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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My child knows better than to throw fits or have tantrums/meltdowns! I taught him/her how to behave!

I have heard mothers on here say pretty much what I wrote for my title when a discussion is going on about a child having a tantrum or throwing a fit in a public place - or any place....I'm talking children 4 years old and younger.  And, these mothers aren't just talking about public - but, EVER.  As in "My kid never has tantrums....I taught him early on it is unacceptable"

My question to those parents who have children that young who "Know better", to not have a tantrum or meltdown....HOW did you 'teach' your child to not behave in a way that is completely developmentally appropriate for their stage of emotional and physical development?  What, exactly, did you do to 'nip that in the bud"?

Also - did you ever consider that your child's NATURAL temperament is simply more laid back and less intense than some children?  Did you ever consider your child's lack of tantrums/meltdowns has nothing to do with you or anything you did as a parent....and mostly  to do with your child's internal temperament?  Did you ever consider that, dare I say, you got 'lucky' -- or have an 'easy child'?  

On that....I'm curious about parents who have more than one child --- one child was fairly calm and rarely had tantrums or 'fits'....where another child crumbled anytime they were told 'no' or were asked to 'transition'?  What are your thoughts about parents who take the credit or dish out the blame when it comes to things like their child's tantrums (or lack thereof)?

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Replies (161-170):
LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:14 PM
Thats good. I am sure eventually things will get better. Hang in there and good luck.

Quoting mariesmama:


she gets speech therapy at preschool and its helping her alot


Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Probably, she is likely just getting frustrated. Do you have her in therapy?



Quoting mariesmama:


mines speech delayed and now that she talks you can only understand her half the time i think that has something to do with it



Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

She doesn't do it a lot. Every other week, TOPS.





Quoting mariesmama:






Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Dd has tantrums at home. She knows that as long as she goes to her room and lays on her bed, she can do it and we wont say anything about it. However she knows for damn sure doing it in public is NOT allowed and mommy and daddy wont put up with that shit. She turned four this month.





this sounds alot like my 3 yr old she has like a gajillion meltdowns when we're home and none while were out








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one_on_the_way
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Thelmama:

My kids tried tantrums, when they were early toddlers. I'd say "hide your face" and they hide their face in their hands and turn away from me and the tantrum would stop.  If you don't give in or pay attention to it, it stops. This worked with all my kids.  My children all tried it a time or two but quickly learned they did not get their way or attention if having a tantrum. Crying cause you are upset is one thing, but an all out tantrum, we didn't play into them. So they didn't work.  A child can learn that tantrums get them nowhere. Neither does whining in my house. If you whine, I can't hear you and will not respond. If you ask in a reasonable tone, I suddenly can hear again. I have laid back kids yes, but that doesn't mean they did not try and have a tantrum.  Tantrums are for the adult's benefit and kids use it if they can. It is normal but they can learn it doesn't work.  That's what I did and what worked for us.  I have kids that don't act out in public. They all tried it at least once. We left where we were immediately and went home and they got time out and missed out on what we were doing. Trust me, it only took once. No spanking, no yelling etc required.  Yes, some kids are easy. But my son, the oldest had a lot of health problems. He cried a lot. However, i knew the difference between him having a bad day health wise and a tantrum.  

It doesn't work with all kids. I feel for any mom that has a kid with tantrums,and I will not judge. However, I do think sometimes, not always, parents give up too soon and think this isn't working when it is.  

Also the parents temprament has something to do with it as well.  That is how I see it. If I see a mom out with a kid having a tantrum, I just see them as a mom with a kid having a tantrum. I don't see them as a failure or the kid as a brat. Who knows how many tantrums a kid has. 

Now I have kept kids who were just spoiled and Mama gave in at every little whimper and whine and tantrum. That is due to a parent not being a parent. There is a difference. 

Also tantrums are just that tantrums and kids should not get their way when they throw one, ever.  Tantrums can be handled and not given in to.  

In any case, kids are going to have them, how we respond is up to us. 


I like your idea about the whining and how you can't hear.  My son has been whining a lot lately and I usually make him stop and 'ask nicely', and he will change his tone.  But, I like the idea of 'not hearing' and then 'suddenly being able to hear' when they say it in a nice tone.  I'll have to try that.

Also, as far as spoiled kids....I agree the ones who are rewarded for whimpering, whining and having tantrums will end up spoiled (these kids rarely have full-blown tantrums b/c their parents simply take the easy way and give them what they want so they don't have to listen to it anymore).  Those kids will think they can get their way all the time and will not have the coping skills to deal with disappointment or not always getting what you want.  I feel sorry for those kids because life isn't always going to be so "easy breezy" of letting out a little whine and getting the lollipop!

mariesmama
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:16 PM


trouble is if i dont find work in the next month we're gonna have to pull her out of school and move several states away

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Thats good. I am sure eventually things will get better. Hang in there and good luck.

