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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is he ALLOWED

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Seriously ladies you want to know if you should ALLOW your DH/SO to do something.  Do you like asking for permission to do things you want? I guess because there is no jealous bone in my body that I could care less what my DH does.  He goes out with his friends every Saturday night.  He goes out for beers after work and doesn't tell me all the time.  If he is not home for dinner I just pop a plate in the fridge for him.  I don't feel the need to call or text him if he is late coming home and I don't ask him where he has been.  But he usually tells me once he gets home.  I trust him 100% if I didn't I wouldn't be with him.  It just makes me laugh that many of actually expect your DH/SO to ask permission.  Its a relationship between two adults.  They are not your children! If I were as controlling as that he would have left awhile back.  And if he were that controlling I would have left too!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM

exactly! if something comes up or plans change, we call to let the other know out of common courtesy.

Quoting sjenkins8208:


We don't "allow" each other to do anything. We do RESPECT each other enough to call and say we won't be home though.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM

I agree.  I don't "allow" my dh to do his things, just as he does not "allow" me to do my thing.  It's called trust and communication.  DH will try to call/text if he's going to be late from work.  Sometimes he doesn't.  If it gets too late, I'll call just to make certain he's okay, not to "check up" on him.  We tell each other where we're going and with whom if we're not going out together.   If there is something that one of us is not comfortable with the other doing, we discuss it.  One of us may say "I would prefer if you didn't do that/ go there"  but we don't "forbid" or "allow" each other.  

goodmama85
by Diamond Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM


Quoting Ollie123:

Agreed!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AleaKat
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM
Exactly.
Common courtesy says to call home and check in real quick .


Quoting sjenkins8208:

We don't "allow" each other to do anything. We do RESPECT each other enough to call and say we won't be home though.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
motherslove82
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM

I don't ALLOW or not allow him to do things. I do let him know where I'm going and he does the same. It's about mutual respect and so we don't worry if one of us is not where the other thought they would be. If I have a problem with him doing something (which almost never happens), I will tell him. Then he can decide it he wants to do it anyway. It's the same if he has a problem with something I want to do.


I have a question. If your DH was in a car accident on the way home, or if something else happened to him, how would you know to look for him? You would probably just assume he went out with friends after work. DH used to be bad about going off after work, but I'm a worrier, so I asked him to please let me know (we would talk on the phone, he would say he was on the way home, then impulsively stop somewhere. An hour later, when he still hadn't shown up, I would start to worry that something had happened.). I have always let him know. It's not about being controlling. I don't care if he goes off with friends or stops to look at a store. I just want to know that he is ok so that I don't worry.

SaGe_Ed
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM

So, if he's hours late after work and you've gotten no phone call, you don't worry about him?  Think maybe something is wrong?  It's not about asking permission, it's about the common courtesy of letting each other know where we are and what we're doing so the other doesn't worry.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM

AMEN!!

Quoting .oOMellyOo.:

Oh goodie another judgemental post on CM.... how original.

DH respects me so he calls ahead to let me know his plans, it doesn't mean he's "not allowed" or "asking permission". It has nothing to do with trust, it has everything to do with respect. Besides, he would rather be home with his family rather than at some dingy bar paying for overpriced beer :)


Cmgmqmmom
by Sass Queen on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I don't expect for him to ask for permission, nor do I expect to ask for his. I do expect that out of courtesy for me, he let me know if he is going to be late or if he plans on going out. I don't care if he does unless we already have plans, but we share an outlook calendar so this is usually not an issue. I'm not his keeper.

AmaliaD
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM

i trust my dh 100% too but he is also my best friend so i would feel dissed by your situation.    dh doesnt ask permission to do anything.   i dont get that either.    but i wouldnt stay with someone who didnt want to hang out with me,  or prefered his friends over me - too often.   i am not jealous,   i am just a pair bonder -   i was that way with best friends growing up,   they can have other lives,  other friends,   but if they dont want to choose me over other people,  eventually i move on.

LovelyMommy24
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM

Eh, our life is much different than yours. We have young children, neither of us go out to the bars. We do basically everything as a family. If he wasn't going to be home for dinner, no matter what the reason, I know he would call to tell me.

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