feel like such a fuck up. I can't be with our son, and now he's all bitter towards me too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I kinda skimmed. He seems like a d bag. Sorry. Tell him how you feel and get in counseling. 

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