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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do you want to know why people always say homeschooled children aren't socialized?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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It's because many of us know homeschool children who are very awkward socially. 

In my experience it's harder for home schooled children to learn social cues. I've dealt with many who don't know when it's appropriate to talk and don't understand what kind of information is appropriate for specific settings. They also tend to be more focused on their end of the conversation spending more time talking and showing very little interest in what others have to say. Of course this is a generalization, but I can think of many children it's true for.  It seems to me the greater amount of time with the mother gives the child the expectation that every situation should be centered around him or her. By not being part of a community on a regular basis they seem to be missing out on the concept that conversations are back and forth sharing of ideas. When I talk to my kids it's generally all about them. So it makes sense that kids don't spend as much time away from parents would expect all conversations to be like this.

I'm not saying they don't have friends or don't know how to play with other kids. Those aren't the only social skills kids use.  


To be clear, I am not saying all home schooled children are awkward. But I have noticed this particular personality trait over and over again in kids who have been homeschooled. 

Who knows, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe being focused on themselves helps them be more successful in life. 

But every time a homeschool post comes up all the home school moms laugh at the whole idea that home school kids need social interaction.  Has it ever occurred to you people assume that because they've seen it?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:02 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:08 AM
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We're homeschoolers. I don't know one homeschool family who is t actively involved in the community. Sports, church, field trip groups. Sure, my kids don't raise their hands and wait for someone to dictate when they can and cannot speak. They do, however, know to wait for a pause in conversation and interrupt with, "excuse me." They also feel it is appropriate to interject their ideas and opinions pertaining to a current conversation.... I guess that's weird and "unsocialized?

My time is also not entirely focused in my children. I have responsibilities outside of their education, and they see that. Teaching them IS my first priority, but not my only.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:13 AM

Okay.  I homeschool my DS and I kind of agree with you.  I have noticed that with other homeschooled children and DH and I have noticed that with our son.  We have also noticed that our son does not necessarily do well with other adults in "teacher" roles.  I have noticed this in his extra curricular activities.  He tends to want to lead the class rather than follow the teacher's instruction.  We feel fortunate that he is homeschooled for 1/2 a day and attends public school 1/2 a day and has improved.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:18 AM
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Quoting Anonymous:

Okay.  I homeschool my DS and I kind of agree with you.  I have noticed that with other homeschooled children and DH and I have noticed that with our son.  We have also noticed that our son does not necessarily do well with other adults in "teacher" roles.  I have noticed this in his extra curricular activities.  He tends to want to lead the class rather than follow the teacher's instruction.  We feel fortunate that he is homeschooled for 1/2 a day and attends public school 1/2 a day and has improved.

I am so impressed with your honesty. 

Kudos to you for being honest enough with yourself to see that. Your son is a lucky boy!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:18 AM

My nephew HAD to be homeschooled because he was so difficult and socially awkward.But I don't think home schooling causes it necessarily.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:20 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

We're homeschoolers. I don't know one homeschool family who is t actively involved in the community. Sports, church, field trip groups. Sure, my kids don't raise their hands and wait for someone to dictate when they can and cannot speak. They do, however, know to wait for a pause in conversation and interrupt with, "excuse me." They also feel it is appropriate to interject their ideas and opinions pertaining to a current conversation.... I guess that's weird and "unsocialized?

My time is also not entirely focused in my children. I have responsibilities outside of their education, and they see that. Teaching them IS my first priority, but not my only.

This has nothing to do with raising hands. It has to do with having an interest in other people and be respectful and interested when other people are talking. 

At any given moment can your kids talk to you while you're at home? I know mine can. Whenever they want they can shift my focus right back to them. That's how it works at home.

fraujones
by Mommytron on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:25 AM
There are poorly socialized homeschooled kids. It's not just a myth. I was one of them. I was very socially immature when I got to college.

I'll be a later with links from others like me.
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seemommyrun
by Sue daNim on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:27 AM

 I've also noticed the same social awkwardness in kids that do nothing but study.  We know several families whose children are expected to not only attend school all day, but to also attend study groups/learning academies after school every day.  They are pushed to excel in academics and /or music only, and that seems to lead to a very insular lifestyle with little or no spontaneous interaction with peers.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:29 AM


I'm not the anon you quoted, I'm the other anon:). But I would say in a simplistic sense it is about raising hands.  In a traditional school setting, students learn that their peer's answers/input is just as important as their own.  In a homeschool setting, especially where there is only one child being homeschooled, it is only their answer that is important.