Quoting mariesmama:


she gets speech therapy at preschool and its helping her alot


Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Probably, she is likely just getting frustrated. Do you have her in therapy?



Quoting mariesmama:


mines speech delayed and now that she talks you can only understand her half the time i think that has something to do with it



Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

She doesn't do it a lot. Every other week, TOPS.





Quoting mariesmama:






Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Dd has tantrums at home. She knows that as long as she goes to her room and lays on her bed, she can do it and we wont say anything about it. However she knows for damn sure doing it in public is NOT allowed and mommy and daddy wont put up with that shit. She turned four this month.





this sounds alot like my 3 yr old she has like a gajillion meltdowns when we're home and none while were out










Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:17 PM
Cant teach my 3 year old to no become over stimulated, he cant help it. Thank goodness as he gets older the fits dont happen as often. He is starting to catch up with his age group since he was socially, speech and developmentally decayed. I am thankful for the therapists, and understanding family and general public. I say public because I was never given evil eyes or told to control my kid better
s.osborne
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:17 PM
I'm sensing some sarcasm? Are you a cloth diapering, breast feeding, homeschooling SAHM that thinks anyone who doesn't do all those things is going to hell?

Quoting SandyLaxner:

 




Quoting s.osborne:

My ds did it once about a year ago, threw himself on the floor and I snatched him up and spanked him and sent him to time out and he literally never did it again. He'll be 4 April 29th.

So spanking is the key!!!


 

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erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:17 PM

You don't punish the feelings you punish or correct the BEHAVIOR totally different issues.  

Quoting Sept-babies2:

Right it is like yelling at a child for being sad. Or punishing them for it. You don't or i would hope no one does. So why would you punish them for expressing other feelings?

Quoting Retrokitty:

I agree with this. Even just teaching the child that they are frustrated and or angry and brainstorm other ways they can express that will go a longer way then just punishing.




Quoting Sept-babies2:

My kids act up throw tantrums. 3 and 18 months. I have a hard time controling my son. With dd i ignore every tantrum she has and she stops only when dh tells her no. Niether listen to me. Itcis perfectly healthy and part of development for them to experience different feelings such as frustration and anger. They need to know it is okay to express their feelings. So a child who can't express those feelings or who gets punished for them is most likely going to teach them to bottle up their feelings as they get older, and that isn't healthy. Just my view. Edit. I read your post but just read it again and realized i just basically said what you said. Looks like we are on the same page lol.


s.osborne
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Yay!

Quoting yo.momma.:

My ds will be 4 on april 29 too :)



Quoting s.osborne:

My ds did it once about a year ago, threw himself on the floor and I snatched him up and spanked him and sent him to time out and he literally never did it again. He'll be 4 April 29th.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Well hopefully the other school has good programs or you find a job.

Quoting mariesmama:


trouble is if i dont find work in the next month we're gonna have to pull her out of school and move several states away


Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Thats good. I am sure eventually things will get better. Hang in there and good luck.



Quoting mariesmama:


she gets speech therapy at preschool and its helping her alot



Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Probably, she is likely just getting frustrated. Do you have her in therapy?





Quoting mariesmama:


mines speech delayed and now that she talks you can only understand her half the time i think that has something to do with it




Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

She doesn't do it a lot. Every other week, TOPS.







Quoting mariesmama:







Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Dd has tantrums at home. She knows that as long as she goes to her room and lays on her bed, she can do it and we wont say anything about it. However she knows for damn sure doing it in public is NOT allowed and mommy and daddy wont put up with that shit. She turned four this month.






this sounds alot like my 3 yr old she has like a gajillion meltdowns when we're home and none while were out













Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Jess0915
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Honestly, I don't know, but sometimes I think those mothers lie to seem like their kid is perfect, or their parenting is perfect. Even my very mild mannered son had a fit every once in a while. He would bang his head on the hard floor, but never in public, always at home. I talked to his pedi about it and he said it was completely normal. I have four kids and I do agree, some are more prone to tantrums than others, but they all had some sort of tantrums at some point. I feel it's a part of growing up and releasing some of their frustration. Especially when they can't talk and get their feelings across yet, it's their release. I always taught my kids that we don't blow off steam in public, and they usually didn't, but sometimes they did. My older kids grew out of it around 3 years old and my 2 year old and 1 year old have actually never had a tantrum in public (knock on wood, lol), but they've had them at home. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 26 on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:21 PM

It seriously annoys the ever livin hell out of me when parents say this.  Especially when I'm trying to curb a toddler-sized tantrum that my 10 year old is throwing.  They don't know he's autistic, because he doesn't "LOOK" different.

I have four children - and I promise you that I have always used the same parenting on all of them.  They just have different temperments and react differently to every situation.

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