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BM and DH are both angry with me EDITED TO ADD

Posted by Anonymous
  • 128 Replies
2 moms liked this

BM called DH last night, crying asking if there was anyway he could pick up SD last night because SD has been a little hellion lately. Well we both had to work today, and since she lives with her mom during the week, and DS goes to daycare, we don't have a sitter that we could just drop her off to.

So DH asks me if I can call off, because I have personal time and he doesn't. I tell him no that I cannot because I'm taking Friday off and I have a stack of stuff on my desk that needs done by the end of the week. ( I'm at work, on lunch right now )

So he gets mad, because I refuse to call off. He tells BM that he will pick SD up tonight after work. So I ask him if he's taking the day off on Friday - and he says "No, you're off" Yes, yes I am. However, I have to go to City Hall, Social Security Office, The BMV, the community college, go to T-Mobile to have my phone fixed, go to the clinic to pick up DS's prescription, and pick you up from work by 3. DS is going to daycare, I am not toting kids around with me tomorrow.

So he had to call BM and tell her that I'm too busy. She flipped out on him, and now they are both mad at me. I don't really care. If BM needs a sitter, BM could have asked her mom, dh's mom, her step mom, dh's step mom, dh's sister, her down stairs neighbor, or even asked me.

If DH wanted to provide a sitter, he could have asked his mom, my mom, his sister, his step mom, my sister, my sister in law, DS's back up sitter, or even asked me

If he had thought to ask me, instead of just assuming that I would take my day off to take care of his kid, that her own mother needs a break from, then maybe I'd be more willing to help.

This happens every time I take a Friday or a Monday off to get stuff done. He thinks I'm suppossed to jump at the chance to help out BM. I did not have a kid with BM - you did. You two need to figure it out. 

I did tell him that I would pick her up at 2, before I come get him, if he really wanted me to. But that I'm not making her get up at 6 AM, when she sleeps till 9 most days and dragging her around the city with me, when she already told YOU that she doesn't want to spend time with YOU - she certainly doesn't want to spend the time with me, and therefore she's going to act out.

DH had to beg her to come over - which is so stupid. Whos' the parent? But he gets her to agree to come for her time, by bribing her with daddy/daughter date - and then wants me to have to deal with her attitude when he's not taking her on that date and is instead working ?

I am not doing it.

Of course, I hate when people are upset with me, because I question if I'm doing something wrong. It would be different if he enforced to her that I am an authority figure, but he doesn't. So in turn, she treats me like crap, like she doesn't have to listen to anything I say because if I enforce a rule, she cries and he gives her her way - so she knows she doesn't have to listen to me

Ugh sorry - this turned into a vent


Whoa, I just peeked back in because I'm really upset that they think they have a right to be mad at me.

To clarify

SD is 5 - she is not in kindergarten yet

BM is a stay at home mom so she and SD stay up late and get up really late so SD is not going to want to get up with us at 6 AM, because I have to drop DH off at work.

SD does not want to even spend time with her dad she certainly doesn't want to spend time with me

I am sending my own child to daycare, so why would I want to drag another child through all the crap I have to do that most adults hate doing

I do have personal time and lots of it, I do not however have time to reschedule this. DS's prescription has to be picked up, it cannot be called in. He has to have it tomorrow. I have to get my license renewed, I have to go to city hall - If I don't do these things, I put my job and my child's health at risk

The shoe has been on the other foot plenty of times and you know what, as a mother, I've dealt with my child. BM or DH as her parents need to deal with it.

I want a break too, but SD comesa over EVERY WEEKEND, so I never get a break EVER because even if I got a sitter for DS we are not going to ship SD off to a sitter when she's only here two days a week

BM gets a break EVERY WEEKEND - I'm sorry, but I'm not too concerned

and DH could have taken tomorrow off as well, it just would have cut into his spending money because he doesn't have any paid time off

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Jamie on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:06 AM
I dont blame you. I hate when people just assume shit
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM
6 moms liked this

I agree with you here. BM wanted a break, but don't we all sometimes? However, we don't always get them either. She didn't even have something important to do; she just wanted a break. You are already busy. They can figure it out.

by Ashley on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM
I don't blame you. I probably would've given in. Good for you for standing your ground. How old is sd?
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by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM
I don't blame. You. Have you talked to du about backing you up and asking?
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:11 AM
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Wow.  How inconsiderate on his part.  He should have at least asked.  Normally I think that if a SM doesn't want to babysit 'his kid' then she shouldn't have married him.  It's just part of the package, you know.  However, it doesn't sound like he makes her listen to you like a parent so why should you put yourself through that.

by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:13 AM

How old is your step daughter?

Holy shit I would be unhappy if my husband let his daughter act like that to me and then putting birth mom's feelings over mine

by the sauce is boss on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:15 AM
Poor kid.

I agree with you not calling off....our toting her around the city...
But still, poor kid.
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Oh hell no, they need to buck up and handle their kid!
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM
I dont blame you I couldn't imagine being mad at my xh wife because I needed a break and she didn't take off that's just ridiculous If she needs a break so bad there is no reason she couldn't hire a sitter for the day.
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:24 AM
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He had a kid with her but you married him and now his kid is your kid too in a way. You are showing your Dh that you don't feel bad about not helping out with his kid. If the shoe was on the other foot you would be upset too. You are acting like you don't want to be bothered with his kid. IMO that makes you a crappy SM.
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