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There is no such thing as an Illegitimate child

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There are only illegitimate parents. If you had a child out of wedlock, don't feel shame. What is there to feel shameful of? You have a beautiful child. We need to put the days of slut-shaming behind us. The days of back alley abortions, unlawful adoptions, and marrying because you HAD to should be put to rest. There was no golden era of moral superiority. There was merely an era of secrecy, shame, and chastising. Yes, this post was in response to a very nasty, hate filled post.

Густа ми магла паднала, на тој ми рамно Косово! Ништа се живо не види, до једно дрво високо. Под њег` ми седив терзије, они ми шијев јелече.Колко су дзвезде на небо,Толко су шарке на њега.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:35 AM
Replies (151-159):
one_on_the_way
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting HousewifeNina:

Or women could start being far more responsible and stop bringing babies into the world before its a good idea.
Or women could insist on condoms.
Or women could not procreate with losers or men they havent known long enough to know whther or not they are losers.

Women control thw uterus and need to be more responsible.

Eh --- if I did all that, my awesome son wouldn't be here today.  And he was most certainly a good idea to bring into this world.  Everything happens for a reason....and I know everything in my life was leading up to me being my son's mother just as everything in your life was leading up to you being your child(ren)'s mother.  We are both mothers who love our children and our children have every right to be here regardless of yours or my marital status.


bayliesmommy
by Ashley on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:25 PM
I dont plan on ever getting married.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
PROGENITOR
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 4:30 PM

 I think the intention of having a child is more important than marital status. There are few legit reasons for unintended pregnancy.

My SS has felt like he was a mistake becuase he knows he was not made on purpose.

I'd rather my child be the intended product of me and the father even if we were not married vs. "oh shit, I'm pregnant!" married or not.

ErikaRobin
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:20 AM

I think you forgot where you are.  lol.


Quoting kansasmom1978:

I mean if we would stop judging, stop thinking we are better, or know better than everyone we would be better off. No one needs judgement. We need understanding, acceptance and love. But people are so hell bent on tearing others down for their own pleasure. 


Quoting mich.el.le:


Quoting kansasmom1978:

I was giving the benefit of the doubt. I've been with one man and he's my husband. Our son was born out of wedlock. I refused to get married just because I was married. I think if people worried more about themselves than everyone else our world would be a better place.


Quoting mich.el.le:


Quoting kansasmom1978:

A lot of times you don't realize the man is a loser before you sleep with him. Sometimes the situation changes. And always YOU dont' have the right to judge.


Quoting HousewifeNina:

Or women could start being far more responsible and stop bringing babies into the world before its a good idea.

Or women could insist on condoms.

Or women could not procreate with losers or men they havent known long enough to know whther or not they are losers.



Women control thw uterus and need to be more responsible.




If women wouldn't jump into bed with every hairy dick named Tom, there would be far less ''bait and switch'' relationships/babies. 

To be clear, I think shaming people for having children out of wedlock is ridiculous, but come on..don't make the woman out to be a victim of some scheming horrible male who only pretended to be a good guy. 


I disagree with you. I tend to think the opposite. If people would care more about others, but honestly care and have compassion, the world would be a better place. 




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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:25 AM
I had a child out of wedlock and I am ashamed. I wasn't raised like that and if my dad were alive he'd be disappointed as I'm sure all my family is. We're engaged now but still. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:45 AM
I see you don't believe in personal responsibility.......she does make some valid points.

Quoting 5PointedHuman:

Or you could stop being a part of the problem
Or just keep your silly opinions to yourself. 



Quoting HousewifeNina:

Or women could start being far more responsible and stop bringing babies into the world before its a good idea.

Or women could insist on condoms.

Or women could not procreate with losers or men they havent known long enough to know whther or not they are losers.



Women control thw uterus and need to be more responsible.




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:12 AM

I don't like the term illegitimate being applied to children solely because they were born out of wedlock.  It's mean and outdated.  Children have no control over the circumstance of their birth and shouldn't bear the brunt of any moral judgment or burden.  That said, it seems that a large instance of these births appear to happen because no real thought was put into the situation before the couple jumped into bed.  I think it's one thing to have a surprise baby, when you did everything right birth control wise and a baby happens anyway or that one time the moment gets away from you.  It seems though that is not the norm, it's jump into bed and think of the consequences later, like being tied to someone you find out was a loser after the pregnancy happens because you didn't bother to get to know hiim first, or the lifelong committment of being a parent and the financial responsibility that is.  I think those are what people take excpetion to on this subject.  The fact is women need to be responsible for their body and fertility and use common sense before reproducing with every guy they sleep with.  Women before us fought a long battle for the basic right to birth control and other choices.  It's a slap in the face to them that so many just don't bother to think.

If you just don't ever want to be married but know you want to have a child and are stable and able to care for the child without having the have the help of a husband, well that is different altogether and I don't think it falls into the same category as, "it just happened" or the far too popular on CM "the pill, condom, IUD, etc., failed".  I mean it happens but not nearly the extent posters on here like to claim. 

kansasmom1978
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:20 PM

LOL that's what happens when I am responding to two posts lol


Quoting ErikaRobin:

I think you forgot where you are.  lol.


Quoting kansasmom1978:

I mean if we would stop judging, stop thinking we are better, or know better than everyone we would be better off. No one needs judgement. We need understanding, acceptance and love. But people are so hell bent on tearing others down for their own pleasure. 


Quoting mich.el.le:


Quoting kansasmom1978:

I was giving the benefit of the doubt. I've been with one man and he's my husband. Our son was born out of wedlock. I refused to get married just because I was married. I think if people worried more about themselves than everyone else our world would be a better place.


Quoting mich.el.le:


Quoting kansasmom1978:

A lot of times you don't realize the man is a loser before you sleep with him. Sometimes the situation changes. And always YOU dont' have the right to judge.


Quoting HousewifeNina:

Or women could start being far more responsible and stop bringing babies into the world before its a good idea.

Or women could insist on condoms.

Or women could not procreate with losers or men they havent known long enough to know whther or not they are losers.



Women control thw uterus and need to be more responsible.




If women wouldn't jump into bed with every hairy dick named Tom, there would be far less ''bait and switch'' relationships/babies. 

To be clear, I think shaming people for having children out of wedlock is ridiculous, but come on..don't make the woman out to be a victim of some scheming horrible male who only pretended to be a good guy. 


I disagree with you. I tend to think the opposite. If people would care more about others, but honestly care and have compassion, the world would be a better place. 






LucyHarper
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:27 PM

Illegitimate is just a legal term, its not a shame term and it is a thing. While I don't think people should be ashamed of their children and as long as they are good parents, thats the only thing thats important, I do thing striving to wait until you are with someone who you plan to be with for life before conceiving a child is important. 

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