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Please read & let me know if I'm being a jerk

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Question: Am I being petty for having negative feelings towards my brother for wanting to name his daughter after our dead mother because my daughter was named after her already?




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 My Mom died very suddenly at age 51 when I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter. I had a name picked out long before she passed away but my husband and I decided to change it to Kimberlee (My Mom's name was Kimberly, but I have a thing with naming my kids in different ways. My first daughter's name is Emalee lol) 

My oldest brother was in jail at the time. He just got out and got his ex-girlfriend (who doesn't get along with him or anyone in my family) pregnant again. It wasn't intentional on his end. His ex is going to find out the sex of the baby on Saturday. She told me that my brother is insisting on naming the baby Kimberly if its a girl. This is where the conflict starts. 

We aren't fighting, just having a disagreement & I want to know if I'm in the wrong. If the majority of you say I am I'll drop it lol. 

My point is that they will be first cousins and its going to be weird. I wanted to name her Hailey at one point but members of my family (including my Mom) talked me out of it because my sister's daughter's name is Hailey & it was tacky to repeat the name. 

I know this isn't the same case because we are all honoring my Mom, but I can't help but feel pissy about it. The ironic thing is that I had a previous name picked out for my daughter all the way up until the day after my Mom died. Even then I was on/off with it all the way to the minute I filled out her name info at the hospital because I was close with my Mom and I was afraid it would be a daily "sting" so to speak. It was hard at first but now I can't imagine my KImee baby being anyone other then Kimee :) The only reason I did settle on naming her Kimberlee was because I wanted to honor my Mom (plus she had been hinting around towards naming the baby after her while she was alive lol) & didn't think anyone else would do it. Hell, I found out my neice was pregnant a week before I had Kimee and tried to con her into naming her baby Kimee if it was a girl so I wouldn't feel obligated too. Now I feel completely different and I'm happy & proud of my daughter's name <3 

Please be kind and not give snarky comments. Its a touchy subject but I wanted to get fellow Mommy opinions on it, not be bashed for anything I have shared with you. 

Thank you in advance ladies :)

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:39 AM

No, I know I have no claim to the name and anyone can name their children anything they want. I don't mean to be a snarky &*#&@ and he knows that. If this had been a family member a little more distant I'm sure I would not feel this way. The only reason why I'm weirded out by it is because they are first cousins and will see each other very often. 

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

Really there is nothing wrong with it.You do not have a claim to the name no one does.If that is what he likes and it makes him happy than leave it alone.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you're being a jerk because it would be normal to have those feelings, I do think its something that shouldn't case tension in the family though. I think the intentions are nice enough for everybody to just deal with it and let it go. 10 years from now the girls will probably think its cool that they have the same name and even cooler that they're both named after a woman who was obviously very influential to both of their parents.

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Lol your probably right. & if its a boy (he already has two) we will both laugh about this whole thing. I'm feeling more guilty about feeling the way I do the more I read some of the awesome points all you Mama's are making. 

Quoting LovelyMommy24:

I wouldn't be letting any harsh feelings come out from it. Besides, they'll probably end up having a boy and all this getting worked up would be for nothing. 

My thoughts on it are this, my daughters middle name is after my great grandmother. One of my great aunts was rude to me when I named her that because her daughter was childless and she wanted her daughter to use that name. My opinion, I want to honor my great grandmother, the more that honor her the merrier. I could care less if someone else uses the name or not. It's a lovely name and she was a lovely grandma. 

by Silver Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM

 I would let her name  her child whatever she wants to. Your daughter's is spelled differently and in your post you call her Kimee should be fine.

by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM

The family's favorite uncle passed away in 2008.  Two of his nieces (my cousin and I) got pregnant shortly after he passed.  We both named our children Benjamin, after our uncle. 

Mine goes by Ben, hers goes by a nickname.

by spitfire_bobbie on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM

Can't he use her middle name?

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM
My x sil had a son named James Nicholas, but they called him Nickie. She had named him after her dad. When I got pregnant with our second boy we weaned to name him James Paul after our grandpas's, and she got mad because I was naming him that and started caging he son James. She tried to make my mom take her side this was a major deal until she and my brother broke up. Don't make this about you, when it's to honor your mom.
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by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM
I love the name Zachary but my sister named her son that so I've never even seriously considered using the name for my first son or baby #2 who is due in April... They should find a different nameļ¼Œ or maybe use it as a midle name
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by Buzz Lightyear on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:44 AM

she never made a big deal about it. if I had to guess, she was very 'meh' about it.

on my father's side, they name a male from every generation 'klaas' after some relative or another from back in the day but I only know from my grandfather down. my oma called my opa "klaas, my uncle's name is klaas (he goes by nick - his middle name), my cousin's name is klaas (he goes by Marco - again a middle name), and my oldest's middle name is Klaas in honour of that style, but we gave him an original first name, so that he wouldn't have issues with his name and his legal name. it's kind of the same thing, none of them feel weird having the same name :)

Quoting egbkeb:

Thank you for your opinion :) Did your mom ever say anything about how she felt about "sharing" a name with 3 other cousins? Our kids will be around each other very often, it would be nice to know a preview of how my daughter might feel when she's older and hangs out with her cousin. 

Quoting bustybee:

I do think you have the right to feel like they should name their baby something else if she is a girl, but you do have to realize that in some cultures/countries it is normal to name your children after your parents. for example, my mother has some 3 first cousins with the same name as her... the name of their grandmother.


by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Personally, I would let it go. My father and brother are/were both Jack Sandford/Sandy respectively. They both go/went by their middle names (Sandy is short for Sandford) and my grandfater was also a Jack. When I was pregnant with my first son, I had a chat with my brother and told him I knew it was his 'right' or 'duty' or whatever to name his son Jack (X) but would he mind if I named my son Jack as well. He laughed and said he didnt care. Im very glad I did because my brother died twelve days before my second son was born and never had a chance to have his own son. My second son also has his name, Sandy, as one of his middle names. My perspective on honoring the dead is to use what feels right. I do understand your opinion, being annoyed, but try to imagine your mom would be happy about it?

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