I love homeschooling and I find it frustrating to try to defend it but at the same time, as with any school situation, it does have it's challenges and I think you have expressed well what one of those challenges is:)

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

We're homeschoolers. I don't know one homeschool family who is t actively involved in the community. Sports, church, field trip groups. Sure, my kids don't raise their hands and wait for someone to dictate when they can and cannot speak. They do, however, know to wait for a pause in conversation and interrupt with, "excuse me." They also feel it is appropriate to interject their ideas and opinions pertaining to a current conversation.... I guess that's weird and "unsocialized?

My time is also not entirely focused in my children. I have responsibilities outside of their education, and they see that. Teaching them IS my first priority, but not my only.

This has nothing to do with raising hands. It has to do with having an interest in other people and be respectful and interested when other people are talking. 

At any given moment can your kids talk to you while you're at home? I know mine can. Whenever they want they can shift my focus right back to them. That's how it works at home.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:39 AM

It seems like (at least on CM) moms who homeschool are so hell bent on telling everyone how wonderful it is that they aren't willing to admit there are any issues with it at all. 

I don't think any educational model is perfect. Pretend what your doing for your kids has no down sides just isn't good for your kids. 

So again, I really admire you open mind and honesty here and with your yourself. 

Quoting Anonymous:


I'm not the anon you quoted, I'm the other anon:). But I would say in a simplistic sense it is about raising hands.  In a traditional school setting, students learn that their peer's answers/input is just as important as their own.  In a homeschool setting, especially where there is only one child being homeschooled, it is only their answer that is important.

I love homeschooling and I find it frustrating to try to defend it but at the same time, as with any school situation, it does have it's challenges and I think you have expressed well what one of those challenges is:)

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

We're homeschoolers. I don't know one homeschool family who is t actively involved in the community. Sports, church, field trip groups. Sure, my kids don't raise their hands and wait for someone to dictate when they can and cannot speak. They do, however, know to wait for a pause in conversation and interrupt with, "excuse me." They also feel it is appropriate to interject their ideas and opinions pertaining to a current conversation.... I guess that's weird and "unsocialized?

My time is also not entirely focused in my children. I have responsibilities outside of their education, and they see that. Teaching them IS my first priority, but not my only.

This has nothing to do with raising hands. It has to do with having an interest in other people and be respectful and interested when other people are talking. 

At any given moment can your kids talk to you while you're at home? I know mine can. Whenever they want they can shift my focus right back to them. That's how it works at home.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:40 AM

Who said homeschool kids aren't good kids with boundaries and manners?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, actually they can't. If they are working on individual assignments they have to wait until they're finished to chat with me. If they have a question, obviously they can come and ask, but school time is school time. If in working with someone else, they know to wait until I am done to come to me. My children a more pretty self sufficient, and know to move in to something else until I can help them. When I am working, which I do from home, they KNOW to ask their dad for anything they need, same as when I am doing school prep.

My kids are respectful and considerate. Being taught at home does not lead them to believe that the world revolves around them. They wait their turn just fine and play well with their sports teams. My oldest plays basketball at the high school, even... She does quite well "socializing" with other kids who are on different educational paths.

The thing people don't understand is that a homeschool family's household does not operate the same as yours. Out time is balanced differently; our rules are different. I expect my children to treat others they way they wish to be treated. Not having a traditions educations setting does not change that they are good kids with boundaries and manners.



Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

We're homeschoolers. I don't know one homeschool family who is t actively involved in the community. Sports, church, field trip groups. Sure, my kids don't raise their hands and wait for someone to dictate when they can and cannot speak. They do, however, know to wait for a pause in conversation and interrupt with, "excuse me." They also feel it is appropriate to interject their ideas and opinions pertaining to a current conversation.... I guess that's weird and "unsocialized?



My time is also not entirely focused in my children. I have responsibilities outside of their education, and they see that. Teaching them IS my first priority, but not my only.

This has nothing to do with raising hands. It has to do with having an interest in other people and be respectful and interested when other people are talking. 

At any given moment can your kids talk to you while you're at home? I know mine can. Whenever they want they can shift my focus right back to them. That's how it works at home.


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