Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

DH took part of my income tax refund to pay his child support

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I got my income tax refund yesterday. I have 3 kids and my refund was just over $7000. Anyway, me and DH keep our finances separate, that was the agreement we made when we got married, once the youngest child turns 18 (we don't have any together) we will put our money together. Until then, we split the bills fairly, I pay more because my kids live with us full time while his are here every other weekend.

DH is having a hard time lately, he was working overtime, 60 hours a week. Then. 8 months ago his boss told him he could no longer work overtime. He looked for a second job but hasn't been able to find one that would allow him to keep working his first. His CS was based on him working overtime so he tried to have it lowered in court. The judge told him that he would lower it to account for what he was actually making for 6 months but after that, it would go back. The judge said that after a year, if he can prove he attempted to get more hours or  a better paying job, he would lower it but that means there will be 6 months where he is paying more then half of what he makes in CS/ So now he is back to working based on making overtime but he is lucky to be getting 30 hours a week. He is still looking for a second job or a new full time job but he hasn't been able to find anything.

Over the past 2 months, he has gotten behind in child support despite the fact that I have taken over a good portion of the of the bills. He has talked to child support enforcement and told them his situation. They are not going to take his license nor will he face jail time over it since he is paying what he can. The order is $1300 a month, he is only making $2500 (the order was based on him making over $5000 a month. But still he feels bad that in January, he could only pay $600 and February, he could only pay $700 leaving him behind $1300. He also knows that he won't be able to make the full payment next month.

I told him that since he won't get in trouble legally, he will be fine and morally, he shouldn't have to pay that much because he is no longer making that amount but I know he still feels bad, his ex is being a bitch about it, for years, she has gotten a shit ton of money for 2 kids because he made a good amount, now that he is not making much, she still expects him to pay the same, she won't work with him at all.

This morning, I looked online at my account, and guess what,  $1000 is missing (you can only take out $1000 a day from the ATM). I was about to call the bank but then I checked my night stand and saw that my extra debit card was missing. I asked DH and he admitted that he took the money.

I was furious with him and to make matters worse, he tried to turn it on me, saying that I was being selfish not to help his kids. He was the one who insisted we keep our money separate when we got married, of course that was when he was making twice what I make. I am seriously considering filing for divorce, it's not even about the money so much anymore but the fact that he STOLE from me.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:27 PM
Replies (41-50):
Buggy979
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:44 PM
Oh filing mfs sucks cause you don't get the tax credit like eic.. make him pay it off with lots of sex. . Lol
Quoting Anonymous:

Separate




Quoting Buggy979:

Did you file separate or joint?




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:45 PM
3 moms liked this
If it was me i wouldve gave him money to catch up. Geez dont you love him?
tossed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this

This is the second time you have posted about finances with this situation. The vow you took is for better or for worse. This is a tough situation for him. His kids have had a certain standard of living, so I can understand why the ex would have a hard time with suddenly changing their standard of living. I think that if you can share your money with him until he is back on his feet, it is a wifely thing to do. His taking the debit card shows how desperate he feels. He can't meet his obligation to his kids or to you. The judge heard the case and issued a ruling and it is not up to you to determine that his ex is getting too much money. I am trying to figure out what bills or portions of bills he can't pay on his $1200 a month if you have picked up, according to you, more than his share of bills. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Of course I love him, I love my children too, I am not going to give away money I need for them for give to DH's ex



Quoting Anonymous:

If it was me i wouldve gave him money to catch up. Geez dont you love him?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:46 PM
2 moms liked this

I would have never agreed for the money to be seperate in the first place.  It shows major trust issues and that its not really one family, but two cohabitating.  Why get married in the first place?  Just live to gether and keep things more simple and defined since you aren't living in the spirit of marriage of "whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine.  So... if you if he didn't trust you enough to let you be in his finances in the beginning, it speaks volumes to his character.  

I think it would be wise to get into marriage counseling.  There are much bigger issues with trust and boundaries than just this $1000.  The money isn't the problem.  Its a symptom of a problem  

kelly617
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:47 PM
2 moms liked this

I totally agree with you..its not the money...its that he went behind your back, didn't ask and STOLE it....I'm not sure I could get over something like that...
I DEF wouldnt' ever put my money with his...and I'd be hiding my debit cards for damn sure

Why should you help pay for his kids..they aren't your kids!! If he had asked..sure maybe if you could afford it...but he didnt' ask...fuck that
I'm sorry

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:47 PM

So how did you get the $7k refund soley if he's your husband? You either had to file jointly (and it would be his too) OR you had to do married filing seperate....And if you file MFS you wouldn't get any EIC (assuming you qualify).

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank goodness that the law does not agree. :-)

Quoting Anonymous:

As far as I'm concerned, when you marry someone and you KNOW they have children, you take on those responsibilities for those children. If you don't like it, don't marry the dude.

ms-superwoman
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:48 PM
4 moms liked this

I think it is fucked up that your husband is in a bind and you could help him but didn't. I really don't care if you agreed to keep everything separate. He is hurting and you are worried about getting a new computer? Are you kidding me? When you marry a man with a family, you marry the family. Stop being a selfish bitch and take care of your damn family.

SaraD1989
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I think this is something I'd file for divorce over too.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)